Rejection leads to low self esteem and perception of lower self worth

RedPillDetox · 2021-08-31T20:36:50+00:00

People tend to look at dating too much like a qualification or ability, which i guess it is a little... but dating is much more a myriad of chaotic coincidences than an ability or qualification.

Rejection happens all the time for the most random reasons. Dating success also happens all the time for the most random reasons. I find it that a lot of my dating success has been defined simply by being in the right place at the right time over anything else.

Even very attractive guys get rejected and faill all the time. Why would you carry all the burden of rejection on your self worth and not put into perspective than a good chunk of it is also defined by good or bad luck?

Just a couple days ago i found an old dude i knew from my PUA days. He's a so called natural, having allegedly laid dozens of women. He's also the dude i've seen being rejected the most. He's now married and has a kid. He told me he approached his wife on a party and she instantly rejected. About 20 minutes later approached her again and it worked. 4 years later they are still together. same guy, same girl, a few minutes apart.

NoodlesGotAGun · 2021-08-31T18:34:47+00:00

A lot of these men haven't been in a position where they've been rejected a lot. They perceive a lot of rejection because they have a fundamental misunderstanding of how people of the opposite sex relate to one another.

The reason they try to codify things and break them into systems is because they don't understand what is happening at a basic and logical level. This happens for a lot of reasons. A lot of intersex relationships happen behind a veil. You don't see what your buddy who gets laid a lot is doing or saying. You may be getting his weird, maybe toxic account of it. Even if you knew exactly, it's a natural result of proper socialization to do it fairly effortlessly.

Most of these young men aren't casting a wide net when it comes to their search for love, friendship or companionship. They fixate, and perceive lack of attention as rejection (in other words, there's no real "ask" involved, they're just not putting themselves out there, or at least are doing it in an unsettling and unnatural way because, again, they don't understand the basic fundamental interactions required).

This builds over time and resentment and an adversarial relationship with women develops. Honestly, young men in particular and young people in general treat each other like shit. There are plenty of guys who aren't incels that treat women poorly, and redpill types see that as well. That's a lot of what they're incorporating into their worldview a lot of the time.

I would argue that the self-esteem aspect isn't at the center of the issue, because as you said a lot of these men value themselves very highly. They feel entitled to a certain type of woman and a certain type of relationship. The problem is that their culture (incel culture, not the broader western culture) tells them that compromise or failure to achieve those relationships makes them a failure. I feel like if we could change the success state for a lot of these guys we could head off a lot of these problems at the pass.

LadylikeElectricland · 2021-08-31T16:16:31+00:00

I don't think anybody is 'blaming' redpillers for their low self-esteem. If anything, they are getting blamed for falling for outright idiotic, ineffective strategies that mostly harm women, who have to put up with everything from negging to incel mass-shooting.

Yes, TRPs are victims of cult leaders and I know for a fact that they deeply suffer inside, but neither of these excuses the type of harm they are causing by practising or even merely 'believing' in the trp nonsense.

maliapani · 2021-09-01T10:02:05+00:00

When your self-esteem dropped terribly after being rejected, it's a sign that you thrive on other people's validation and that you have anxious-preoccupied attachment style. I am a woman. I got rejected by men several times. It hurt. But a lot of time, rejection isn't personal. Instead of self-loathing, I tried to improve myself, learn to self-soothe and learn to be okay being alone. I still look for love. Sometimes I reject men, and it's usually because of red flags. Sometimes it's because of incompatiblities. I even rejected a good-looking guy.

shootingstrz12345 · 2021-09-01T14:11:11+00:00

People can reject you for a myriad of reasons. A lot of redpill people take those reasons personally. People with healthy self esteem, do not let rejection affect their self esteem

I am not of the opinion that people should set their bar lower. People take rejection personal when it usually isn't about them. Redpill men basically classify all women as **** because it's easier to hide your real needy self around people, and assert yourself when you objectify a whole gender. Redpill men having high expectations isn't the problem, but them expecting things that they can't deliver on. Such as working on their appearance themselves, or giving the same respect to partner they expect from them.

WolfFoxhunter · 2021-09-01T12:35:54+00:00

TLDR, but do this: every time you get rejected tally it up. When you reach 20+ you’ll start getting laid for sure.

Title	Rejection leads to low self esteem and perception of lower self worth
Author	Gmed66
Upvotes	21
Comments	58
Date	August 31, 2021 3:30 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/pf8798/rejection_leads_to_low_self_esteem_and_perception/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/rejection-leads-to-low-self-esteem-and-perception.1065969 https://theredarchive.com/post/1065969

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