Entitled?

Always when I see the slogan ‛Men are not entitled to women’s bodies’ it makes me think. There is something very unsatisfying about it, though basically of course it is true. The problem with any ‛right’ is that it by nature always comes together with the duty of others to guarantee that right. To guarantee intimacy and sexuality for men would be either nonsense or indeed some kind of rape culture.

On the other hand can we look at the link between ‛rights’ and ‛basic needs’. We can assume that maybe not for all adults, but for most, intimacy and sexuality are psychological basic needs. Then it is not so strange if someone who is not repulsive and leads a decent life, but has no love life for years or even not at all, feels there is some kind of injustice going on and wonders what kind of society he lives in. That is not the same as crazy rants on dubious forums about enslaving women etc.

Rather, it is about the questions: ‛What am I allowed to do to approach women, and when I do that, will they think me too forward or on the other hand too hesitant? Why do men almost always have to do the approaching anyway?’ ‛When women say what kind of men they like, do they mean the same characteristics for friends and for lovers?’ ‛Why am I shamed and ridiculed for apparently ‟not being attractive enough” and is there no support for me instead?’ ‛Is hypergamy a thing, at least enough a thing to make it harder for lots of men?’

But feminists will lazily answer to all these questions: ‛Men are not entitled to women’s bodies, haha’; or, if they’re into men’s lib, maybe even worse: ‛You don’t have to make it with a woman to be a real man.’ As if that is the reason why men want sex and intimacy.

What to do about this? The idea any serious part of the MRM is for ‛handing out women’ is a ridiculous strawman. But no longer shaming male sexuality would be a good start. And open talks (with women listening) about what it’s like for men who are not among the most attractive 20% to approach women, with the risk of being rejected in an unpleasant way (being rejected in a decent way doesn’t have to be unpleasant). Informing psychologists and social workers about this, instead of about ‛toxic masculinity’ etc. Setting up neutral (not especially pro- or antifeminist) self-help groups for single men. There may be more ideas. Anybody?