How--and How Soon--Do I Start Getting Ready?

FUMoney · 2022-02-04T12:00:09+00:00

First, this is way too long. You need to drill down into the couple things that you need answers on.

Second, all the history you provide is irrelevant in divorce proceedings. The counselors, the lying, sexual issues, pastor, MIL -- all of it is totally, completely irrelevant. Why? Because Florida (and every other state) is a no-fault divorce state. The only thing either one of you needs to say is the marriage is "irretrievably broken" and that's it, you meet the statutory definition to proceed with dissolution. You won't need to prove a damn thing beyond that. Proceed directly to the asset split -- that's really what modern divorce is about. Asset split, child support, alimony. It's all business.

Third, I assure you, the court is not going to care, at all, about any of the interpersonal issues. I've said this repeatedly here and elsewhere: every single day family courts deal with extreme familial problems. This includes interspousal physical and mental abuse, opioid addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, child abandonment, deadbeat spouses, and even spouses threatening to kill the other spouse, or inflict bodily harm. The judges are regularly bombarded for orders of protection, emergency orders concerning visitation, firearms restriction, domestic violence, bench warrants for arrest, accusations of child kidnapping and/or parental estrangement, etc. It is a neverending flood of unpleasant crap.

Listen to me close: the courts aren't going to waste a minute on all that backstory. Not a minute. It doesn't come close to tipping the meter on requiring judicial oversight or intervention. The courts won't care. The judge won't care. They don't have the time to care. Harsh, but it's the truth. Also, don't waste time going through this magna carta with your lawyer, a mediator, or the courts. You'll be burning money at a furious clip on all this drama, and none of it is going to matter. None of it. Mark my words on this.

Repeat it to yourself a thousand times: you are in a no-fault state; the backstory is completely irrelevant. The marriage is done. There is only one way to win: how do you end it as quickly and efficiently as possible? I say again, the only way to win in divorce today: getting a fair, quick, efficient dissolution.

Is it true I can see all the best lawyers first, one every other week or so, and block her from signing them due to a conflict of interest?

You say you have no, or few assets. Further, Florida is a big state. Even if you visited fifty lawyers, she could retain any counsel she wishes, from Jacksonville to the Florida Keys. If she wants quality representation, she's going to find it. Even if you spent a year visiting counsel up and down your state, you're not going to accomplish anything.

No assets. A big state. Don't waste your time with this folly, and don't waste time dreaming up any others. Frankly, digest the thrust of this message. Forget trying to game this thing. You need a clean, quick, efficient exit, one where your future is protected financially, you don't make a bad deal and fuck yourself for the next years or even decades, and try to curtail lawyer/court fees. So focus on that.

Focus on the best resolution you can achieve, from a financial point of view, and doing so cleanly, quickly, efficiently. Focus on custody, child support, alimony, insurance, housing/marital home, asset split. Focus on that. Focus on what is fair, focus on what is achievable, focus on what could utterly destroy you if you make a bad deal that gives you a heart attack. Focus. Focus. All the rest is a massive waste of time.

jimsmythee · 2022-02-04T15:44:34+00:00

You need a TL:DR version of this. A divorce nowadays is merely a financial transaction.

Anything emotional? Cheating? Emotional affairs? Dead bedroom? Bad words? Courts will NOT CARE. So just drop that aspect.

Stick to numbers. Yes, leave the rental marital home. It's a rental. Courts won't care.

Keep everything on the UP and UP. All financial documents, as per your business income, and business expenses.

25_years · 2022-02-04T11:12:36+00:00

Wow, there's a lot going on here. Sympathy for the health problems. It reminds us all of the wisdom: If you have your health, you have everything.

You can learn from my fatal mistake. I divorced at the peak of my earning ability. If you do that, the judge will expect you to make the same income forever. And once assigned, it's almost impossible to get support payments reduced.

So, in that regard, it sounds like you're on-track. I advise men to divorce at the lowest point, possibly with some valid excuse as to why they can't work at all.

Having to support four kids is rough, but at least they'll age-out in the next few years, assuming they age-out at 18 where you live. Seriously. Be thankful; think of the chap divorcing with child support payments for the next 17 years.

I will add one comment, and apologies if I step on some toes: Your relationship to God is sacred, and yours alone. I'll never be critical of another man's religious beliefs. We all need spiritual guidance. I applaud you for having faith. But divorce can be brutal. The wrong opposing attorney and the wrong judge can drive a man to suicidal despair. In court, no one cares about your dedication to Christian values. In fact, they use them against you. I wish Family Court was a civilized place where the truth prevailed. But it's not. Get a bracelet that says WWASALD ("What would a scumbag asshole lawyer do?"). Prepare yourself for nastiness.

Your self-imposed July deadline. C'mon, you already know the answer. The marriage counseling from the Chaplain is about as worthless as it sounds. But I would keep going -- for appearances -- while you plan the divorce.

If I were you, I'd document like crazy how you're unable to work: physical reasons, illness, the economy, depression. Be sure it's documented. Let your business flounder. If she's in line to be a vice principal, depending on how this plays out, she might owe you alimony and child support. The exact amounts? No one here can tell you that. Can you stay in the house? Same. A lawyer needs to run the numbers.

Lastly, if you can, squirrel away cash. Just little bits here and there. Don't make any cash withdraws that would draw attention. You never know when having a small pile of undeclared cash could come in handy. It always does.

Is it true I can see all the best lawyers first,
one every other week or so, and block her
from signing them due to a conflict of interest?

Yes. But word gets around. Lawyers all share the same little clubhouse. I've never heard of this happening, but, in theory, if your wife finds out and complains to the court, there could be sanctions on you.

EDIT: This document has some tips, especially Chapter 3, but it's a bit old.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2022-02-04T18:17:46+00:00

Here's one thing about your suggestion on how to do 50/50 -- that you're thinking of splitting up the boys and girls so they aren't together is not going to be looked at kindly.

Title	How--and How Soon--Do I Start Getting Ready?
Author	tiredandwantchange
Upvotes	3
Comments	10
Date	February 4, 2022 9:21 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/sk93jr/howand_how_soondo_i_start_getting_ready/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-and-how-soon-do-i-start-getting-ready.1099824 https://theredarchive.com/post/1099824

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