If there was more transparency in dating, would it help? Ex. Telling the other side the real reason for rejection

Yesm3can · 2023-01-14T09:07:17+00:00

What if the answer is both honest, but also is totally useless to help one improve, because it is not about what can be improved upon at all?

I do not remember how many guys I have (politely always) rejected, especially if cold approaches is included, but there were 6 guys I rejected in which we got to know each other well enough first (as working colleagues, university classmates, neighbors, fellow martial artist, etc) before they asked me the question.

The answer simply was that I did not want. It was not their physical appearances, not their personalities, not the 'abundance' mentality cause I was holding out for 'better' guys, not because they did anything wrong. I simply did not want.

In many places, romantical relationship is a want and not a need. Only very few places in this world needing relationship as a means of protections (for example in places where women are being forced to stay home by law. Having a husband, son, dad, uncle, etc is necessary to be able to buy food at all.)

To understand it, just imagine this, just because someone is jobless, does not mean that person want a job. Just because someone is sleepy, does not mean that person want to sleep (coffee exists). Just because someone has sweet tooth, does not mean that person want cake for lunch.

Oftentimes the reason is not that deep. Just do not want.

tinyhermione · 2023-01-14T11:18:25+00:00

No. Bc a lot of the times the real reason for rejection will just make the other person feel bad and achieve nothing.

It could be good in the instances where it's something the other person can improve on and that's relevant for dating in general. Like for example "You started our Tinder Convo talking about your dick and that turned me off" or "you need better social skills " or "you should get a haircut, some new clothes and lose weight "

But then a lot will just be about compatibility. Like, I might not think a guy is funny at all. The next girl he talks to might double over laughing. Or I might not think a guy is handsome, the next girl he meets might think he's the cutest thing ever.

Or it could be something the other person can't improve on and then you are just making them insecure. Like if a guy told me I had a "meh face" or that I was too tall for him, what would I do with that info?

Also, very often people don't know. They just don't feel it, can't explain why. The people you feel sparks with are the exceptions and it is really weird magic. It's not that logical.

xvszero · 2023-01-14T14:10:12+00:00

Probably not as much as you think. Because then you would continually be jumping through new hoops trying to chase down what you think people want based on someone who has already rejected you, instead of just finding a partner you work well with.

Remarkable-Jump9125 · 2023-01-14T15:39:43+00:00

Yes, if I were ugly, I'd want to know. I wouldn't want to be told some vague gibberish about "no connection" or spark. I'd want the actual truth so I can work on it.

Naus1987 · 2023-01-14T15:18:58+00:00

I think transparency would help! Even more if it came from both sides.

How many times has a man crushed on a woman he didn’t even know, and day dreamed about marrying her.

Never once having the transparency to under “why” he wants to be with her.

If people were more honest with themselves and why they want to be with someone, they could be more accountable to connect with people with compatible personalities instead of “she’s so, I want to marry her, and just hope I can mold her personality to whatever I’ve fantasized she would be.”

A lot of times men throw adoration on women, and the woman thinks he cares about her personality, but he just has goo-goo eyes for her body.

Significant-Dog-4362 · 2023-01-15T17:26:38+00:00

The problem could be any number of things. Would you be able to handle the honesty? Most people think they are but aren’t. Would you really be able to handle someone saying you’re ugly, too tall, too short? Probably not, and those are things you can’t change. A lot of people shoot for the impossible. Example an average 30+ year old man thinking he has a shot with supermodels. It could happen, but ain’t likely.

07Galaxy · 2023-07-06T15:47:38+00:00

not exactly. Simply because what is turn off for someone can be a turn on for another person. Like, for example, I am not compatible with extroverts. They are just too much for me. It is just me... and I am 100% positive that someone will like that extroverted guy for his extroverted personality.. but not me. .. Another example - I am not attracted to guys with brown eyes. not my type, and I am very positive that there plenty of women who like guys with brown eyes.

HOWEVER:

Some men lack in communication department, are rude, vulgar, disrespectful, do not understand basic dating 'rules' for men (like do not be too intense, do not come on too strong, do not pour out all your personal negative stuff on your first date on an innocent woman etc ) - these guys do not read self-help relationship books and I do not believe they ever will. These guys will forever be rejected by women of value.

Title	If there was more transparency in dating, would it help? Ex. Telling the other side the real reason for rejection
Author	Gmed66
Upvotes	4
Comments	29
Date	January 14, 2023 6:26 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/10bhiko/if_there_was_more_transparency_in_dating_would_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/if-there-was-more-transparency-in-dating-would-it.1148402 https://theredarchive.com/post/1148402

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