What should a men with a preference of dating women not having casual sex while there is no way to ask without being a creep?

HazyMemory7 · 2022-11-22T15:22:53+00:00

No personal advice threads. This can go in daily chat.

gymbro718nyc2 · 2022-11-22T14:50:35+00:00

You are barking up the wrong tree. You need to seek therapy and fix your issues. Cause guess what? There aren't that many virgins out there. I've checked personally.

purplish_possum · 2022-11-22T14:54:07+00:00

Chill the fuck out. It's just sex.

fuurinji · 2022-11-22T14:51:29+00:00

Just make it your kink.

Creation_Soul · 2022-11-22T15:01:08+00:00

what would you consider an n-count after which you consider it "yicky"?

neither me or my wife were virgins when we met (we were eachother's third partner) and I don't think i've given any real thought about my wife's past partners.

you cannot control what you like, but the world is also not forced to conform to your preferences. you must also consider the fact that your preferences may lead you to be alone long term and must be ok with that (because there might be a real chance of it happening).

The9thElement · 2022-11-22T15:12:40+00:00

It’s fine to prefer virgins but if you are serially rejecting otherwise normal, stable compatible girls because of intrusive thoughts that is not normal, contrary to what men here would tell you.

If this is not something you are willing to compromise on, cool, but be prepared to be single for a while, and it will only get worse as time passes, as the amount of virgins also decreases as time passes. At some point your likely only options will be religious women, teenagers, unicorns or women who are undesirable in some other way.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-11-22T14:52:17+00:00

Probably look towards conservative and religious dating sites and more conservative and religious social activities and hobbies.

NewWayNow · 2022-11-22T15:00:56+00:00

Ask to inspect her labia and vulva for signs of past promiscuity — prominent folds, loose skin, hyperpigmentation, overall disorganized look.

YtBlue · 2022-11-22T15:09:10+00:00

Certain behaviors and aesthetics. The list of red flags are, drugs, piercings, tattoos, surgery(bbl especially), confidence when talking to guys she finds cute, bisexuality, hates men, high sex drive, very high or very low self esteem, but the biggest one is experience. If she no longer thinks naively when dating and can you catch her actually understanding men halfway, then she's 9/10 been around the block.

BridgeBurner22 · 2022-11-22T15:09:59+00:00

retroactive jealousy

It's not retroactive jealousy. It's your subconscious telling you that a promiscuous woman is a serious threat to your survival (survive = passing on your genes in this case).
Women are the only mammals who don't display any outwards visible signs of being ready to conceive. So, selecting for non-promiscuity is how men tried to reduce the risks of paternity fraud. The "yuck" you talk about is just your fight or flight response telling you to get the f away from someone who is posing a threat to the survival of your genes.

It's the reason why all the shaming tactics by women and all the "the past is the past" BS will never change anything. Its an evolutionary defense mechanism ingrained in men. You can't convince evolution to change retroactively.

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pro-frog · 2022-11-22T15:17:45+00:00

As others have said, therapy is still an option. You could also just date people for a little while until the topic comes up and then discuss the fact that it makes you feel insecure. You can have the conversation with someone without blaming or shaming them as long as you emphasize that the feeling comes from assumptions you've made rather than any sort of universal truth. Might not always go well, since there are no guarantees in life, but it's one option.

But yeah, I mean, there isn't a great way to ask about a relative stranger's sexual history without coming off like a weirdo. You're gonna have to wait until they feel comfortable discussing stuff like that with you and it might take a couple dates to get there. Feeling insecure about a hypothetical partner having ever had casual sex is just not an easy road, because most people don't feel that way.

Just remember it's a numbers game. You put yourself out there more often, you increase your odds. I encourage you to stay open to the idea that there are some people with a history of casual sex who don't match the assumptions you've made, and to focus on sexual history as one aspect of a whole person rather than a firm line, since it's about someone's past rather than their future. Would hate to see you lose out on someone great by making assumptions about their personality or values that they didn't actually fit.

toasterchild · 2022-11-22T15:17:53+00:00

Until you fix the problem you're going to get the same results over and over. I'm curious what halogens in your mind when you find she was a but more well than you expected? What part of it bothers you? That she's not prefect? She will compare you? She will miss it?

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Title	What should a men with a preference of dating women not having casual sex while there is no way to ask without being a creep?
Author	pareidol14
Upvotes	0
Comments	17
Date	November 22, 2022 2:31 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/z1v1d5/what_should_a_men_with_a_preference_of_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-should-a-men-with-a-preference-of-dating.1140582 https://theredarchive.com/post/1140582

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