Speaking my mind/Shameful Past/Trigger Warning!!!!

shutup201 · 2022-01-03T10:16:35+00:00

That's something rarely mentioned about reckless hypersexuality in women...that it's usually a symptom of a bigger issue, but then it might make it more difficult to slut shame if people understood that the women were hurting or confused in some way.

Best wishes on moving passed the past. I hope you're able to forgive yourself. I understand the pain of disrespecting yourself with guys who don't deserve you. It's painful but crap like that only happens when you're going through things. One of our basic instincts is self preservation so if someone is going against that, clearly, something is wrong imo. It's just unfortunate that someone is usually trying to screw us and vulnerabilities are like a beacon for sexual predators.

BooksandEarlGreyTea · 2022-01-03T14:13:56+00:00

The promotion of hypersexuality pisses me off because it is a known trauma response, but no-one really talks about it at all. It is made even more toxic by the unspoken societal assumption sex is something women are supposed to give men regardless of what they want - how many times have women been raped whilst in a relationship but are unable to recognise this is what happened to them?

I have been though it too, terrible childhood leading to low self-esteem and no boundaries, then CSA on top. What makes it worse is all the scrotes preying on women and will keep pushing to get what their dick wet, because they are predators.

I am sorry you went though it and I hope you are now on a path of healing.

_cnz_ · 2022-01-03T12:41:02+00:00

im with on the harms of hypersexuality and how its heavily promoted today. I had experienced abuse or trauma in my late teens and went through a hypersexual phase that led to more retraumatization. The nonconsensual experience that threw me into this was my first sexual experience and it warped my perceptions of sex leading me to years of other non consensual experiences. It completely destroyed my self esteem and left with me with chronic pain.

Slut shaming and hookup culture make it so hard for young girls to get the help they need and by the time they get to therapy, that have crippling trauma symptoms which manifest in to chronic physical illnesses, lifelong STDs, and disorders like BPD, MDD, or anxiety disorders. Trauma induced hypersexuality is rarely talked about and needs to be taught to children and teens young so that they're able to identify their behaviors and feelings for what it is and get help early. It's a huge public health issue that being widely ignored.

What really helped me to find healing was realizing that my trauma responses did not represent me as a person as I had no control over it. I was not in a mental state to enthusiastically consent to any sexual encounters and I urge you to do the same as well to alleviate the shame you feel.

DiosaCordilia · 2022-01-03T09:02:47+00:00

Sorry you went through that and proud you're on a better path now 💖

Determinedblonde · 2022-01-03T11:01:17+00:00

💔 the worst part of slut shaming is that women were pressured into “sluttiness” because of trauma or abuse, whereas men are slutty and do NOT get shamed for it as they are the abusive ones and are somehow celebrated for it.

We are also told lies like you won’t get any attention (except popular or beautiful girls) unless you have sex. You mean nothing.

melympia · 2022-01-03T20:12:59+00:00

While I was much tamer than you, I did have a similar start, looking for validation and love and - yes, respect. (Clown days.) And as much as I hate younger me for being naive, too trusting, willing to put up with too much bullshit, I'm also grateful that I know better now from my experiences in years past. I'm grateful to know what red flags look like, know thy enemy and all that. And I learned how to seriously stop guys dead in their tracks when trying to "chat me up" - something I've had to implement rather recently with a coworker.

So, yeah, while I think of my past as shameful, I'm also grateful for the learning experience it provided. And, eventually, the emotional sting will heal, trust me on that. It can take years, but it will. Been there, done that.

BlueSkiesOverLondon · 2022-01-04T16:10:15+00:00

I completely agree with you about the harms of promoting hypersexuality. What happened to you was awful, and I hope you can forgive yourself for the girl you were.

Have you considered becoming “born again,” so to speak? Not evangelizing for Christianity here (I’m not even Christian lol) just saying that if you are at all religious or spiritual, maybe your healing process would benefit from you ritualizing your commitment to a new life, where you love and honor yourself and your body. YMMV, obviously, but you might be surprised how much a symbolic rebirth helps you.

KindredMaximus · 2022-01-05T04:37:32+00:00

I also did the drugs, alcohol thing. Luckily, I didn't become a heroin addict like my little sister. I was also raped around that time by being roophied (sp?). But I always knew I hated the casual sex thing - I guess that's why the losers around me decided I needed to be raped?
My hatred of casual sex ended up backfiring on me because I didn't want to sleep around, I ended up marrying when I was 21, after getting engaged after 6 months. So, you could reframe your hypersexuality as yes, being traumatising but at least saving you from marrying early and repenting for decades. Hypersexuality has always been pushed onto girls and I remember clearly, the worst thing you could be called in my teenage years was ''frigid''. Sexual assault was also rampant - and the list I've got of unwanted touching, sexual assaults, talking, licking, upskirting etc. would fill a book. One of my daughters believes she is asexual - I actually think she's reacting like a normal person to the cess pool of porn, that young people are sinking in, today. I reacted that way too - to the disgusting teenage boys around me.
Unfortunately, I got married because the term asexual wasn't even a thing in my day. I wish we could make it abnormal for men to be animals and normal for girls to be wary of them and form protective teenage girl groups that give power, instead of competition. But we are gaslit on a global scale that we A. need men to ''protect'' us and B. from actual men like them and C. that we need to be jealous of other girls. Why can't men police themselves and keep each other in line? Even the police, judges, priests and lawyers are dirty dogs behind closed doors.
There needs to be a global - form girlfriend groups of mutual support and keep boys out - movement. Only together can we be strong agains the avalanche of bad and violent, casual and dangerous, unfeeling, meaningless sex, that men want us to endure.

Title	Speaking my mind/Shameful Past/Trigger Warning!!!!
Author	Agreeable_Ad6417
Upvotes	165
Comments	8
Date	January 3, 2022 3:58 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rusbr3/speaking_my_mindshameful_pasttrigger_warning/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/speaking-my-mindshameful-pasttrigger-warning.1095014 https://theredarchive.com/post/1095014

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