I grew up with a drug addicted/alcoholic Mother who would tell me she hated me, beat me up for no reason, lock me in a dark room as punishment and told me "you're gonna wake up tomorrow in Hell", all of this before age 5. It went on for years after until eventually the Government took me away and forced my Dad to look after me (and my Mother died a few years later, I was 14). He had a new Girl who became my Stepmother and she too was an abusive, cold/unaffectionate bitch who was 100% racist/far right and a domineering piece of shit too. My Dad was a complete POS for no reason at times too, and inconsistent in every way conceivable, never defending me once. I think these things turned me into someone susceptible to misogynistic and hateful thought processes.
Also, I've been told by several women I give off vibes like a serial killer. Whilst I have no intent to hurt anybody, I can see in certain pictures how my eyes look permanently either angry/stressed out/dead inside. I don't know what to even do about this situation, but I do wish to escape misogyny and a mentality of hate. Does anybody else have similar experiences, and is there a most appropriate course of action? Is childhood abuse a big factor in creating incels, or is it a separate thing that is more obscure and less of an ideology but more an emotional state, etc??
Edit: some people have ambivalent feelings about the word incel, my main concept of the word for this thread at least means 'person who can't currently form relationships', but as I've mentioned I have fell prey to emotionally volatile states and demonisation of other people and categories of other people (which I understand are deeply tied into the term incel itself) but I deeply wish to escape and overcome that. I could have used a better term than incel.
[–]ICQME 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]coffeetablestain 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]nevertoooldtodance 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AvianFan011 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Life is up and down for me like I think it is for everyone, but I developed a pattern at around the age of say 12 where self-isolation has always been preferable, so I don't have social skills, and I don't really try with the dating stuff, mostly due to internally realising I am not ready emotionally and may never actually be ready. I hope one day I am but I am coming to terms with the possibility I'm damaged mentally beyond the capacity to realistically cohesively date someone. Thanks for the reply!
[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]vcreativ 3 points4 points5 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]AvianFan011 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for that. I will heed this and take it on board
[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]vcreativ 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mountingsuspicion 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AvianFan011 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I feel like emotionally I have probably felt like both. Ideologically I reject both, but yeah I don't exactly have good feelings towards my dad either. Thanks for the response :)
[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DontTalkAboutBruno1 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AvianFan011 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I am considering therapy but it's expensive, I don't have lots of money or a job (I am on disability because of a mental condition diagnosis). My life right now is pretty sad and unhappy
[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]zonadedesconforto 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AvianFan011 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I have heard that but sometimes I experience a form of impostor syndrome, like "am I just using my childhood abuse as an excuse for my failings now?" etc. But I definitely felt alienated since I was a little Boy so I think there is truth to the concept that things have snowballed
[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]flakybottom -1 points0 points1 point (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]AvianFan011 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I mean I did feel it was kind of a weird thing to say to someone.
[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]flakybottom 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AvianFan011 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Yep
[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]jackedsoon 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nevertoooldtodance 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]AvianFan011 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
I agree with antinatalism too, though to me it's never going to get much traction for obvious reasons. I suppose people who haven't had our experiences aren't as 'tainted' emotionally and we may seem odd.
Sorry about what happened to you also.
[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nevertoooldtodance 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Knave_of_Opossums 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AvianFan011 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you for empathising with the situation, I'm sorry you had to go through what in my opinion is basically the same thing, just with genders swapped I guess. I don't know that I had any role model women in my life other than the fact I met cool women in various places and discovered female public figures and musicians I liked, which helped my perceptions not become totally askew, lol.
I live in an apartment alone which is actually pretty good considering some people's living circumstances, the system took some sympathy on me to get me that which is better than a hostel etc. Disability is enough to fit my needs, except I would sort of prefer to be building a career somehow, just feel massive inertia for many reasons. And I have family and stuff, sometimes get along sometimes don't etc.
Thanks for your comment though, it's helpful right now at a time where the World seems like some weird prison.
[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]flakybottom 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link