CMV: This Medium Article from a middle-aged female author asking 'Where are all the good men' perfectly explains men's dating complaints

purplish_possum · 2023-07-27T05:46:48+00:00

middle-aged female author asking 'Where are all the good men'

Where are they?

They married someone better than the author and her friends years ago.
They've been dicked around by women like the author and her friends so much that they're no longer interested in being a dancing monkey "good man."
They're not attractive enough so whether or not they're good men is irrelevant.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2023-07-27T06:21:42+00:00

🤣Alpha Fucks/Beta Bucks, a tale as old as time.

TempoIndigo · 2023-07-27T02:05:20+00:00

Proud cheater and her friends (birds of a feather flock together, theyre probably cheaters too) cant understand why men dont want them at 40+

They show zero understanding of what men want too, theyre more clueless than a lot of teen girls I would estimate

None of them deserve good men as they aren’t good women

DicamVeritatem · 2023-07-27T04:46:04+00:00

AFBB. Don’t be a sucker, fellas.

If the kitten didn’t want you, don’t wind up with the cat.

Johnny_Autism · 2023-07-27T08:11:25+00:00

" For most of us when we are young, looks is the first thing we’re attracted to. When we get older we soon realize that’s the least of the equation. Experience teaches us wisdom and we become wiser for this teacher of life." -

translation: I've had my fun, my share of hot summer flings with studs who made me cum like no other man probably ever will, but those were my roaring 20s and my priorities have changed now. I want a reliable man a loyal caring partner, and as a token of my gratitude I'm willing to reward him with sex every once in a while.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-07-27T05:15:30+00:00

Classic case of alpha fucks beta bucks.

jingle_ofadogscollar · 2023-07-27T02:44:36+00:00

I appreciate their honesty

Refreshing vs the constant virtue signaling denials that women of Reddit are world famous for

RightNowImReady · 2023-07-27T07:39:32+00:00

Young women primarily being attracted to looks and excitement

And yet not a single woman on reddit is brave enough to admit that they feel/felt like this at one point, or all they ALL different ??

Hmm, which scenario feels more plausible.

redditboycottfailed · 2023-07-27T13:59:51+00:00

I thought men were completely useless and obsolete?

itm4l2000 · 2023-07-27T04:56:31+00:00

This is what happens when women are responsible for controlling their fertility. That's fine.

It's taken many decades for men to realise they dont want to be a sperm donor and wallet for a woman at the end of her fertility.

Modern women AND men need to cultivate, protect and nurture committed relationships.

aslfingerspell · 2023-07-27T03:43:52+00:00

My man is financially able and independent and is not after my material possessions

This is strange to hear coming from a female author. My understanding was that being used for money or "gold digging" was an almost exclusively male fear. I must be missing something here.

In midlife, women become wiser and more purposeful in choosing a life partner

I'm a bit bothered by how many of the snippets seem to be euphemisms for something. If older women are "more purposeful", does that mean younger women are reckless or arbitrary in who they choose? Is there any way to interpret "not bothered by my past" other than "not bothered by my sexual past"?

I'm sorry but where are these 'young women' who will listen to us older and wiser women per chance? At a certain age group, the ummmm heart (for lack of a more descriptive word) wants what it wants irrespective of whatever asshole head may be attached. [...] Because speaking from experience, not even sharing my stories of abusive relationships and what they take from you and how hard you have to work to find your way back to yourself has ever stopped anyone I know from running headlong into the arms of some p.o.s.

People on this sub talk about how women will get with bad men, but outside of pill ideology or the gender wars I truly wonder about the psychology behind this.

After being the victim of my own abusive dating disaster as a man, I've started to do a lot of my own research into stuff like domestic violence, sexual assault, and trauma psychology. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the brain functions under a wholly separate kind of logic in these situations. You can still think, you can still make decisions, but it's not the kind you make while "safe", if that makes sense.

For example, you can "fawn" or appease someone when the "normal" thought response would be to fight back or run away. I remember being outwardly fine or even "enjoying" the date, only to basically break down crying and start shivering in raw terror when I got home.

Even speaking in my own situation, there were red flags that I straight-up ignored simply because I was very desperate at the time. It was very much a "date with creepy person is better than being lonely" kind of emotional pit. As I once put it on another comment/post, even a compliment from my rapist was still a genuine compliment (apparently I'm a fantastic kisser? I'll take it).

not-a-dude-at-all · 2023-07-27T07:37:35+00:00

Sounds like entitlement. No woman is entitled to good man.

throwaway164_3 · 2023-07-27T12:39:37+00:00

Alpha fucks, beta bucks 🤷🏽‍♂️

It’s the way of life

13choppedup2chopped · 2023-07-27T01:56:49+00:00

I think my problem with article like this is that, it makes it seem like point is a relationship. In my opinion, a steady relationship should be a means to greater end. Do you have the education you want? The job you want? I think this article sets people up for failure.

zaph239 · 2023-07-27T17:40:22+00:00

I call it the Zumba delusion, after a pair of sisters I met volunteering at a charity while unemployed. They were in their 30's and past their peak. Yet their list of requirements for a man was unbelievable. They wanted rich, talented, funny, tall, handsome and incredibly fit.

Basically the guy they wanted could get any women he wanted, he wasn't going to give two women rapidly heading towards their forties a second glance.

Yet these sisters thought otherwise because of how many Zumba classes they went to. They seriously thought that they were hotter than women in their early 20's because they went to a couple of fitness classes a week.

Twinseo09 · 2023-07-27T12:40:28+00:00

My only issue is the dichotomy between looks and good men, as if you can only have one and not the other. However, it is possible to pursue attractive men with good personalities. The problem is that men like that are often already married or in long-term relationships, making them unavailable, especially once you enter your 40s. This applies to both genders if your average; as you age, your dating pool shrinks because all the attractive and good people are likely taken.

zerofeetpersecond · 2023-07-27T13:35:33+00:00

Women want from men what the rich want from the poor, for the team at the bottom to know their place and be stewards of a society that offers little benefit.

Most men want nothing to do with women they aren’t marrying. Where as women want to have a stable of different types of guy for different roles, they see men as types of tools or breeds of dog. They want the hot guy for sperm, the successful guy for stability, the handy guy to fix shit, the firemen to stop the flames. Etc.

RacistsCallMeRacist · 2023-07-27T02:29:36+00:00

"What we desire in a man when we are 20 is different when we get to 30, 40, 50, and older."

But what they don't want seems to stay the same over the decades. As an ugly, short, pudgy, poor, balding, awkward 50+yo atheist virgin with a microphallis, I can tell you no unrelated female has ever spoken to me, much less touched me, unless it was in her job description. This has not changed over my entire life.

BeepBeepYeah7789 · 2023-07-27T12:02:01+00:00

Sometimes, the jokes just write themselves.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-07-27T11:30:37+00:00

arent medium articles written by malaysian randos in content mills?

relish5k · 2023-07-27T02:37:28+00:00

When I was a younger women (teens / early 20s) I gravitated towards friends who were clever, funny and exciting. However over time I got kind of sick of them for their flakiness and sometimes downright meanness. I still seek out friends who are clever and funny but I value kindness and reliability more in my friends now then when I was younger.

My stupid ass friends don’t know I already gave my best years to other friends…

(Sidebar to lol at the “I was a mistress for a decade and now can’t find a good man what gives”)

HungryNRaging · 2023-07-27T14:52:53+00:00

I'd start a LTR with a woman like this just to cheat on her

icebluefrost · 2023-07-27T01:43:06+00:00

I mean, this sounds like a selection bias problem: the people who are going to be weighing on in the comments are going to be women who had a similar approach, but that doesn’t mean that’s true of women at large.

Sensitive-Event-6935 · 2023-07-27T13:33:32+00:00

Young people are led to believe, through tv, movies and even their peers that the goal is to find “the one” your “one true love” and when it happens you’ll just know it. This is obviously a fantasy. Women definitely have this belief more so than men, rom coms are mainly aimed at women and teen girls after all. Even in action movies and other genres how many times does the badass and often ruthless protagonist actually turn out to be a big softy and his realisation of his bad boy ways are brought on by the love of a woman? And they all live happily ever after.

As we age we realise that this is clearly bullshit and rather than finding the one we should be focused on finding a good one that doesn’t drive us nuts. It shouldn’t take until your 30s to figure that out though. I have little sympathy for women who suddenly wake up to this just as their biological clock is about to run out and then wonder where all the good men have gone.

NationalistGoy · 2023-07-27T20:30:45+00:00

I gotta answer these questions real quick.

"What we desire in a man when we are 20 is different when we get to 30, 40, 50, and older."

That's the thing, what men desire from women in our 20s is mostly the same that we want in our 30s and 40s. So middle aged women want men to accept them (post wall) while they no longer have the things men want.

"In midlife, women become wiser and more purposeful in choosing a life partner."

Doubt. They keep falling for Chad, and then complain on the internet he didn't want to commit to her.

"He is confident about our relationship and is not bothered by my past."

Ah yes, women never want to face the consequences for their actions. "Accept me with my past otherwise you are insecure"

"He is always available when I need him"

Women do not want that. The man who is too available to women becomes annoying. Women say they want a man who is available, yet they go for the unavailable guy. I can't tell you how many women I know who were head over heals for the guy who wasn't giving them too much attention.

"My man is financially able and independent and is not after my material possessions."

Trust me, no man is after your money.

VTHokie2020 · 2023-07-27T14:25:14+00:00

This is a good article, but she should've included bullet points for what grown-up women need to have lmao

Puzzleheaded_Card_71 · 2023-07-27T14:26:47+00:00

So much window dressing by those women to make themselves look mature and wise. Fact is they chased guys out of their league and couldn’t nail them down. Now they can’t compete and need a nice guy to breed and use, never really loving or being attracted to him. At least now men are starting to realize this thanks to so many men telling their tales. I went through this and never again. I refuse to be a beast of burden to older woman who are desperate to breed. They made their choices and now it’s time to pay the price for those decisions.

quantumpencil · 2023-07-27T01:48:02+00:00

All the women who don't act/think this way aren't commenting on this article, they are already married/were married in their 20's...

Selection bias much?

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-07-27T12:59:42+00:00

Did you ever notice how often red pillers et al compare the most fringe outliers of women they can find to the mainstream dudes on Reddit rhetoric?

onirroc · 2023-07-27T01:25:28+00:00

I'm always confused about why "went for hot guys for good sex when young and now wants to settle down" is such a bad thing. I'm a man, what I want in a woman in my late teens/early 20s was a lot different from my late 20s. Isn't it just a normal human thing to have different priorities as you mature?

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-07-27T11:59:15+00:00

What’s wrong with any of the “snippets” you chose?

of course a 20 year old and a 50 year old will want different things out of a relationship
is it really a shock that anyone in middle age will be choosier about whom they spend time with?
anyone, man or woman, would want a confident partner not bothered by their past
anyone, man or woman, would want an available partner
anyone, man or woman, should want someone financial independent who doesn’t rely on them for financial support

These “snippets” work both ways.

870yungin · 2023-07-27T22:23:22+00:00

the forever alone women’s subreddit is a perfect example.

Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-07-27T01:47:27+00:00

What we desire in a man when we are 20 is different when we get to 30, 40, 50, and older."

Why is this a problem? Most people wants and desire change as they age and have more lived experiences.

"In midlife, women become wiser and more purposeful in choosing a life partner." "He is confident about our relationship and is not bothered by my past." "He is always available when I need him" "My man is financially able and independent and is not after my material possessions."

Again, why is this a problem for some men?

"For most of us when we are young, looks is the first thing we’re attracted to. When we get older we soon realize that’s the least of the equation. Experience teaches us wisdom and we become wiser for this teacher of life." - THE AUTHOR!!

Why is this a problem? Looks change, why should we build a relationship off something that will look different in 5 years? And different again in 10 years? Op, more change in looks at 20 years.

Excellent-Yam409 · 2023-07-27T23:02:21+00:00

We aren't thinking long-term when we are young because we barely understand the world and each other. Men and women.

People change careers usually 7 times. People change their minds about their college major. People change their minds on so many things. They don't know what the f they're doing.

Of course someone in their early 20s is going to have a crush on someone, like them, think "this is it," and then realize it's not it. They were going with their feelings, not with their brains.

Ask young men if they want to get married when they're in their mid-20s. How many are really going to say, "yes, I wish I was already married, or I plan to get engaged asap?" No, most want to wait a few years. Then when they're ready, they'll marry the next girl who comes along.

So much of this is blamed on gender when it's literally just dumb people being dumb.

hari_hbp · 2023-07-27T05:56:04+00:00

Unless you're one of the men who has dated these women, I don't think you should comment on this. It is irrelevant to our lives and hence, it should be promptly ignored.

Women can handle their own issues with dating with the help of other men. Men who haven't dated them shouldn't bother with it and should leave them alone.

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toasterchild · 2023-07-27T15:37:54+00:00

Finding good dating partners of course gets harder as you age because people who make good partners tend to be in relationships. They might pop up on the market now and then but they will likely end up in another relationship after a short break. Who writes this crap? Its just stupid filler people come up with when they have a day to write some vapid lifestyle piece.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-07-28T11:58:09+00:00

Is this really AF/BB or the natural evolution of female (and male even) priorities as you get older and more focused on a lasting relationship?

Are women changing priorities because their age and loss of beauty is forcing them to? Or is it just a natural shift?

TheCultOfGrogg · 2023-07-28T13:49:06+00:00

Women don’t realize that they ask so much of men, that the only men w)9 can fulfill their demands are men they don’t qualify for.

There’s that and they seem not to realize that a woman’s only real value to a man is her ability to have his kids. I think women need to put themselves in men’s shoes. Why would a man become a high-warning stud just to have some chick leeching off him because she can decorate a house on his dime and pack a lunch? That Guy wants something of actual value for the immense value he provides and the only thing women offer, seeing as they require men to be better than them in almost everything, is the other half of child-making that men can’t do by themselves. Once she can no longer offer that, she’s effectively useless. She’ll find she gets attention from men but it’s only for the sake of procuring a long term or short term sexual partner, and usually that only lasts depending on the guy’s attractiveness. Attractive men who can bag a lot of women, won’t pursue them that long. The less attractive men will keep them around for a long term fleshlight.

Title	CMV: This Medium Article from a middle-aged female author asking 'Where are all the good men' perfectly explains men's dating complaints
Author	jmoincali
Upvotes	155
Comments	289
Date	July 27, 2023 1:21 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15any4a/cmv_this_medium_article_from_a_middleaged_female/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-this-medium-article-from-a-middle-aged-female.1226615 https://theredarchive.com/post/1226615

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