I got asked if I'm even 18 and called a "Baby Face".

Inareskai · 2022-01-01T14:14:52+00:00

So, to clarify, you took the pretty neutral idea that "you look younger than your age" and you took it to mean "Everyone sees me as an ugly prepubescent boy looking dude who will never look like a man".

That is a huge leap.

mammajess · 2022-01-01T15:35:24+00:00

You'll be happy about it when you are a bit older. When I was your age I looked 16 to some people. I had a kind of serious job and it made it difficult. It will pay off later when you will look more fresh compared with men the same age. It doesn't mean at all that you are gross??

thetruthishere_ · 2022-01-01T16:39:40+00:00

You do look like that to much older women. Come on now. This is normal. Someone your age is a 'boy' to me as well at 50. LOL Coming from her baby face is a compliment not a dig.

Its a good thing, you'll look younger for your age when you do age.

AntiVictimhood · 2022-01-01T16:57:17+00:00

"Ugly prepubescent boy looking dude who will never look like a man, great"

Firstly, that isn't what she said. And you're 23, people mature at different rates and some will retain a more youthful look for longer. It's not as though you're immune from aging. You will go grey, develop wrinkles, experience changes to your body etc.

I'm sorry that you feel your looks are an impediment. Of course people do deduce character traits based on different qualities. I am often assumed to be dumb and a bitch, and men act shocked when I'm articulate and intelligent, and women act shocked when I'm easy going and kind. My boyfriend said he was reluctant to date me because I seemed really high maintenance and shallow. After our first date he found out that was not the case, but that was his initial impression.

And it did used to get me down at times- feelings wrongfully judged is a shitty experience. And I know for a fact that before people know me, there are some who make judgments about my character and decide that they don't want to associate with me despite never having spoken to me. For anyone- feeling excluded for no reason other than the assumptions people make is hurtful. But the experience of being judged incorrectly for your appearance is universal, no matter how you look. There are many negative associations that will be incorrectly projected onto others. You're not alone in this feeling. And it's valid to feel hurt if you feel wrongly judged.

Our looks, how we dress, how we carry ourselves etc. do play a role in first impressions. It doesn't shape someone's view of you once they get to know you.

I think it's important for you to be a bit more open minded and consider the possibility that these initial impressions do not determine the course of your life. It doesn't mean that first impressions is all people will know of you or think of you.

And for the people who are dismissive of you and not interested in getting to know you based on whatever pre-conceived notion they have- so be it. There will always be jerks in the world who are judgmental, and then also just average people who don't have the time or energy to devote to getting to know everyone.

Once you come to terms with that, you might feel more free.

Your current "baby face" probably has some implications in how people interpret you initially, but these initial assumptions are not locked in forever. Connection and authenticity are the best way to counter an incorrect perception. And if people don't give you the chance to connect with them and share who you are- then they're probably not the kind of people you'd really want to be close with.

Lastly, if this is a point of insecurity for you, know that there are other ways to convey a more adult/masculine look if that's something you're interested in. The way you dress, carry yourself, speak, style your hair etc. are all things that contribute to someone's initial impression. If you play around with your style and adopt a more mature way of dressing that suits you, this might help you feel more secure and counter some of the insecurity.

vcreativ · 2022-01-01T19:14:12+00:00

A man doesn't have to look like a man to be a man. Nobody needs to call you manly to confirm or dispel your masculinity. You are a man, whether you and/or they like it or not.

What you could and arguably should improve on is assigning appropriate emotional weight to external input. Mostly, that basically means none, because most opinions are pretty useless, basically orthogonal to whichever set of dimensions you reside in, and ill-reflected if at all.

Most people don't think about what they say. Weird, I know.

In terms of your insecurity, I am not saying pretend you're not feeling that way, but rather aim to understand why that is specifically, what you can and can't change about it, and learn to live with the rest. That is strength of character.

Insecurity is fine, it's what you do with it that matters.

Ultimately, here she might as well have said, "the sky is blue" and you could've taken it as "everyone is so much happier than me, and I know why, because they don't look like me". That really isn't too far off you're current conclusion.

So stay congnisant of context, maybe take off-the-cuff comments with a pinch of salt, and remember that perspective is everything.

Hope this helps.

sofunnylol69 · 2022-01-01T19:19:11+00:00

TRP is self-destructive because it causes a short circuit in what is normal identity and self esteem development. This fuels rumination and obsession and because your worth is reduced to a couple facets like your appearance, you just get stuck in the loop.

You’ll need to break the circuit. Stop thinking about your appearance. End that part of self awareness. It’s an illusion to hijack your mind. Focus on improving your life in ways you can control, learn to play an instrument, learn to deadlift 405lbs, what ever you can find.

Title	I got asked if I'm even 18 and called a "Baby Face".
Author	FriedRice25055
Upvotes	0
Comments	10
Date	January 1, 2022 1:28 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/rtjfc3/i_got_asked_if_im_even_18_and_called_a_baby_face/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/i-got-asked-if-im-even-18-and-called-a-baby-face.1093490 https://theredarchive.com/post/1093490

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