Retirement account drained over time

Gattsama · 2022-07-05T03:13:46+00:00

Sorry you are going through this. Not sure how things work in your country but in the USA there is zero change of you recovering any of those funds. With your eyes open and free will you choose to withdrawal / spend the money. You can spin it by saying less money she gets at final settlement 🤷‍♂️

No-Decision-592 · 2022-07-05T03:54:51+00:00

I did the same thing. Ended up broke and divorced

whatskeeping · 2022-07-05T03:46:46+00:00

Me too. Trying to make it up.

pegleg_legal · 2022-07-05T06:18:08+00:00

Nonstarter. The solution to this kind of problem: Say no or divorce earlier. There may be a roundabout (and long shot) way of arguing dissipation of the marital estate - but that's soundly in the realm of shit you need to ask your lawyer, not the interwebs.

FUMoney · 2022-07-05T09:33:01+00:00

Sell the house. Get away from this leech.

CantCopeAnymore24 · 2022-07-05T15:00:49+00:00

Same. Sold my retirement to pay off her premartital collections debt. Finances were a pain point for us, so I thought a fresh start from 0 would make it work for us.

It didn't. She kept spending. She kept not working. Her 3 kids kept eating (joking about this one).

We could have made it work if she had listened to me or had self control. Horrible mistake on my end.

leviathynx · 2022-07-05T17:35:17+00:00

Bro I legit cringed and shouted Oh No! In the room when I read this. Im married and soon to be divorcing a BPD. There’s nothing you can do in terms of getting it restored from the bank per se, but if you talk to your lawyer (please God tell me you have a lawyer) you can show the pattern of it being drained to satisfy her debts. Otherwise, stop financially enabling her, and when you get free, contribute the max to your 401k and get a Roth IRA if you want a shot at retiring before 65. Also if you need more BPD help, join us at BPDlovedones.

henrysmyagent · 2022-07-05T22:11:31+00:00

No, you were genuinely forced.

I'd have spent any amount of money to shut my ex the hell up. Women know if they harp onntheir.man long enough they will spend whatever it takes to gain peace.

Most women keep it up long enough to justify the cost of a divorce!

Q. Why do divorces cost so much?

A. Because they are worth it!

ThePlottHasThickened · 2022-07-06T14:00:09+00:00

That's the problem, people like this lie (in both senses) in obscurity. Im assuming it is or will be a bad divorce, and my father's was different in that he had to fight off bullshit contempt of court motions initiated by the bitch. so I'm unsure of if this would apply otherwise in an otherwise nasty trial but not involving her filing contempt motions, so I can't say for sure if a "normal" divorce involves having personal references/witnesses testifying at each party's behalf. If there is, choose wisely.

Even if they're your friend they can accidentally screw you as most people don't understand how to properly testify and excessively blab or use wording that the opposition will nitpick and undermine their credibility or twist what was said. In my father's case, one of his old bosses testified what his earning potential would be if he had to sell his property and get a job again as being 6 digits+. Which didn't help, for obvious reasons. And it wasn't even true, seeing as how he is at (mandatory) age of retirement with multiple health issues. He had tried, but unsuccessful to get a job in his field, even ones below his qualifications at a fraction of what he used to make.

His exs attorney managed to discredit an actual CPA/realtor involving the price of a piece of property, and used typical lawyer verbal vomit to get my mother's appraise, who was not a licensed realtor, CPA or appraiser (and locally known as a joke) ultimately have "more weight" to the judge's final decision.

The best you may be able to do is compile a list of witnesses if you haven't already gotten past the hearings involving testimony. I would also go through old text messages, and emails and try to find anything that shows her as being unstable and unfit for custody of your kid. Getting the funds back outright or having them factored in might be difficult, but if it was for things that were ultimately selfish and geared towards mostly pampering her own interests, especially if not benefitting the child, get records.

Any of the money made during marriage that went into the account will be martial, but if you can show documentation that she

A) pressured you in any way(s) (texts, emails, voicemail) B) money were spent on frivolous or selfish purposes for her (financial records) C) the child's welfare ultimately was seen as secondary to her (same as above, potentially medical records, etc) D) any extraordinary expenses related to taking care of your kid

You could make the case he is unfit to have primary, if any custody, and use that as a starting point to lessen the chance of paying alimony or child support to her. The courts often have an always care most about the child's welfare and the parents secondary. With the right lawyer you could potentially even get her to pay you child support.

Here's a tip(s) I learned while getting proof from past communications while assisting my father:

Emails: find a program such as a 3rd party email application (I use thunderbird) that allows you to install extensions to easily download/export every email from every account you have. You'll usually have a choice of formatting (eml, pdf, html, etc) to choose from. I had success in pdf format for readability and the ability to merge multiple pdfs so all the emails were on a couple of large files. There's an option to turn the pdf into searchable text I'm acrobat, which then let's you enter specific search queries using keywords and phrases to quickly find something without having to read every single email involving her.

Text messages:

when shit goes down in relationships, especially today, people often end up texting instead of a simply phone call. Like with emails, there are programs that allow you to download text messages in various formats that you can once again run a convenient CTRL+F to search for specific things instantly.

Phone calls:

i have an app called "callmaster" installed on my phone. It records every phone call conversation i have, regardless of imcoming or outgoing. I'm using a android, not sure if iOS has the same but I'd imagine it would have an equivalent app.

You'll want to check to make sure your state is a 1 party consent requirement (as opposed to all of those involved needing to consent), if it is you're golden. Dads ex was sneaky and would save the nastier stuff for actual phone calls and then play innocent,/dumb over text and email..if she does this, you'll have direct proof anytime she contradicts herself and shown to be a liar.

This is also useful for meetings with your lawyer. It'll help you not forget details, and also contain information that may help you down the road and are unfortunate to start with an incompetent or negligent attorney who acts against your wishes. As much as you should be able to trust your attorney, many are lazy and don't try and will push you to just settle with a garbage deal, only wanting to get paid for mediocre performance. Others are outright bad, or give terrible if not illegal

Most importantly, never miss deadlines as you'll lose "credibility" and open yourself up to them filing motions for contempt of court. Learn the specific process that is followed in your state/county and educate youtself on widespread but incorrect assumptions about family court. Ex: don't assume an appeal is what people often think it is. Its usually not a way to have the case thrown out, but to verify a judge aolktymmmskh<[email protected] ipi⅘55>[⁸>>>II jiu-jitsu ì>⁸I Kiki ì⁸>ì>>>Ujjain I yuk

Title	Retirement account drained over time
Author	James1933-75
Upvotes	13
Comments	21
Date	July 5, 2022 2:43 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/vrnqsn/retirement_account_drained_over_time/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/retirement-account-drained-over-time.1122988 https://theredarchive.com/post/1122988

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