What to do when you find out your wife wants a divorce?

Available_Lie_7910 · 2022-03-18T04:16:00+00:00

First look within. She's threatened legal action. Interview at least 3 attorneys and select the one that fits you best. Develop questions for them and be prepared to be asked questions. It's somewhat like you're interviewing a job applicant, so pick the best fit.

Call your insurance provider and seek a mental health consultation. It will happen over the phone. If you might have a mental health matter that needs addressing, congratulations, it's covered by insurance, if not, ask for references and reach out to 3 to see the best fit and pricing as this is expensive.

Second, look without. Do you have kids, a house, dogs. How are they being taken care of? Are the bills being paid? Do you know how much those bills are? Fing this information out, check monthly, and don't be the first to change the status quo.

Check the home for missing items. Take a video recording of all items in the house so you can identify later items she will begin moving out of the home. Collect and scan all documents. File them on a drive only you have access to. Create a separate Gmail just for this divorce, save everything there.

Delete your social media, start exercising, stop drinking/drugs. Keep your routines, eat healthy, get sun, start Journaling your feelings. If thats a burden, create a Google voice account and text yourself you feeling and emotional thoughts.

Sit down and talk to your soon to be ex wife. Find out why. If you're like me, I was enmeshed by her I to our relationship and sacrificed alot of things that I cared about to avoid conflict, take those things you gave up back.

Realize that a relationship is a two way street and she plays an equal part in your divorce.

Educate yourself on the divorce process for your state. Look at your counties court website and look for the self help session.

Have your attorney review any non routine correspondence between you and your ex. Put EVERYTHING IN WRITING. Memorialize conversations in writing, either text or email.

DM if you need to chat.

jmoincali · 2022-03-18T03:49:08+00:00

If any of you can offer a brother in need some advice or just comment, feel free

EDIT: This isn't me. Its a crosspost. Please give HIM advice

rsmiley77 · 2022-03-18T12:10:40+00:00

So if we were in school and I was grading your paper what you have told us would get an incomplete. I don't see at least right now enough evidence to know how far down the rabbit hole of divorce your wife is. Also she may have looked for someone she knows or someone could have been on her account and typed that into google....

That being the case... Once women begin thinking about divorce it never goes away IMO. It only grows. They may never pull the trigger on it. My therapist told me once women begin thinking about it, it's a ticking time bomb and even the most skilled bomb tech won't be able to disarm it. Divorce is also contagious... If someone in her friend group has gotten divorced recently the chance she will follow will go up. Women also oftentimes play the long game. They're thinking and plotting about divorce for years before finally pulling the trigger, oftentimes making the move once they've managed to drain you and your accounts of all worth...

As crazy as it sounds most divorces follow a pattern. Be a part of this thread long enough and you'll begin to see them. I think you still have some time before your wife actually pulls the trigger. I am going to assume your wife has already started putting you down, nitpicking everything you do, and disrespecting you and everything you do for the family. Other things that will likely occur before she pulls the trigger are mentions of needing more time to find herself or to live. A new friends group or hanging and being close friends to someone who just went through a divorce. Finally, cheating or being very secretive with her phone and other forms of communication. Facebook is an awesome tool for knowing where she may be since on her page her newest friends are oftentimes the friends' pics that come upon her page.

Finally what to do in order that I would do it.

Separate all shared accounts. I mean ALL...
Find and retain an attorney
Start a diary of divorce. It can be used in court...
Talk to your wife about what you saw. If you want to make things work, tell her that.

BTW 'for the kids' is not a reason to make things work if you want things to really work out. I'd say to seek couples therapy but I have never seen a successful couple from therapy. It actually sped up the timeline for my ex-relationship. Good luck!

shynecombs · 2022-03-18T14:25:46+00:00

DO NOT BEG AND PLEAD. It doesnt work... Give her some space to figure out life. Do NOT try to control or manipulate her, it will only push her further away .

Work on yourself. Figure out what you did to push her away and work on that.

Workout, find new hobbies to occupy your time, date yourself ,be there more for your kids if you have any

I wish you the best of luck!

sicrm · 2022-03-18T12:47:37+00:00

plenty of good advice given already but another thing I’d do is look into reading No More Mr. Nice Guy or listening to the audiobook on YouTube.

it’ll either help you fix the current marriage (depending on how far gone things are) or show you what you can do differently in your next relationship (take your time before you seriously date again).

thefudmaster · 2022-03-18T14:13:36+00:00

File for divorce before she files against you. When a woman says she wants a divorce, right or wrong, you need to realize the relationship has been over for some time. If you want to try to get your marriage off life support, it is admirable, but the majority of the time it is over.

chichinfu · 2022-03-18T19:45:32+00:00

Get a lawyer and find your odds

playerknowmore · 2022-03-19T00:09:53+00:00

I joined this sub a few years ago as a lurker. Wife had been nagging me for a couple years, and then hit me with a "I don't see us lasting". I never asked why. We made about the same money, so I consulted a lawyer to see what divorce looks like. He did the child support calculator and I went home with the biggest smile on my face. Child support wasn't half a check, and I was taking a couple hundred a month.

I got home and told I spoke with an attorney and the color drained from her face. Talk about a full one eighty. Still married three years later; as a matter of fact happier.I don't think she realized that I didn't love her more than me.

RedPillLense · 2022-03-18T21:44:57+00:00

Do the 180! It will help you to cope mentally and emotionally. It was the total game changer for me. Google "A BEAUTIFUL MESS 180". Most importantly, lawyer up.

What to do when you find out your wife wants a divorce?

Crosspost "What to do when you find out your wife wants a divorce?" from /r/AskMen:

Comments

Title	What to do when you find out your wife wants a divorce?
Author	jmoincali
Upvotes	12
Comments	14
Date	March 18, 2022 3:48 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/tgshpf/what_to_do_when_you_find_out_your_wife_wants_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-to-do-when-you-find-out-your-wife-wants-a.1107021 https://theredarchive.com/post/1107021