We need dating equality

Quetzalkoalas · 2019-10-18T13:11:48+00:00

I think dating and especially attraction are only very mildly influenceable by politics, unless authoritarian or repressive measures are taken.

Think, for example, of the feminist woman who advocates for the abolition of gender roles, yet lusts after and has rough sex with very masculine men.

Or at the opposite side of the spectrum, think of the homophobic Evangelical Republican politician who has homosexual affairs with his intern and watches gay porn in his free time.

It is inescapable that sexual and romantic attraction are at least in part informed by our animal nature. Historically, religions, philosophies and ideologies have tried to suppress or deny our animal side, regarding it as something dirty, inferior and sinful as opposed to the purity of our soul / super-ego / intellect / moral character / pre-frontal cortex. Also historically, this strategy has never worked out quite as intended.

Any way of organizing life and society that has a chance of leading to something worthwhile and liveable is going to have to take into account our animal nature and reconcile it with human reason instead of demonizing it wholesale, denying it or downplaying its importance.

However, there are some things that can be done. For starters, it would probably a good and non-invasive idea to encourage women to approach. As another commenter said, fighting against slutshaming is important too, since taboos around female sexuality still often result in women being on the defensive. This should goes hand in hand with speaking up against the demonization of male sexuality.

Compassion and understanding for people who have difficulty finding romantic or sexual partners is also important. Reddit alone is an important showcase of both young men and young women ending up in forums that are vitriolic about the other gender due to their own personal frustrations, bad experiences with the other gender, and lack of understanding in their life. This is not to insinuate that people only or primarily end up interested in gender politics because of a failed dating life; I wouldn't want to echo facile stereotypes like suffragettes being bitter old maids or everyone who speaks up about male issues being incels. But there are plenty of examples to be found of people who feel helpless and lost in their own life, are handed no tools or guidance, and thus have no choice: either focus on the system being stacked against them, or succumb to self-loathing. If the only people truly listening to your problems and giving advice and guidance that goes beyond dismissive platitudes are politically motivated actors or commercially motivated hucksters, then things are gonna turn out bad.

Providing counterbalance to stereotypes is also important. Trying to brainwash the general population into finding a conventionally unattractive attribute attractive is probably doomed to fail, but dispelling false beliefs and prejudices about people can help to not have people immediately dismiss them out of hand.

Most important of all, we need to treat the root causes of our malaise. These dating woes are but a symptom of a much larger underlying issue, namely the increasing isolation and alienation of modern life. We are losing more and more communal experiences and opportunities for meaningful face-to-face interactions at the expense of screentime (this is not to demonize technology; but how many parents do you know who are overworked and exhausted and just cave to the easy solution of having their kids babysitted by the TV and computer, or using their smartphones as a pacifier?) People spend most of their time at work, yet it has never been more taboo to date at work than now. Everyone is occupied with their own goals and careers and how to market themselves and curate an image through their social media.

A new ideal is springing up of the self-sufficient individual who is completely autonomous, only preoccupied with the pursuit of their own goals, and unburdened by any real desire of need for human connection (just go to any thread on /r/dating_advice and you'll see what I'm talking about).

I'll just leave it at that.

magus678 · 2019-10-18T05:29:41+00:00

Mildly authoritarian tone aside, none of this will happen for one simple fact: men are thirsty.

The dating marketplace favors women to an absurd degree. They can set whatever conditions they like and some man will be out there trying to meet them.

A much more achievable (and frankly, less pathetic) method of achieving a similar result would be to educate men that their time and attention have value. Help cultivate behavior that doesn't put up with such lopsided dynamics.

Aaod · 2019-10-18T15:56:15+00:00

Good fucking luck with that feminists have an absolute hissy fit when you suggest women have too high of standards and outrageous demands even when you present them evidence. I got banned from at least one subreddit for arguing with links to studies about it because they got completely fucking butthurt and the feminist mods had a temper tantrum then went on a banning spree. To them it is like suggesting the earth is flat or that we have never been to the moon so you can argue until you are blue in the face and they will never believe it despite evidence and guess what... feminists hold all the power over our cultural narrative.

heimdahl81 · 2019-10-18T08:03:15+00:00

Socially enforced monogamy is a huge part of the problem. If people were not monogamous there would be more potential partners for everyone. That's step one.

The next step is to lower the social barriers that make women less likely to pursue sex. This includes eliminating slut shaming, virginity worship, and and the idea of sexual purity in general. Another barrier for women being more sexually open is the orgasm gap. It's an unfortunate reality of biology that women's orgasm is more difficult to achieve than men's. If men work to close this gap, it means more satisfying and as a result more frequent sex for everyone.

That's just a start. There is also fostering safe sex, clear communication and consent, and mutual responsibility for both control.

Melthengylf · 2019-10-19T02:27:32+00:00

We need to make a living beyond women. As long as us men are so needy and dependent on them, that is not possible.

We need dating equality

Crosspost "We need dating equality" from /r/MensRights:

Comments

Title	We need dating equality
Author	TC1827
Upvotes	6
Comments	45
Date	October 18, 2019 4:24 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/dji9pe/we_need_dating_equality/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/we-need-dating-equality.1064454 https://theredarchive.com/post/1064454