Why have I never met a woman who is like me?

xvszero · 2022-03-13T04:08:26+00:00

they seem like they got everything figured out

That seem is doing a lot of work there. Not many people in this world have it all figured out.

I will say this though, money isn't super important, but some sense of life goals is. Not many people want to date someone super lost and floating through life once you get past your mid 20s or so. Goals and action towards those goals is hot.

But you definitely don't need to have it all figured out either. I met my wife while I was 30 and only partially employed while living with my parents. But I was going to school for a graduate degree, working towards a career change as well. And I'm not sure exactly how much that mattered to her, but it definitely mattered to me and my confidence. I was struggling a lot before I found a direction.

bluehorserunning · 2022-03-13T12:54:14+00:00

Shy people don't go out much. It makes it harder for them to find other shy people. This goes for women as well as men.

I have never been clubbing, don't drink alcohol to excess, don't like music so loud that it's painful, don't like crowds, etc - typical shy person qualities. Met my husband, who is even more introverted, on OK Cupid about 8 years ago. I hear that it's different now.

Bactocat · 2022-03-13T04:33:58+00:00

Sometimes I get upset that I don’t have friends like myself, or I can’t find anyone to date that is enough like myself. But then I think about what I do everyday and where I hang out. I don’t go out much, and if I do it’s been in places that don’t feel right to me (bars, clubs, etc). I realised that the people like me are likely doing exactly what I’m doing; not being in the right place at the right time to form that kind of connection.

I think it takes a lot of knowing yourself and pushing yourself to end up in the places you feel the most authentic, and you’ll naturally meet plenty of people similar to you.

softnmushy · 2022-03-13T05:13:45+00:00

Do you have any male friends who are just like you in all the ways you describe? Probably not.

It’s really hard to find a life long best friend. And it can be equally hard to find a life long female best friend (also known as a wife).

Keeping making an effort to be improve yourself (job, exercise, knowledge, etc.) and be social. It takes time to find someone.

ALSO, don’t assume your future wife is going to be exactly like you. Sometimes opposites attract and provide good balance in relationships. What’s important is that you share values.

hippy_speed_ball · 2022-03-13T13:25:46+00:00

I'm shy and awkward, quirky, weird, really warms up though when I get to
know someone, lost and doesn't really understand his purpose yet.

They're at home doing some combination of: playing video games, watching tv, hanging out with her pet(s), cross stitching/sewing/knitting, reading, listening to obscure music, writing fan fic, collecting collectables, drinking wine alone, playing board games with their 3 friends, etc.

Shy awkward quirky weird people have shy awkward quirky weird hobbies. That being said, when I was dating in my late 20s, this describes most of the women I dated. Met most of them through OKCupid, which used to be better for searching obscure interests. Also met them at board game meet-ups and nerdy bar crawl type events.

oneofamike · 2022-03-13T06:02:46+00:00

There are plenty of women that are quirky, weird, and lost. I’ve caught feelings for a couple. And that is enough to know that is not the kind of woman I want to be in a relationship with.

iostefini · 2022-03-13T04:40:10+00:00

I think it's normal to be lost and not know where you're going yet, especially when you're younger. As you get older you kind of figure out who you want to be and it gets easier to set yourself up in that niche with confidence.

No one has everything figured out. Most people pick whatever is most important to them (for example a career) and figure that out first and then use that to start working on the rest.

Also I'm not sure where you're meeting other women but "want a man who is more well off than them" is not a universal desire. Women want someone they are attracted to but what they are attracted to will be different depending on who you ask (e.g. tattoos, fitness level, hairstyle, dress style, career, life goals, personality...) No one is going to see having money as a negative but it's not a universal requirement either.

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Fuzzy-Constant · 2022-03-14T18:04:55+00:00

It's a bad idea to try to find a woman who is "lost" like you or even is "like" you. You need to share important values, but other than that they might be totally opposite of you in a lot of ways.

Title	Why have I never met a woman who is like me?
Author	Pomeranianlll
Upvotes	15
Comments	12
Date	March 13, 2022 3:29 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/tcxzpv/why_have_i_never_met_a_woman_who_is_like_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/why-have-i-never-met-a-woman-who-is-like-me.1106533 https://theredarchive.com/post/1106533

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