Watch Reddit convince a girl she was raped because she can't remember giving consent.

Li17 · 2009-08-25T21:40:02+00:00

My advice to female friends has always differed upon the situation. To share some personal experience:

One girl I knew got very drunk at a party and couldn't drive home. A stone-cold sober male friend (and designated driver for other people in our group) said he would take her home. The next morning, she called me in tears, saying she blacked out and woke up naked in his bed beside him. I was at the party; I saw how staggeringly drunk she was-- there was no way she was in any position to give consent and it was repulsive that a man of sound mind could find her attractive in such a state. In my opinion, that was rape.

Conversely, a room mate of mine went on a 12-hour ecstasy and drinking binge with a guy she liked. Three days later, my room mate is crying because the guy didn't call her and now believes he "took advantage of her" in her booze and drug-addled state. All my other room mates told her to contact the campus police; my advice was different: "You were drunk. He was drunk. You were on E. He was on E. You don't know if you would have slept with him if you were sober. He might not either. Just ask yourself this: If he had called you back and asked you out on another date, would you still be upset?" In the end, she admitted she was more upset about his behavior after the fact than she was about the sex itself. Yes, he was an asshole. But a criminal who should be locked away for 8 to 10 years to protect society? I didn't think so.

AnnArchist · 2009-08-25T18:21:54+00:00

I'm just waiting for the follow up post: I decided to charge him with rape. Thanks reddit.

Then I'm going to puke. At that point I would do what I could to ensure this thread ended up in the hands of the victims (the man's) lawyers.

Kuonji · 2009-08-25T18:59:24+00:00

"I blacked out" or "I remember bits and pieces" could be either the absolute truth, or it could be a way to excuse guilt at cheating. I don't know either way. Did he have sex with her after she passed out without any indication (body language or otherwise) that she wanted to have sex with him? Maybe. It would be rape, then.

Or did she get so shitfaced and high that she did a lot of flirty things with him and he just saw the cues and had sex with her? That is also possible. I wasn't there, I don't know. I'm not about to say she was raped, but nor am I about to say she wasn't. There's no way to tell from my angle.

Gareth321 · 2009-08-26T05:16:34+00:00

I've said it before, and I'm going to say it again. Our actions are ours to own. If I take a whole pile of drugs and go and kill someone, I should go to jail. In fact, in every action taken that could cause me to be legally liable for damages or criminal charges, being intoxicated is not an excuse - except for the act of "consent". If I drink and drive, my fault. If I get high and shoot someone, my fault. If I pop a whole bunch of E and knock over a liquor store, still my fault. Why this ridiculous double standard? It's treating women as children, as though they're unable to make rational decisions about what to put into their own bodies.

If women aren't expected to be able to handle themselves like adults while intoxicated, they shouldn't be allowed to be intoxicated. Since I disagree with this logic, we should maintain consistency with regards to liability in the law.

Obligatory 'consent cannot be given if one is passed out'.

Li17 · 2009-08-25T23:52:12+00:00

This is the advice I gave her, I hopes she listens:

I'm not an expert on the brain, but if you have a faint memories surfacing, it means you were probably conscious while you were having sex. Now that it is several days out, it is harder to remember it, but the fact that you have some memories imply that you were conscious at least part of the time.

Now the issue comes up as the whether you were drifting in and out of consciousness or were conscious the whole time. If you were conscious the whole time, then it seems like this was just poor judgment on your part and something you will have to deal with. If you were drifting in and out, then it does technically qualify as rape, from a legal definition, but I would advise you not to press charges.

Yes, it was a mistake, yes, it seems like he may have taken advantage of you (although it sounds like that was kinda a two way street). But in the end, what it sounds like this boils down to in a mistake on both of your parts. In the end, you seem to have just screwed up, and so did he. But ask yourself, is it worth destroying the rest of his life, just to get back at him. You may think it is a good way to recover your relationship with your husband, but the moment you walked in his door, you were messing up as far as your relationship to your husband goes. If he was drunk and high, and you were drunk and high, both of your judgments were impaired. The fact that he remained conscious longer than you is unfortunate, but as best I can understand it, you were going to have sex with him anyway.

This does not excuse his actions, he sounds like a total asshole, and I suggest you don't spend any more time around him and no longer have him be a part of you life, but unless there is something you are not saying, it does not sound like his actions warrant ruining the rest of his life.

samwise324 · 2009-08-25T18:03:40+00:00

disgusting

2009-08-26T00:50:57+00:00

Sheesh. I often disagree with the bs posted in MR, but that link is just awful - how the hell could anyone say she'd been raped?

MrBabyMan_ · 2009-08-25T20:45:37+00:00

Wow. Just wow.

reeksofhavoc · 2009-08-25T18:20:18+00:00

How do you know she gave consent?

gukeums1 · 2009-08-25T20:57:37+00:00

She didn't really seem to be like "oh yeah I was raped" but more like "oh yeah I was fucking stupid". I know you guys are all about sensationalism but this is a bit ridiculous, no one convinced her she was raped. They might have convinced her she's got a drug problem though.

Title	Watch Reddit convince a girl she was raped because she can't remember giving consent.
Author	Smight
Upvotes	25
Comments	46
Date	August 25, 2009 5:57 PM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/9e1d4/watch_reddit_convince_a_girl_she_was_raped/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/watch-reddit-convince-a-girl-she-was-raped-because.1053193 https://theredarchive.com/post/1053193

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