Vetting men early in the process

Nonsluttymen · 2021-10-27T14:20:00+00:00

I have a list of scenario-based questions I keep in my notes app on my phone that I got from a book called, “The book of questions.” Granted, they could still lie, but the more open-ended questions tend to be more revealing even if they do put on a fake persona, especially if you’re asking them several of these questions like a get-to-know-you game.

anothernewyorklady · 2021-10-27T20:14:24+00:00

Just had a conversation with my therapist about this last night! She recommended I try to shift conversation topics toward family memories, and specifically listen for how a date describes childhood experiences and familial relationships, past or present. For example, try to get a sense of his relationships to his mother and father - those are huge indicators of a person’s emotional capacity and temperament.

Examples: Does he talk to his mother/father monthly? Weekly? Daily? When he describes scenarios relating to his mother/father, is his tone full of resentment, anger, guilt? Or is it metered and balanced?

My brain seems to pick up on the biggest red flags by quietly signaling thoughts like “hmm that was kind of an odd way to say that,” rather than a “whoa wtf was that” sort of thought

Also check out “Wired for Dating” by Stan Tatkin! He provides great conversational examples for vetting dates.

TikiTikiTata-chalala · 2021-10-27T16:53:48+00:00

You can always ask what they love about the city/town and then bring up how you love how/wish they did decorations for pride month. Bringing up how you find pride month a fun event gives you an option to play dumb and 'liking it for the colors and drinks' then you'll get to hear what they think of pride month.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-10-28T04:06:41+00:00

Long ago, I found out after two years of dating that the man I was with thought being gay was a choice. If/when I date again, I’ll just ask:

Do you think being gay is a choice?
Would you feel comfortable going to a gay club with a group of friends?

The homophobes I’ve encountered have absolutely zero chill. I don’t think it will be hard to get an honest answer.

Title	Vetting men early in the process
Author	SimplySharon1215
Upvotes	170
Comments	12
Date	October 27, 2021 1:54 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qgx7kk/vetting_men_early_in_the_process/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/vetting-men-early-in-the-process.1081553 https://theredarchive.com/post/1081553

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