Common goals and values vs interests and hobbies

LightOverWater · 2023-01-06T04:00:26+00:00

our humour is off

If I had to pick one thing this is the most critical. Things like interests, hobbies etc are small things that don't matter and in some cases being different is a good thing. But humor needs to be in sync.

however I don’t feel any chemistry.

There's surely at least couple dozen men out there that you do have chemistry with. That chemistry is extremely important if you want your relationship to withstand the test of time.

I also don't believe in hoping for chemistry to just come out of thin air. If you've been on a few dates and it isn't there, just move on. In accordance with red pill, the strongest relationships will have a burning desire. If your relationship doesn't have that... what might happen when you come across someone in the future that you do have burning desire for?

Underground-anzac-99 · 2023-01-06T13:15:03+00:00

If you don’t like kissing him give up now,

AgreeableAd7689 · 2023-01-06T10:59:49+00:00

I dated someone like that, he was a robot with a good career. Would’ve made a good provider, Father and partner. I couldn’t get past the lack of personality though.

My boyfriend now has the job and the looks plus we’re in sync with interests, humor and philosophy. It was a risk finding him though as I’m in my late twenties.

Dating is a job, assess your worth and risk levels and make a choice.

LonesomeCrowdedWhest · 2023-01-06T13:23:34+00:00

Reminded me of this short section from Ben Shapiro show about how he decided to marry his wife https://youtu.be/kwpIxieN4Qo

He says dating is not really like the day to day of marriage and shared interests are not really that important if your values / goals are aligned.

mindyourown_biz · 2023-01-06T13:29:25+00:00

I don't think anyone here can answer this question for you.

It's all about how important you think these factors are, and that - only you can answer.

Me personally - I couldn't be with someone that don't kiss the way I want to be kissed.

hheellooyyoouu_ · 2023-01-06T23:32:49+00:00

I think you should listen to ur gut feeling. If you cant decide at this point and have doubts just go on a few more dates. Test him, test his humour in different circumstances. I think humor and chemistry are corelated at a point. If you are just very stiff through the dates and are not having fun then ofc your willingness to get more intimate is lower. If you feel that you become rigid, too serious, and not flowy and easy going around him thats a very bad sign.

sunglasses90 · 2023-01-06T04:22:54+00:00

How many dates have you been on?

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-01-06T13:50:59+00:00

I had the same problem when I was dating. I went through a phase where I'd brush men off for silly reasons, before getting to know them. Then, I assumed that's what I was always doing when I had legitimate reasons for nexting a guy. There is a middle ground, though.

If you were just concerned about hobbies, I'd suggest you try to find at least a few things you both enjoy. You've gone out with this guy a few times, though, and it doesn't seem like chemistry is developing, physically or emotionally. Even if he's otherwise a great guy, it's okay if you need more.

I used to recommend this book here all the time, but at 27 I read the book Marry Him: the Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, by Lori Gottlieb. It's told from the perspective of a 42-year-old who finds herself somehow still single and gives the advice she wishes she'd gotten in her twenties about passing over good men. Ignore the title. It's more about being realistic than settling.

Calm-Caregiver-73 · 2023-01-09T07:25:06+00:00

We are on the same boat except we have sexual chemistry. It’s so tricky. We are going relationship therapy.

AutoModerator · 2023-01-06T03:40:50+00:00

Title: Common goals and values vs interests and hobbies

Full text: Hi all, I’m a 27F and I met someone new. I probably didn’t give myself enough alone time following my breakup from my 4 year relationship 😬. I’m just wondering if my priorities are out of order due to my past relationship or lack of dating experience?

About the guy: 31, engineer, high income earner, family oriented, is dating with intention for marriage, respectable guy.

About us: we met on Hinge. There was nothing particularly outstanding about his profile but I was intrigued by the fact that he looked to be of a similar background (ethnicity wise) and he said something about wanting to build a future with someone. I honestly didn’t expect this to go anywhere like most matches.

Thing is, we have lots of common ground in terms of religious beliefs, family values and purpose of marriage for the most part. Apart from that, we don’t have anything else in common other than our worldviews and ideals about marriage and family. Like we don’t have common hobbies, music interests, our humour is off. I feel like I haven’t seen him let his guard down or maybe this just how he is?

Generally our dates go pretty well. Physically, I think he’s a decent looking guy, however I don’t feel any chemistry. I dislike the way he kisses me. I do like his hugs, however awkward because he’s really tall 6”4 and I’m 5”6.

In contrast my ex and I had more in common across the board than not and had great chemistry. It didn’t work out for other reasons though.

Should I not worry about the chemistry or I guess the lack of desire being there for me? He’s great on paper but somehow there’s something missing.

Any advice?

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Title	Common goals and values vs interests and hobbies
Author	mindyourown_biz
Upvotes	10
Comments	48
Date	January 6, 2023 3:40 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/104joqh/common_goals_and_values_vs_interests_and_hobbies/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/common-goals-and-values-vs-interests-and-hobbies.1146835 https://theredarchive.com/post/1146835

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