Gents, I’m sat here at my desk in my study with a coffee. I needed a break. I’m quite literally sat with tears in my eyes, struggling to see the screen as I type this. Im packing up my stuff and getting ready to move on.

It’s a Thursday afternoon and I need to be at my new place tomorrow to pick up the keys. It’s a 2hr drive and I’m picking up a moving truck tomorrow morning. I have to move all my stuff on my own as my 2 boys are working and my daughter is too upset to help me. I don’t blame her, lots of memories for her here of us all together.

It was our 21st anniversary yesterday, or at least it would have been if the STBX had kept her pussy in her knickers. She’s doing well out of the sale of the house, she gets 60% as she’s having to deal with living on less income. She’s also getting child support and 50% of my Superannuation (Pension).

I’m just sat here wondering when will it stop hurting. I’m looking forward to enjoying my life again, doing what I want when I want to do it. Getting fit again. Cycling, swimming and the gym are definitely going to happen….. but this pain, it’s so very tiring.

I’m struggling to stay focused on simple activities, and I know it’s depression in some form or other. I would really like this to f*ck off and leave me alone.

Being alone during this time really hurts. Our friends were all hers really, as I kept making sure she was happy, and the kids had everything they needed. I didn’t worry about me, as I make friends wherever I am as I was the gregarious one. I’ll do it again in my new place.

Sorry for the text, boys, I suppose I’d like to have some sort of affirmation from strangers who’ve gone through the hurt I’m feeling. I’d really like to hear about how you’ve all gotten through and out the other side.

I’m a bit of an emotional wreck and I’ve got no one here to help…