THINKING OF ENDING MARRIAGE OF 4 YEARS

Gattsama · 2022-09-24T12:40:56+00:00

Sorry you're going through this man. 1st it's very important that you have made an open honest communication attempt with your wife. There never should be any question prior to divorce that everything that could be tried was, and that the other party was either unable or unwilling to fulfill your request. From there you have to decide if the lack of whatever you are requesting is something that's worth terminating your marriage over. I leave that decision to you.

You didn't mention it, but it sounds like you don't have kids. That's good.

To address your questions out of order. 1st you are 100% entitled to your feelings, do not let anyone ever tell you otherwise.There are 8 billion people on the planet, we are not going to think the same, act the same or live the same lives.

Do not have an affair. If your marriage is that damaged, you should just consider termination.

You have to ignore all the social backlash you receive. There is never a scenario where you will be praised for choosing to divorce your spouse (maybe if she's cheating) , you will only be attacked. You have to learn that what other people think and what other people say of you is completely irrelevant. You are living your life, not them. Their opinion of you and your life should be completely irrelevant to you.

As for the actual divorce. It will require a 50/50 split of all community assets, debts and depending on your differences in income, spousal support. I can't speak towards Canada, however expect to have to give her 50% of everything. The house usually has to be sold in order for both parties to get their equity, unless one partner can buy the other partner out.

Talk to a local attorney about how things work in your province. Make a spreadsheet with all known assets, debts and expenditures. Do the math, and decide what you want to do.

I currently am in the middle of a divorce which is gonna cost me large amounts of money, but only in the short term. Long term I will be financially better as a single individual and I will be able to invest all the money that I'm currently spending on my marriage into self improvement, passive income streams, ETC. Let me be clear I am financially better off then most and can afford this. But it's only money, I can always make more money. What I can't do is generate more time! What I couldn't do was generate more peace, happiness nor contentment while remaining in my marriage. Divorce has evolved over the last several decades for the sole purpose of transferring money from the male to the female, and protecting the female from all negative consequences that occur during the marriage. The system is what it is, I accept it. I am willing to pay the price for freedom. I'm not advising you what to do, but I am saying that if you really feel that divorce is what you need in order for your life to move forward in a positive direction; you need to also accept that some social stigma and financial loss are the price.

Good luck and be safe out there...

Electronic_Savings71 · 2022-09-24T13:24:58+00:00

Why don’t you invite her to the gym with you and start meal planning/prepping? It sounds like she has no motivation which I can relate to, especially if y’all have children. They’re a lot of work. But she may be more receptive if you come at it from a place of a joint lifestyle change and to be healthy instead of telling her what she needs to do herself. Your support could make a world of difference.

BrickEquivalent6273 · 2022-09-24T15:29:54+00:00

Tough situation. But don’t cheat, that’s such a bad idea.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-09-24T13:46:48+00:00

Classic bait and switch. She was everything she knew you wanted to be. But when she received the confirmation that would be willing to marry her she started showing you her true self.

Leave and find happiness for yourself brother.

sicrm · 2022-09-24T12:15:36+00:00

you’re at a crossroads.

there’s one path you leave now, sure you take a hit publicly and financially, but it’s nowhere near as bad if you cheated.

the other path is you stay and try to work things out. the most likely scenario is that doesn’t work, and you end up paying more to leave, especially if you have a kid.

your start the process of leaving by working on an exit plan. gather your important documents, secure them, and book consults with lawyers to see what a divorce would look like.

IcyEntertainment8673 · 2022-09-24T13:45:21+00:00

It sounds like you haven’t tried every Avenue and there’s deeper issues at hand. Resentment, maybe?

The next partner you seek will gain weight once they have kids. Or get sick and can’t manage weight. Or have surgery that impedes sex. Or age and menopause attacks libido. My point is, if you’re basing your divorce/future-relationship on something as fickle as appearance and sex appeal, then do yourself a favor and stay single.

Im not judging you, honestly trying to help you. Her weight or sex doesn’t sound like the typical dead bedroom posts. You don’t sound upset about the prospect of ending your marriage, just what others will say. You don’t mention your love or commitment to your wife, you mention how replaceable she is. You come off as a narcissist.

Worried only about staying attractive and trying to be civil to maintain an image. Divorce is ugly, no matter how you cut the cake. Even amicable divorces are ugly. Leaving your wife without attempting therapy or getting to root of why she’s “letting herself go”….. Whats the real issue here OP?

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2022-09-24T12:39:41+00:00

You are correct that you will be The Bad Guy.

She will be the Suffering Victim of your “shallowness.”

It’s BS but it will happen.

She thinks she has you trapped and can let herself go.

Bail.

Fallout4myth · 2022-09-24T12:54:56+00:00

Do you have kids? Have you tried couples counseling? Has she tried therapy for those underlying issues you think she's having?

In an ideal world our partner would 100% stay the same looks wise. Life happens and our weight fluctuates and so will yours at some point in life. It's unrealistic to expect our partners to maintain the same physique through an entire marriage.

However, I would advice instead of pointing the finger and telling her it's your fault she is not living up to your expectations, help her along. Buy healthier snacks, prepare healthier meals. Workout together. Lifestyles are hard to change, more so when you feel inadequate and judged by your partner. Your wife will more likely reciprocate and look at fulfilling your needs just as you are fulfilling hers.

Now, if you've legitimately have tried to salvage your marriage to no avail, there will be fallout. People will judge. You'll lose friendships, relationships will be strained. As much as you try doing damage control it's inevitable. Only thing I recommend is keeping this process confidential except people you trust. You'd be surprised how judgemental people become.

Here in Canada assets are split 50/50. Things get complicated when you bring emotion to the process, and when parties feel they deserve more than 50/50, or women feel they deserve alimony. If you are considering divorce, consultations are usually free of charge. I'd book an appointment with Financials/assets ready, and hear the lawyers advice.

captainchippsixx · 2022-09-24T14:54:10+00:00

Why don’t you see a lawyer first and see what you can make to prepare for divorce the road.
Married 4 years the money split shouldn’t be too rough. Maybe you can protect some assets ahead of time. I would push for counseling or then divorce. But see lawyer first and have a plan. Before counseling. Jilted spouses like to fabricate stories and grab the money.

Freefaller6 · 2022-09-24T19:51:22+00:00

If youve put this much thought into it, it’s already over. The finances are painful as hell, expect 50/50 plus alimony if you make more money. It is legalized robbery. But if can come to terms with that, it might be worth it. I’ve had a great couple of years since my ball and chain moved out! Speaking of which-do NOT move out. Make her. If you really want to prep, make her get a job if she doesn’t already. You want the finances to look equal.

Title	THINKING OF ENDING MARRIAGE OF 4 YEARS
Author	MajikMontana
Upvotes	0
Comments	31
Date	September 24, 2022 12:04 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/xmr2ia/thinking_of_ending_marriage_of_4_years/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/thinking-of-ending-marriage-of-4-years.1131882 https://theredarchive.com/post/1131882

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