Did I make the right decision?

Gattsama · 2022-11-22T02:49:09+00:00

Hey man, I remember that post. Still can not advise you on what to do, but yes the feelings you are having are very common. The ex and I were together for 17 years and married 12+ years, separated Oct '21 and I filed Feb '22. I have been out of the house for 3 months. After I filed would have these waves of guilt just hit me and my sleep got messed up. No matter what I did or tried I would wake up after 4 hours. And the guilt and anxiety would really make me question am I doing the right thing, what if X happened or maybe if we tried Y, or is she ok. Just general worry about her. Here is someone I love that is suffering, and it's a reaction to what I choose (and yes I knew why I made that choice).

So ultimately that all went away, and in my case I am 100% confident I made the correct decision. For me what helped was listening to old audio records of a past fight / discussion (where she just talks in circles, attacks me, and continues to blame everything on me). Look at my old notes. And talking to others about our history.

When we were together I was a liar. I lied to myself, I lied to her and I lied to others. Mostly lies of omission; I didn't want to tell others about some of the dysfunctional BS in our marriage. Talking to others (never mind there feed back, just saying the crazy out loud) really helped refocus me on why I choose divorce (we are not healthy).

About 1 week went to the house to pick up the last of my possessions awarded me in the divorce. Of course she wanted to talk, I knew that would happen. I choose to stay there for about 2 hrs. She cried, she nearly yelled, she blocked the door, she was reasonable, she blamed me for everything, etc. etc. Point is at that time I felt some pity, but no guilt and no doubts. I'm not even sure I trust or believe the tears 🤷‍♂️

Forget about what others would think if you changed your mind, or how you act about anything. Only YOU and your kids matter here. So to answer your question, yes this stage will pass. As for what should you do, as always up to you.

Good luck ...

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-11-22T02:49:05+00:00

> I was watching my wife cry

Women crying is just a form of manipulation. Turn up your Don't Give a Fuck meter another notch.

slow_burn6 · 2022-11-22T15:52:26+00:00

Man, I struggle with the same thing from time to time. I was arrested on false allegations from her and I STILL had that feeling. It's ok to miss her and it's ok to miss the stability and the life you had.

I eventually did a few things that really helped - made a list of the top reasons why I wanted the divorce in the first place with specific examples. I made it with a close friend that helped me remember some things. Also made a similar list of things I'm looking forward to being better or getting to do post divorce. That really helped. Also for the criminal defense (again, false DV charge...) some friends/family volunteered to do character witness statements. Holy shit, some of the things they noticed that I never thought anybody saw really woke me up

I still feel it from time to time, but then I remember that list and the sharp edges of the feeling get dulled and it eventually goes away

StephenSDC · 2022-11-22T22:07:53+00:00

It's not about "looking like an insane wack job", it's about denying the person you were when you finally reached your limit. If you go back, you'll inevitably reach that limit again.

This too shall pass. It's the journey you're on. Don't turn back.

captainchippsixx · 2022-11-22T02:35:05+00:00

It wasn’t working and it would have killed you sooner. You can divorce and start dating afterwards, but the orig post why would you?

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2022-11-23T14:04:04+00:00

Past actions predict future behavior

Title	Did I make the right decision?
Author	insomniac07067
Upvotes	2
Comments	9
Date	November 21, 2022 11:48 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/z1ed42/did_i_make_the_right_decision/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/did-i-make-the-right-decision.1140657 https://theredarchive.com/post/1140657

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