NSFW: Anal sex. He wants it, I hate it.

PantheraTigris95 · 2016-09-19T23:18:52+00:00

I feel like I'm going to be in the minority here.

If you are flat-out uncomfortable with a sex act, don't do it. I'm sure it's not a matter of life/death for him.

I'd talk to him. Tell him that you really don't like it. Sex is supposed to be mutually enjoyable - if I told a guy I was uncomfortable with an act and really hated it, I'd think he'd have some reservations about doing it again.

Maybe I have a bit of a 'line'. If it were blowjobs/regular sex I'd say just go along with it, but idk.

ddrluna · 2016-09-20T03:46:38+00:00

First of all, as someone who was begged to do things I didn't care to do in my previous relationship, it's really okay to tell them to go away if they keep pestering about it. It's seriously disrespectful if a partner doesn't respect your boundaries and keeps insisting on things you aren't interested in or don't like.

On the other hand, if you legitimately wanted to try and make it feel less uncomfortable for you, there are a few things you could experiment with. For example, you could try taking a bath together and he could finger that area so that you can get used to the feeling and easily wash up afterwards (obviously only a finger, actual anal in the bathtub would be awful). My first time trying it, I was buzzed--I know you said you've tried it a few times, but for me, that first time under those conditions really helped me to ease into it and feel more comfortable. Lastly, if you're really worried about something "embarrassing" happening during or after sex, you could always have a shower first and soap up the area or even try an enema beforehand to clean things out a bit, just in case.

But this is all coming from someone who really loves anal (in fact, I even personally find I get off from anal MUCH faster than from vaginal sex). I must emphasize again that you should only do things you feel comfortable with, or you'll never see it as an enjoyable thing. Nor should a respectable partner enjoy it knowing that it's making you feel uncomfortable.

lavasca · 2016-09-19T21:14:21+00:00

Tell him you dislike it. Does he know? If so, what does he say?

Also, does he really know what he is doing?

souponastick · 2016-09-20T05:50:50+00:00

If you hate the feeling, I totally get that. But if you really just don't like it because you're worried about something embarrassing happening, maybe you can reason with yourself.

My sexual partner loves anal. It is hit and miss for me, but I love pleasing him. The first time we tried it I literally got feces up to the middle of my back. I could smell it, I could feel it, OMG it was horribly embarrassing. We both showered. I knew for sure we were never doing that again.

Then he surprised me and asked for it again. I had cleaned up the first time, but cleaned up even more the 2nd. Feces only made it to my waistline this time...progress. But man was I embarrassed again. This time I asked him if he knew what could be causing it. He shrugged and nonchalantly said it was worth googling.

Now anal is a very common request. We've talked and he said he's never been even slightly disgusted or anything. I told him I was shocked he went back a 2nd time. He laughed and said "I know what happens there. If I'm stupid enough to put myself there, I better be willing to get what I've got coming to me". I think we over-lubed to make THAT kind of mess. It is much more managed now, but I don't do anything different. Knowing that he's not grossed out has let me relax and enjoy pleasing him. It is the one thing that gets him to completion QUICK so I don't want ruin that for him.

rproller · 2016-09-19T21:20:14+00:00

Could it be possible that he watches porn and tries to imitate that? Because the fast and hard ramming you see in porn is NOT how amateurs should do it. Trying to imitate pornstars is kind of like thinking, "Oh I've watched a couple of World Cup championships, I think I'm going to get signed on with Manchester United!"

lavasca · 2016-09-19T21:26:20+00:00

Does he use anal kits? Does he do anything to make it fun for you?

teenMom86 · 2016-09-19T22:57:02+00:00

If you want to keep trying, they make a lightly numbing cream for anal sex that might be helpful. Add two glasses of wine and a lot of foreplay.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2016-09-20T03:12:07+00:00

It's all up to you, but you can tell a lot about a guy that wants you to do things you don't like. Worse, those guys are usually the uncaring or obtuse lovers anyway; so it's more likely that he doesn't build trust with you sexually (as in, he's careful or gentle).

PantheraTigris95 · 2016-09-19T23:45:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	NSFW: Anal sex. He wants it, I hate it.
Author	interiorlannister
Upvotes	18
Comments	24
Date	September 19, 2016 8:50 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/53jqmc/nsfw_anal_sex_he_wants_it_i_hate_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/nsfw-anal-sex-he-wants-it-i-hate-it.1072684 https://theredarchive.com/post/1072684

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