I want to get divorced but it's complicated

ThrowAwayAccount__0 · 2022-07-26T05:49:22+00:00

It's a real shit situation. But sit down and get a piece of paper.

Left side (I stay)

Right side (I leave)

Fill that shit out. Be honest and write as much as you can.

As someone not affected by your decisions, I would say to leave. You can't save your kid or yourself while holding someone from drowning who isn't working to save themselves.

It's painful. But something that was told to me back before I got a divorce, was that sometimes you have to make a painful decision to save everyone; you and the people around you who are hurting.

As a man it's your responsibility to make painful decisions. Blessing and a curse. But making your wife and your child and you endure that life is not good for anyone. There are no winners.

The only reason it's going on so long is that you're afraid to do it.

So write that list. I would ask you to ask yourself, what actions does my therapist help me achieve? Because if there are none, that therapist isn't helping you move forward.

You can sit and think and plan and hope all you want but action is the only thing that gives results.

So plan your action and do it.

But in a situation like this, your wife has no reason to change. Your strife isn't reason enough. So you need to take action to either force her to change or (IMO, a better option) force yourself to change to make a better life for yourself and your kid.

You owe it to your kid man. Be the dad your kid needs and face the shit storm so they can have a good life. You can't raise a kid in that, and you know it.

Take action and stop kicking the can. It just gets worse the longer you wait.

If you go back to therapy, maybe you can discuss procrastination and how to address that in your life. It stems from fear; after you take action for this, address that, and find out what your true fears are and take action to overcome them.

pk1at · 2022-07-26T15:22:56+00:00

You should always remember that it never gets better. If you've reached the point of contemplating divorce, you are better off pulling the plug as soon as possible. You have only one life and a limited time to enjoy it. Your daughter is not going to be any better with you being unhappy. The longer you are in a marriage, the messier and more expensive a divorce is. Our system hugely rewards the impatient

I suggest you follow all the steps recommended in these forums. Lower your financial position, get your wife to sign contracts in your favor, get your wife to see a psychiatrist and keep all her medical records etc. In short get ready for divorce even if you have not yet planned on pulling the plug

Spend the next 4 years on yourself and preparing for divorce vs. trying to improve your wife's condition. You will feel much better!

Character_Hippo90 · 2022-07-26T08:09:06+00:00

There’s absolutely no way that you can continue at this pace. In a few months/years your mental and physical health will collapse, leaving you unable to take care of yourself, let alone anyone else. You have to make the difficult decision to file for divorce immediately, showing documented neglect on your SO’s part.

Unhappy-Ad8681 · 2022-07-26T14:29:17+00:00

my biggest concern is not to continue with her, it is my daughter. an autistic child is not easy to deal with, for me without all the problems she has she is difficult for me sometimes.

I know that her economy is not my problem, but if she is going to be with the girl 50% of the time, I do not trust that she will give her a stable life, plus school and her therapies, which she never does for her depression, if I can admit that she worries about her I can't say that she is a bad mother with the girl but when she talks about leaving the house at that time there are already problems.

If it wasn't for my daughter, I would have already divorced her without much thought. I've held on longer to wait for her to progress further in her condition to leave, but I also feel like I've given this situation too much time.

James1933-75 · 2022-07-26T05:27:27+00:00

How does her depression manifest? Does she threaten suicide? Does she work?

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-07-26T13:02:21+00:00

> she will not let me have full custody

Children have the right to both parents. 50% parenting time should be your goal.

> I don't trust her to lead a stable financial life

She's a grown ass adult and can take care of herself. You are no longer her white knight.

OpsimythOfficial · 2022-07-26T14:17:09+00:00

Hey friend. You and I are in very similar boats. It’s complicated for sure. I don’t know what I’m doing right now but if you want to vent or talk, send me a message. Much love.

georeddit2018 · 2022-07-26T20:14:09+00:00

Am sorry. You are in a tough spot. You are staying in the marriage to save and make thing better for her and the child. You also need to live your own life. Seek advise from a therapist or family friend about it.

Late-Kangaroo6081 · 2022-07-26T23:18:38+00:00

You need to divorce and get custody of your daughter. I'm not sure how your wife manages to do nothing everyday AND presents a potential formidable divorce foe. In her condition, I can't imagine a judge entrusting her with a special needs child. I don't know. You should find a good divorce attorney, preferably a female attorney, and discuss what the likely scenarios are.

Title	I want to get divorced but it's complicated
Author	Unhappy-Ad8681
Upvotes	2
Comments	15
Date	July 26, 2022 5:18 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/w8b2hn/i_want_to_get_divorced_but_its_complicated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-want-to-get-divorced-but-its-complicated.1124788 https://theredarchive.com/post/1124788

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