He keeps talking about celeb crushes

Sea_Soil · 2020-11-08T17:33:48+00:00

He's most likely doing it on purpose. He knows what he's doing. Those who have brought up triangulation and negging are spot on.

You just started dating, and are basically brand new to him, yet he's infatuated with these celebrity crushes? Also, some guys can get really dangerously obsessive over their celebrity crushes, to the point where a "real woman" would never live up to the made up story and fantasy they've built in their heads.

I see a few possibilities:

He's not that into you.
He's trying to neg you into feeling insecure and trying to be more like his crushes, because that's who he really wants. Or make you so insecure that you won't leave. You being insecure gives him the upper hand, so that he has more power and control over you.
He's a porn/masturbation addict and is used to objectifying women. The type who will constantly fantasize about other women, even while he's in a relationship and most likely end up cheating because he doesn't appreciate what he has and is always seeking more. He's the type whose "jokes" will eventually start to include his friends and co-workers and he'll hope you'll be desensitized enough by that point that you'll okay with having threesomes with them or an "open relationship".

Drop this guy. He doesn't respect you. No one in their right mind talks about other people sexually to the person they truly care about. Do you really want to be with a guy who is only settling for you while he swoons over his real interest? Do you want to be with a manipulative abuser? You deserve better.

divination__ · 2020-11-08T16:00:37+00:00

it's called triangulation. it is meant to make you feel insecure and to try harder. maybe bringing this stuff up once when tipsy can be innocent if gauche, but constantly doing it seems like a very conscious thing. bringing it up and asking him not to do it will not likely yield the results you want - he will just interpret that as you 'being insecure' and he is 'just joking around'. honestly, i'd drop him. men of value have the sense not to do this.

Cat_With_The_Fur · 2020-11-08T15:17:40+00:00

Is this his way of negging you? Seems like it could be an early attempt to get you unbalanced or make you feel bad about yourself that could get escalated later.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-11-08T13:11:51+00:00

My abusive ex did the same thing. It was never over real women, just actresses. Personally, I would just dump him. I no longer warn men to change because not one of them in over 20 years of dating ever changed. And your bf is an idiot if he thinks this behavior is acceptable. My guess is he wants to see you behave with jealousy.

Anodynic · 2020-11-08T12:11:31+00:00

Tell him to stop talking about who else he finds attractive as you're not comfortable with it, mentioning you obviously have celebrity crushes too but you find it disrespectful to verbalize it.

cherieblosum · 2020-11-08T13:24:06+00:00

I don't think it's acceptable. Probably grooming you into being ok with him watching porn. Same defense that men use with "not real women, not really cheating"

throwRA8935747835 · 2020-11-08T23:49:54+00:00

Why would celebrity crushes ever come up naturally in a conversation (especially with sexual undertones)? I also think he is doing it on purpose, I've never experienced that with my partner (so even if he has celebrity crushes, he is keeping his mouth shut).

mademoiselle29 · 2020-11-25T00:26:09+00:00

Eh... it depends on how it is said.

If he brings them up voluntarily - and in a weird way - not OK. But if you mention a celeb first; he can mention one.

I personally have been hit by actual Oscar-winning celebs myself. I can hide it. But I won't bring it up in most places.

Title	He keeps talking about celeb crushes
Author	blahblagblar
Upvotes	30
Comments	14
Date	November 8, 2020 10:35 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/jq9okc/he_keeps_talking_about_celeb_crushes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/he-keeps-talking-about-celeb-crushes.1068237 https://theredarchive.com/post/1068237

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