I came across this sub by chance somewhere in September, and it inspired me to get out of a terrible 4-year relationshit (not a typo).

I was 18 and he was 22 when we first started dating, I pursued him and was met with a lot of "I'm not ready" excuses, but I was infatuated. He was avoidant and flaky, his friends treated me like shit, he put in the bare minimum, but I let it all slide. We had some problems in our first year together and he promised he would change ( now I know that no man is ever going to change). He just put on a show for a while before falling back to his bullshit. I was so in love that I ignored all the red flags over the years -- his friends never treated me any better, he could never put a photo of us up on social media (even though he asked me to have pictures of us on mine), he looked through my phone, got in the way of my plans, and constantly texted me when I was out of the house. I really really liked him so I LET all of that happen. I thought by giving in, his insecurity from ex-girlfriend cheating on him would disappear (a whole other story).

For 4 years, I was blind.

On our 4th year anniversary in October- he showed up to my house and unceremoniously handed me an old ass shitty 3-inch tall gas- station teddy bear with the suction cup attached to hang in a car. That was it: no date, no card, no flowers. He had the audacity to ask me if I liked it. WHAT THE FUCK. I don't even own a car, it was of absolutely no use to me. I guess I was still in a "Pick-me" frame of mind so I forced a smile and told him it was cute. He told me that he had "a lot going on" so he'd plan a date later ( he never did, but I made him a whole dinner one night because I wanted to do something NICE for HIM). I'm not sure what he had "going on", but he definitely had time and money to go out drinking before showing up at my apartment at 5 in the morning smelling like an ashtray.

One weekend, I told him I had a doctor's appointment scheduled at 11 am on Saturday (I was having side effects from my birth control) and he still showed up drunk and unannounced at 5 am. I went to my appointment alone and when I got back, he was still asleep in my bed. After talking to my doctor, I decided to stop taking the pill and was met with "Condoms are so uncomfortable! I can't feel anything" tantrums. Fuck my health, right? What grown man throws a tantrum over condoms?

Two weeks later, I had a wake-up call. One of his girl friends, who has always bullied me because he never set any boundaries, let it slip that he used Tinder on a 6-week trip while we were dating. She obviously said it to get under my skin but it made me snap. I confronted him about it and he lied, he said that he only used it "because he was curious" and it was "totally innocent" BULLSHIT. It was so innocent that he forgot to delete tinder when he came back from the trip. So innocent, that he lied and said "Its an old account that I forgot to delete" when my friends stumbled across it. I was so blind then.

This time I snapped and told him it was over. He didn't believe I was leaving and tried to threaten me "If you leave, I'm not going to chase you! I'm never coming back", "You're making a mistake". Then he tried to fake me out -- two days of the silent treatment. When he realized that I was serious he showed up with flowers, a bottle of wine and my favorite pastry. Now, if only he had given me that shit when it was our anniversary a month ago. I sent him home crying, drank the wine and ate the pastries. He wasn't done though -- He called my housemate asking her when I was going to come back. He sent me a long email about how hard his life was and how he didn't mean to take me for granted. The icing on the cake was when a side chick (Side story: I'll put in a foot-note) sent me a message on facebook and then blocked me. LIKE WHO ARE YOU EVEN and WHY WOULD I WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU?

Its been a month since I ended things with him. I've blocked him everywhere and gone no-contact. I threw out all our pictures, his towel, his toothbrush and what few gifts he gave me. I've cried a lot, but I kept that ugly ass, small ass, gas-station teddy bear as a reminder that this is what I got for trusting and loving this tool unconditionally.

Footnotes:

  • Ex-girlfriend: Surprised to find out that SHE DIDN'T cheat on him, he just told everyone she did for sympathy or whatever
  • Side chick: On a Friday night, he told me that he was hanging out with his cousins in a different city. For some odd reason- he's not in any of their social media stories but I ignored that because I'm a clown. So of course, I go out to chill that night and decide to explore a place that I had never gone before. As I am walking around, I see him and a girl in the window of a McDonald's. I text him and he says that he's "On the way back from seeing his family". I can't help myself so I go over and say "Hi". He introduces this girl as his cousin (They're a different race than me, so I accept it?) and she says hi and everything to me. He gets me and her in the car and takes me home ASAP, he gets me in my apartment and hits me with all the "Babe, she's my cousin, don't worry about anything, I'm just getting food with her before dropping her off at home!". I'm a clown so I let it go, he's got a lot of cousins. I told myself its ok because they come from a culture with big families.

So thank you, FDS for helping me wake up. NO MORE CLOWNING IN 2020!