You can’t reduce domestic abuse by telling people that life is a power struggle between men and women. Interview with Professor Nicola Graham-Kevan — The Centre for Male Psychology

NightOwlsFire · 2022-04-03T19:26:25+00:00

An interview with UK psychologist Nichola Graham-Kevan where she discusses the realities of domestic abuse, the problems with ideology in the field, the difficulties that occur for male victims and the limitations of the government's feminist-informed approach. She also discusses the Duluth Model, its limitations and how adherence to its principals stops better evidence-based programs being developed that could help abusive people with their problems. The interview also challenges the idea of abusive behaviour as a patriarchal concept as 50% of abuse is mutual and the behaviour is typically driven by trauma, emotional dysregulation and impulsivity issues.

Oncefa2 · 2022-04-03T22:31:42+00:00

Very interesting.

I like how she discussed the progression of the dv narrative where the argument has transformed from "men abuse women more than the reverse" to "when men abuse women it's more dangerous" to the modern argument that "women are subjectively more fearful and therefore domestic violence against women is worse".

And this is just based on a gender difference between men and women, so it's basically meaningless.

I also like her take on control and "emotional labor" in relationships. She doesn't call it this but feminists complain all the time that women have to figure things out, plan everything, and tell everyone what to do, which they call emotional labor. And my response is always, "stop trying to be in charge and then that emotional labor will go away".

What a burden on women – we’ve got to be right all the time. It’s got to be our way. I don’t think it’s fair on women, that women feel they have to manage their partner, or they have a right to. Take that job off the women, and let the guys manage themselves more, and everyone will be happier. Women don't need to control other people's lives and please don't tell is that's our job because it's too much to ask us to do.

(Emphasis added).

I think this is important because it leads strait into patterns of abuse that are common for men to experience. There's really not much of a difference between having a controlling or nagy wife, and being in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. And the feminist play on this is that it's actually women who are victims, because women have to be the boss, which is just so incredibly backwards and toxic.

I have one criticism though because in one section she says that men don't go to the doctor "unless their leg is falling off".

There's a theory that one reason for that is because men just don't have the time, energy, and flexibility that women have to go to the doctor.

Women are less likely to work, less likely to work full time, and when they do, they choose careers and jobs that are more flexible. And the result is that women are actually better able to go to the doctor than men are.

One reason we know this is a factor is because retired men go to the doctor just as often as retired women do. So when men have time available to them to go to the doctor, they do actually end up going.

I don't want to say that this is the only factor, but this is an important point in the context of therapy. If you want to talk about different mental health utilization between men and women, then we need to look at time and flexibility as factors, and not just a man's willingness to go. Especially because therapy is a long term commitment with regular appointments throughout the year. If a man has trouble blocking time off for an annual doctor's visit, imagine how hard it would be to block off time monthly for regular therapy sessions.

This is a factor that I've yet to see investigated in the mental health context, and I feel like it's potentially very important and something that we need more awareness about.

lightning_palm · 2022-04-04T01:59:13+00:00

Brilliant article.

alcockell · 2022-04-04T06:18:27+00:00

I recall clips from BBC Mongrels featuring Destiny, the bpd Afghan hound. Look up just a little tap on the nose it is a parody of lily Allen's style involving destiny and her committing domestic abuse on her canine boyfriend.

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