How to best support you.

iainmf · 2022-07-13T09:42:16+00:00

Really listen to what men have to say.

Acknowledge the positive role men have in your life.

Be kind to the men around you.

oncothrow · 2022-07-13T09:40:48+00:00

Not rude at all. It's always a nice thing for people to ask.

So my question is, how can we, as women, best support you? How can we make you feel more comfortable and equal in a society that paints men in this kind of way?

In truth I'm sure a lot of people probably have a lot of different opinions on this.

At a most basic level: I'd just recommend listening (within reason, regardless of male or female, you always keep a mind towards your own emotional well-being and needs first) when someone in your life seems down and needs to open up regarding what's been affecting him. Try and be supportive and non-judgemental. People hearing what you're going through can be helpful.

Because I can say this much: We're always afraid of opening up that way. We feel like our problems are our own and shouldn't be dumped on others, and we're afraid that if we do open up, people have no idea how to respond or we end up in a worse off position because we're doing something that we're not supposed to be doing. Admitting to fears and concerns, or emotional challenges, often makes everyone else feel WORSE. Because you're supposed to be the collected and unflappable one, so if you're not, it either means you're not good enough and need to "man up" more, or everything is truly screwed and things only get worse. Help, support and comfort are in short supply when opening up.

Basically unless there's a catastrophic breakdown of some description, we're not seen to be struggling, and if we are then that's perceived (by everyone, including the man himself) as a "personal failing", and you can be freely judged for that. On rare occasions, because you've been that stoic pillar for so long that when we fail (or are perceived that we might fail), the person listening makes it about themselves ("How could you do this to me / us?" "Now what am I supposed to do?" etc. etc.). It's not as uncommon a reaction as you may think.

So it's best of all concerned if the man does not, under any circumstances, open up to anyone regarding how they're feeling. If you fail, it's because you screwed up (or are screwed up), if you succeed, then hey, I guess it wasn't a REAL problem anyway right?

So we don't open up. At least for me, the vast majority of my interactions, even with those closest to me, are done wearing a mask saying "everything is fine". I don't open up to anyone how I'm actually doing because I'm SUPPOSED to be OK. People SAY you should open up, but how often do you think that actually results in things becoming better? If the person is capable of listening without that immediate slide to judgement or dismissal, you might be OK and feel a bit better. If they're not, you've only made yourself feel worse emotionally and quite possibly made your actual real-life situation worse. So why would you?

Ferbuggity · 2022-07-13T12:46:20+00:00

As a female MRA I have a few goals and things I do that are more activist, maybe for inspiration:

- research facts that pertain to men's issues, keep links to those facts handy, use facts to squash feminist bullshit when confronted by it.

- if you see disparity in government publications or school policies, whatever, write and demand equal rights be applied to rectify it. For example, boys having less opportunity, less special classes and awards than girls, boys' statistics not present next to girls on sexual assault statistics pages.

- don't support circumcision, it's genital mutilation

- find compassionate ways to interact with boys and men online who tend to be labelled "incels". Below their vitriol and nihilism, you'll find some very harmed beings who respond to being listened to with care and respect.

just for your own FYI

- repeat to yourself "there is no patriarchy" - start viewing the world as not oppressed by it. Where oppression actually occurs, look for alternate causes. You'll find there is some patriarchy in the world, but a whole lot of other things besides that cause oppression. And feminism/the 'woke' agenda is up there on that list.

- hop on youtube, listen to Karen Straughan, Bettina Arndt, Erin Pizzey, and the channel Triggernometry - these are favourites of mine because they just say it like it is.

Direct_Geologist_536 · 2022-07-13T09:45:57+00:00

Maybe compliment a guy, it may be your dad, friend, boyfriend or whoever.

Try to be part of the virtuous circle of normalizing compliment for men so that they don't see compliments only as a flirt thing.

Maybe some will get the wrong idea so compliment another one, so that they both understand that you are just being nice and not flirting.

And if those reallllly think there is something even tho it's clear obvious it's not the case, then here they doesn't deserve compliment anyway.

Because I swear I almost cry when anyone give me a compliment in a friendly way.

That also help to open up to our feelings and reduce the feeling of being disposable.

thinkb4youspeak · 2022-07-13T16:31:57+00:00

When you hear or see misandry call it out. Same for misogyny. No tolerance for either. Gender equality for all.

Mens rights and nothing more. Women's rights and nothing less.

Krouser1522 · 2022-07-13T18:02:02+00:00

Good advice given in comments and one thing women who have healthy mindsets can do is combat TOXIC feminism. What do I mean by this? There are feminists who believe in equality for men and women and advocates for men’s rights but the majority of what we hear and see are all men are predators, men are trash, men are rapists, kill all men and everything wrong with society is men’s fault. This extremist ideology is extremely damaging to society and it’s taking a heavy toll in healthy discourse between men and women and if you are a man talking to a woman who believes this you are automatically misogynistic and if a woman advocates on behalf of men she has internalized misogyny this way of thinking just drives men absolutely crazy. Combat this way of thinking of other women because as men we are automatically guilty and we can’t even prove our innocence against these women who peddle this nonsense and I think the only hope we have are women standing up these toxic and damaging ideas

cdonaghe · 2022-07-14T02:09:05+00:00

Thank you for the kind post. I get the feeling that you are friendly and supportive to the both the men and women around you. Keep up the great work. It’s refreshing to see someone acting in such a positive way.

DaWatcher79 · 2022-07-13T10:44:41+00:00

Hey!

First of all, thank you for even acknowledging this. Lots of people-men and women,both- Don't,and much of the rest just do not want to do anything about it.

I don't think that you-as a person who supposedly does not engage in Misandristic behaviour and hate speech-need to do anything that specific. Just expose the aformated hate speech and confront the perpetrators of it,wether it is online or in real world,and especially if it is done by a person close to you.

Essentially the same things that we all have to do against any kinds of similiar toxicity and unacceptable behaviour.

IronJohnMRA · 2022-07-13T12:44:08+00:00

When you see these posts and comments call them out. Get other women, who agree with you, to help.

MarsRisen · 2022-07-15T07:36:32+00:00

I don’t think your comment is coming of as rude. It’s quite refreshing actually. Honestly I think most Men just want to be treated with some respect and dignity. Some basic etiquette between the genders would be nice too. For example, I held a door for a lady the other day and she ended up snarling at me. A “thank you” or at least a positive acknowledgment of my gesture would’ve made my day. That interaction ended up souring my mood for the day. Idk why, but I’ve observed women being pretty rude for no reason whatsoever. Not saying all women are like this, there’s plenty of amazing ones out there and they’re much appreciated. But I think it would help to spread the word that we’re human too.

Slavish_Brutallica · 2022-07-13T12:05:56+00:00

Another woman here. I also saw too many times shitty posts connected to misandry and similar nightmares. The best we can do is be pleasant to be with, kind, complimenting, supportive, helpful. Just like guys are nice to us, the urge to return the gesture is irresistible and morally correct.

stompin77 · 2022-07-14T04:23:39+00:00

The number 1 thing you can do:

CALL OTHER WOMEN OUT ON THEIR HATRED, MISANDRY, VILE ATTACKS AND JOKES ON MEN AND FATHERS.

Demand an end to this feminazi attack against men.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2022-07-13T14:20:29+00:00

Go after your own kind when you see them being crazy. Don't just stay silent.

Call out other women when they're being sexist.

low_effort_life · 2022-07-13T11:56:18+00:00

The simplest way to help is to avoid causing additional harm.

Basketballjuice · 2022-07-13T17:56:27+00:00

just listen. (within reason, incels and misogynists exist)

And the next time you're on a date with a man (if you're into men), get him flowers and don't tell him beforehand. Even a single rose will do.

SwoleandLonely · 2022-07-13T14:57:20+00:00

No idea but a good long warm hug from a girl in my class made me motivated for the whole week

NoCommunication5976 · 2022-07-13T16:48:29+00:00

One thing I do is think about a situation, and think if it is weird or not for the other gender to be in that situation. It helps eliminate subconscious bias.

awhatfor · 2022-07-13T20:50:32+00:00

Thank you for your support for men's issues

master_of_asster · 2022-07-13T21:45:08+00:00

treat men as individuals and dont blame the whole for what a few outliers may do.

skllyskullstyle · 2022-07-13T22:51:10+00:00

Ok ill start. 1. Ive always wanted men to me recognized for their greater efforts when it comes to dating strategies.

He always has to figure out what SHE wants. What does her body language and her subtle signs mean. Women tell me this and these other women tell me the oppisite. I have to check out every box in here chack list. Men dont really have one of those. Men vent out on rigged dating, and people jump them or dissmiss or ridicule.

Notice that men DO want to help women even without being told to. But media says that men can be easy targets by being free lightning rods and punching bags.
If you are a feminist and you DONT hurt men then you should stop calling yourself a feminist.
"but the definition of feminism is for equal rights for men and women". " ok then, if you are against smoking to not get lung cancer, then you're a nazi". Most of the harrasment you see towards men was scourced from feminism.
You dont have to do this, but hold other women accountable when they are calling themselves feminist or an ally or are slightly encouraging harassment against men who cant thefend themselves. Like i said, you dont have to do this because you might get labled as a "pick me" and be bullied by other women. I would not want that for you.
Dont tell me what a real man is.

Cheerf0l · 2022-07-14T01:41:26+00:00

I am sure many here will offer advice, lots of it good, but actively wanting to is the first and most important step, that you are ask this/want this is huge in itself.

Separate_Natural_368 · 2022-07-14T02:49:06+00:00

You can let men be men and not try to force us to be all emotional just so you can end up losing all respect for us and leave us at the time when we are most vulnerable. Don’t pretend like you care about mens feelings because a world full of cry baby emotional men is not what you want. Woman tell men to go to therapy all the time just to get us off your backs, we already know our problems exhaust women but we really have no other choice but to hold it all in or we will never achieve a stable relationship. You say men have big expectations in society. We cannot afford to show weakness like this men be vulnerable movement wants us to do

Ohnoes34 · 2022-07-14T08:51:12+00:00

Hey there. You are not rude at all.

you can best support other males with the same stuff you would support any other person. listen to them, be kind and dont play it down when they tell you they have problems.

CawlinAlcarz · 2022-07-13T18:30:53+00:00

The best thing I can tell you is that when you hear the generalizations that people make about men, imagine that they're saying them about your boyfriend (and it sounds like your BF is a good man that you love), or your son (or your potentially future son), and then try to put yourself in their shoes hearing that. If it seems offensive to you, it would likely be to them. After that, speak up and correct people who make generalizations and toxic statements.

Men and women are not 100% equal in all respects, and never will be - women have the ability to birth children and nurse them from their bodies, men do not. This is not a small thing in the larger picture of the total social dynamic.

MOST men really are good guys, just trying to live their lives, find a partner to love and who loves them back that they can build a family and a life together with in some form of sympatico bliss. Most men are capable of being just as good parents as most women are. Remember these things and point out when you hear hypocrisy and/or toxicity from others.

That would be a huge awesome start at being supportive.

lightning_palm · 2022-07-13T19:04:25+00:00

See my post 60 things YOU can do about the gender empathy gap — A call to action!.

i_hate_coding_ · 2022-07-13T15:33:50+00:00

Treat men as if they have value from the get go instead of letting them continue to believe that they have to chase it.

One of the biggest causes of insecurity in men is that men have it drilled into them from a young age that they will have value when they get enough money/power/sex.

Some men are too far gone, but we need to break this teaching. We will see society in general improve.

But because this belief is reflective of how society treats men, its not something they can get rid of on their own.

TAPriceCTR · 2022-07-13T15:47:41+00:00

Publicly denounce feminism... most particularly the lies and revisionist history of feminism.

Trev6ft5 · 2022-07-13T18:30:07+00:00

Don't put up with women dodging accountability and abused men self deluding and gaslighting. Encourage positive male role models and mentoring for young males. Whistleblow (safely) with toxic cheating culture among women's friends circles.

Dmonney · 2022-07-13T19:57:41+00:00

Actually listen and care when a man talks about injustice.

Call out bad jokes and statments when they come up. Especially IRL

Jonesw16 · 2022-07-13T20:41:52+00:00

Don't give us special treatment, just treat us like normal human beings and don't consistently degrade us, that's all we ask for.

qstro_mane618 · 2022-07-13T20:58:16+00:00

Listen and don’t make it about yourself. I know there’s a sexist belief that women tend to make everything about themselves and that’s not okay. But in mt life I’ve run into a lot of women who I thought I could trust with my mental and emotional state. Only for the woman I’m talking to, to start going off on me as if my problems were about her. And from what I’ve seen a lot of men have experienced this as well. Also don’t get upset if we don’t trust you enough to talk to you, we may have been friends for years but sometimes we’re just to scared to be belittled again for having our feelings

rossionq1 · 2022-07-13T16:52:11+00:00

At a time when everything is white men’s fault, basically recreate that “it’s not your fault” scene from “Good Will Hunting”…

gil-galad5150 · 2022-07-13T18:54:12+00:00

Too little too late was the cry. Chivalry , Marriage, it's all going down the tubes thanks to toxic femininity and you only have your feminazi sisters to blame for that . Good luck trying to turn it around , means a lot .

silkedcosmo · 2022-07-13T21:06:27+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Zachisawinner · 2022-07-13T14:57:25+00:00

Do not engage.

silkedcosmo · 2022-07-13T14:34:31+00:00

[permanently deleted]

CucumberAdditional39 · 2022-07-13T16:54:31+00:00

It varies a lot from man to man just like it varies from woman to woman. Some men deal with different things than others. So. I am a man. I lost my virginity after being drugged. I blamed myself for a long time and was confused about what happened. My brother took me hostage at gun point when I was 12. I was also stabbed that year. My family tried to cover it up by writing "stabbing back pains" as my reason to visit the ER. CPS didn't take kindly to that when they found out. In their defense, that is hilarious. The scar on my back is mostly faded now. My parents had multiple rough divorces. In one of them, which I tried to stay as far from as possible, my step mom accused my father of having naked pictures of me from when child and I got dragged into it anyways. I've been run over twice while riding my bike and won't go bike riding anymore because once was on the road and they told me I shouldn't have been on the road. The other was on the sidewalk and they told me I shouldn't have been on the sidewalk. I have a lot of additional traumas. I never mention any of these kinds of things to anyone in person. The majority of men I know won't either. There are a variety of reasons for that ranging from the cultural and social to instinctual and learned. It is easy to say, "Toxic masculine culture tells men not to open up" but in my experience men are allowed to be targeted for traumas by society as a whole. Men that open up have their traumas trivialized, they become mocked, and will likely face extortion or blaming in some way.

The main thing is to not think of masculinity as inherently bad. Masculinity often requires confronting or being left to the bad, and via exposure to it, it becomes altered. There are only so many times you can go and face the monsters before you risk becoming one. The toxicity inherent in both masculinity and feminity doesn't come from the masculinity or the femininity, but rather the traumas or lack of values combined with temptations depending upon the person's background.

I began lashing out in my teens. I robbed a store when I was 13. Got kicked out of school. Started using drugs extensively. It wasn't until my early to mid 20s that I turned my life around and became a law abiding citizen again.

A large part of that was meeting a woman that set a good example for me and was accepting. She was patient with me and firm, but fair. I would hold her under the night stars and we would sleep in each others arms beside a warm fire on cold nights. She had been through a lot too, but carried it well. She had overcome her own addiction and told me it was her or the drugs. I picked the drugs at the time, but always regretted it. She was a great runner and a wonderful student. She lived a healthy and responsible lifestyle. I wouldn't dare tell her this, but I think she would have made a wonderful wife. She was a year older than me and a role model I needed. She inspired me, unbeknownst to her, and I sobered up around a year and a half later, got a stable job, and went back to school. I just graduated and am an engineer now. She was the most important single impact on my life.

A good friend, role model, and responsible person can go a lot further than you might think.

I still won't mention my background to people, but it is because I know better than to. That can be dangerous for men especially.

If you want to help a male friend or spouse, nothing beats being a good friend and responsible role model. I realize that is a bit ambiguous and cheesy, but it's true.

SirCha0s · 2022-07-14T07:28:57+00:00

Imo the best thing you can do is stand firmly and loudly against the rad fem shit and call your toxic peers out. Even the women I've meet who are against it are fairly silent about it. If you do that that's honestly good enough for me.

Title	How to best support you.
Author	silkedcosmo
Upvotes	118
Comments	85
Date	July 13, 2022 9:01 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/vxymmx/how_to_best_support_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/how-to-best-support-you.1123313 https://theredarchive.com/post/1123313

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