So I am typically not the type to be as honest in print as I'm about to be but iv reached a point for the first time in my life where I'm completely torn and I don't know what to do and probably need to see some viewpoints from the outside looking in so here I go...

I'm a 43 year old male who has been married for over a decade to my high school sweetheart. We have no kids. Truth is for the past 6-8 years we haven't gotten along very well, sure there are times when things are fine and normal, rarely would I say things have been "great" but there has been great spurts. I feel like most of the time we just 'exist' not that we are always fighting although there is a fair and consistent amount of minor bickering along with some major blow ups. We have a dog together who is now 10 who we both adore but outside of that we've grown to have very little in common. We've been thru marriage counseling twice over the years and it really hasn't yielded much results. Don't get me wrong we don't "hate" each other and I always figured we can get through life together the way we are. We both have families who we get along with really well. I really actually like my in laws a lot and they are great people, in truth, part of my reason for staying is to not hurt them or really deal with the awkwardness of hurting them. So like I said I always thought I could just go through life on this path which certainly isn't the best or worst relationship. It's just worked since high school....

Here lies the current problem...

I live in a state that I'm tired of, I just don't want to be here anymore however my wife won't leave her family which I understand, for me, I don't see it as leaving our family because I don't see air travel as a big deal. Because I have some more flexibility in my schedule I do some traveling on my own as I truly enjoy alone time from time to time, which I think is fine. You can be married but also be ok being with yourself at times. Well over the course of traveling to a state on the other side of the country that iv completely fell in love with I met a girl that is unbelievable. She is 5 years older than me which doesn't really bother me, (I think) and we have EVERYTHING in common. This girl is amazing. She has a little bit of a questionable past in that she has been divorced from the same guy twice and has 4 adult kids, 3 of which she doesn't have relationships with. The oldest having 2 children of their own. She also has been married a third time (second guy) which she admits was a rebound mistake and got divorced after only a few months. She has been single for a decade now but is totally stable in terms of life. Great high end apartment, nice well kept car, keeps herself in shape and healthy. She is extremely smart and again iv never met anyone iv had so much in common with and haven't felt what I feel for her in decades and the feeling is mutual. If I was single it would be a no brainer to pursue her.

I always thought I can just deal with my mundane marriage and maybe thought my situation was normal as iv technically known my wife for 25 years and there just isn't much new and exciting at this point. But when I met this new girl it made me feel things I never thought I could feel again. It's amazing to have so much in common with someone and I can't stop thinking about this new girl and iv been completely honest with her about everything. She has applied no pressure on me but has made it known she is clearly interested in a future with me.

I honestly don't know what to do and have some concerns from both sides that I'll list below in random order.

If I get divorced and move to pursue this girl.

  1. What if it doesn't work out? Did I lose an ok or comfortable life for nothing?

  2. I get my health insurance thru my wife's job. Can I afford health insurance.

  3. Can I afford living on my own as I certainly wouldn't just move right in with the new girl. I'm sure I could but do I essentially wanna double my expenses?

  4. How can I handle hurting my in laws who are great people.

  5. How can I leave my dog.

  6. Do I want to go thru the process of getting divorced? Sure, we wouldn't need lawyers and dont have kids, but just the whole process from start to finish seems daunting.

  7. The overall awkwardness of telling family we are getting divorced.

  8. What about our nieces and nephews.

  9. If I stay I'll still be stuck I'm a state and climate I hate.

  10. If I stay I'll always wonder what could of been.

  11. Even before this girl iv always fantasized about a new beginning but never had a reason that was worth all the complications and it's just easy to stay the status quo.

Any input greatly appreciated