"Giving away the daughter"

missdanielleyy · 2022-04-13T16:13:13+00:00

It definitely stems from a sexist tradition. It doesn't need to be that way today, though. If you don't want anyone to walk you, walk yourself :)

My parents were abusive and neglectful, so for my first wedding, I walked my damn self down the aisle. As far as I was concerned, they already "gave me away" with their behavior.

I'm not sure what I'll do if I ever get married again. I'm less angry at them now than I was.

ceramicunicorn · 2022-04-13T13:45:22+00:00

The thing about wedding traditions is that, at least in a free country, you can redefine them however you like. It’s all symbolic, and symbols are visual messages. What message do you want to send?

If you want to send the message that your dad is your greatest protector and advocate and he’s handing over trust to Mr. Groom who better not fuck it up, you can do that. If that role really only applies to your mom, she can walk you. Or, they can both walk you. After a couple of people, logistically it’s going to be a bit of a mess, but theoretically, if you enter some other way that doesn’t involve a narrow “aisle”, you could lead your whole tribe in. He could also lead his whole tribe in because of course, he’s got his supporters too who would like this marriage to not get fucked up.

You can both walk in independently from the sides (that’s what I’d like to do). You can do the aisle thing, and walk down it by yourself (as such a lone wolf already, I personally wouldn’t want to have that highlighted, with that level of attention on me as The Bride….if I’m the only one walking in the moment, I’d want someone with me).

You just do what you want and make it symbolize what you want. Those who know you will get it.

__kamikaze__ · 2022-04-13T16:46:32+00:00

It sound icky. IMO it carries the connotation that the daughter is like an object to be traded.

BlueSkiesOverLondon · 2022-04-13T14:56:38+00:00

In my religion, both sets of parents give their kids up symbolically at the wedding/official engagement ceremony that can be part of the wedding. We used to do a lot of arranged marriages, and I think it’s a relic of that—showing the joining of families and the approval of the parents.

Thus, personally, I’ve always thought it was odd, and a little bit mean, that the mother of the bride wasn’t included the wedding in any official ceremonial role. Like, I get if you don’t want your parents to give you away (could be considered infantilizing) but your dad and not your mom? That seems like a snub to me.

moonartemis1989 · 2022-04-13T14:24:34+00:00

Yeah ,here dysfunctional families with daughters (who obviously could have a son 😒🙄) do it. The most popular case I know is of this politician who was the chief minister of the state married his faughter for money . And it was blazingly obvious. Everyone just went with it.

She was married to this really wealthy business man's son. Mind you that business man had committed suicide a month prior due to his investors torturing him and he was also in debt . But he had alot of property that would go to his son , since now he was out of the picture.

This property was part of a trust so not really touchable. This politician took advantage of their delicate situation and bad press that person got to get his daughter to marry for money.

Colour_riot · 2022-04-13T15:31:58+00:00

In fairly progressive countries like mine, I think it still exists because it's related to religion, which in turn is very related to the whole submission thing (though I laugh because the husband knows he has generally has to submit for a happy marriage to work), and the problematic virginity thing.

engineergorl · 2022-04-14T08:18:36+00:00

Haha, are you Chinese? (Kidding.) I think parents having certain financial expectations of their potential son-in-law is fair. That’s having their daughter’s best interests in mind. They don’t want their daughter facing a lifetime of poverty and financial hardship because she married a broke, unemployed loser. They want their potential grandchildren to grow up in a stable household with all their needs met. A stable job, a car, and (maybe) a house are standard expectations. Finally, expecting this from a man doesn’t mean parents don’t want their daughters to be independent and successful. My parents are proud that I have a good career that makes great money, but they would still expect any partner of mine to be on my level. If I got pregnant and had to stop working, they would want to know if he could support me. Now, if parents were expecting their daughters to marry only millionaires and encouraging them to focus on attracting wealthy men instead of gaining a career, that’s an entirely different story and disgusting.

Accomplished_Ad9592 · 2022-06-14T04:33:05+00:00

I'm gonna say this how it is, you're likely comfortable in a first world country, you wouldn't know what it's actually like to live in extreme poverty

Title	"Giving away the daughter"
Author	mysecretdiary2
Upvotes	211
Comments	12
Date	April 13, 2022 5:10 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/u2is01/giving_away_the_daughter/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/giving-away-the-daughter.1112861 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112861

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