How do i handle violence at home?

a-man-from-earth · 2021-09-22T22:08:33+00:00

Call the police when she gets violent again. Stop it now before it gets worse.

Arguesovereverythin · 2021-09-23T02:47:09+00:00

Good job reaching out for help. The more you do now, the more options you will have down the road.

First step is to get trained professionals involved. You should absolutely call 800.799.SAFE (7233), which is a domestic violence helpline. It would be best for them to give you step by step guidance on how to de-escalate a violent situation and what to do if/when you are unable to do so. They will also be able to link you to trained professionals in your area that can work with your family long term to resolve the situation.

In addition to whatever they tell you, I strongly advise you to start documenting EVERYTHING related to the abuse. You may require a restraining order in order to protect your life or your mother's life. State laws often prevent eviction for several months unless you go through the RO process first. (I actually have personal experience with this and had to wait 2 months to evict a dangerous person from my house). You can document by:

Verbal testimony from you or your witnesses
Medical reports of injuries from the abuse
Pictures (dated) of any injuries
Police reports of when you or a witness called the police
Household objects torn or broken by the abuser
Pictures of your household in disarray after a violent episode
Pictures of weapons used by the abuser against you
A personal diary or calendar in which you documented the abuse as it happened

The last thing I advise you to do is set up a safety plan. "How can I lock my door at night?" "How do I get out of my house if there is a fire outside my door?". I know it's scary, but you need to make sure there is a plan if you are going to be in the house with someone violent. Never want to discover too late that you need it.

I'm very sorry for what you are going through. It's horrible that you have to jump through so many hoops to fix this situation. However, if you do this correctly, not only will you help yourself and your mom - you'll also make sure your sister gets the help she needs.

orei_noodles · 2021-09-22T22:17:34+00:00

How are you at fault here? You defended your mom from a physical attack. If everyone is willing I would suggest you ask your mom and sister to join you in family therapy. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I’m glad you didn’t retaliate. Try to remember that cooler heads prevail and do your best to calm a situation down instead of escalating. I find in situations like that ‘I statements’ really help. For example: if your sister gets upset again instead of saying ‘you seem upset/angry’ you could say ‘I feel anxious/fearful when you get angry with mom’

And also try talking to your sister when she isn’t upset and just listen to her concerns or problems. Unless she asks for advice, don’t offer any. Just try to empathize with what she’s feeling. I hope this helps man

CunningHamSlawedYou · 2021-09-22T22:36:19+00:00

I think you and your family should give your sister some space. She's obviously not in a place where she can be around you, and you shouldn't have to take unnecessary abuse. If she seeks you out looking for a fight, simply shut her out and call the police. She'll have to respect your boundaries. You won't have to press charges, but police can evict her from the premises so that you won't have to physically confront her. Be consistent about it.

She'll need time to sort her head out. Don't press her. It won't make it go quicker. Just keep her at a distance until she seemed to have adjusted.

Title	How do i handle violence at home?
Author	surrealstrength
Upvotes	28
Comments	16
Date	September 22, 2021 5:10 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/ptc3qx/how_do_i_handle_violence_at_home/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/how-do-i-handle-violence-at-home.1074941 https://theredarchive.com/post/1074941

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