[18M] I'm suddenly annoyed at my parents all the time for no discernable reason. Just a normal puberty thing or what?

howdoudolife · 2023-01-27T07:47:29+00:00

I can't say to whether it is normal for all teenage boys, but I had the same issue when I was a teen as well. Just remember: Your family will always be there for you, especially your parents. Your parents are not going to last your whole lifetime. Treat them well as they have brought you up, raised you, fed you, clothed you. It's a very difficult task to nurture a child, but it's a very special thing. A blessing.

I guess my message is to think about what you're grateful for and focus on that. Usually distance helps as well, so if you do move away don't cut contact. Keep in touch. Whether it be moving away for University or for work.

It's okay for you to feel annoyed at seemingly pointless questions, but take it as an opportunity to bond with your parents. Use different perspectives to see things in a more positive light. Maybe your mother wants to connect with you, now that you're a young adult, thinking your own thoughts and having your own opinions. If you're exhausted from work or school or anything else, that may be a reason as to your tolerance levels but again: take that as an opportunity to talk about it with your parents. Express your feelings. This is what I've learnt from my struggles.

It sounds to me that you're a goodhearted kid. You have empathy and concepts of Theory of Mind. Don't stress, you've got this, take it day by day. They're your parents for a reason. They love you dearly.

All the best with this!

LettuceBeGrateful · 2023-01-27T15:01:42+00:00

Could just be irritability from quitting porn.

Maybe the next time they try to talk to you, just let them know that you've been feeling really irritated, but you aren't sure why and it's nothing they did. Something I've found to be true time and time again is that just by naming negative feelings out loud, they diminish a bit. And even if they don't, at least your parents aren't left wondering whether they did something wrong or worrying that there's something concerning going on in your life.

uniptf · 2023-01-27T15:55:21+00:00

There are several possibilities.

-1) It could be normal teenage agnst, and what you're experiencing is just a response to all adults in your life still exerting authority over your life, while you're a) feeling more and more independent and looking to find your own individual understanding of who you are; and b) yearning for more autonomy because you're not a kid anymore even though you're maybe not emotionally, psychologically, or mentally really prepared for independent adult life yet. Your problem, like many teenagers, is with all external authority, but is focused on your parents because you're around them more, in a more isolated setting, where they have complete control, and have been the dominant authority figures in your life for its entirety so far.

-2) It could be that there are things you haven't shared with us about the history of your relationship with them, and your mom's illness, and your dad's support of her or what you see as "siding with her" in difficult times; and that there's a legitimate resentment - whether conscious or subconscious - you have for them because of it. You say that your relationship with them is "fine at the moment", which implies that it has been problematic in the past. That can lead to long-lasting bad attitudes between people, even in times of peace and quiet between them.

-3) It could be symptomatic of normal changes in the brain that happen in the teen years that don't reverse until the mid-20s.

The pre-frontal cortex shrinks considerably. That's the part of the brain responsible for things like self-control, planning, rationality, logic, self-awareness, controlling behavior and impulses, delaying instant gratification and short-term rewards in favor of future goals and better long-term rewards, regulating emotions, thinking through decisions, solving problems, making long-term goals, changing our behavior when situations change, seeing and predicting the consequences of behavior, being able to consider many streams of information, and being able to focus attention.

At the same time, the structures of the limbic system of the brain grow a lot. That's the part of the brain that causes impulsivity, emotionality, thrill seeking, risk taking, response to stress, arousal, emotional responses to the world, reactivity, preparing the body for emergencies and starting the fight or flight mechanism, and triggering fear and fear reactions.

So around age 12-14, our brains shrink considerably where we logically reason through thought processes and decision making and drawing conclusions, and grow considerably where we just react emotionally to stimulus and information, impulsively, don't consider information or consequences, don't think about our actions or statements or assertions, and have knee-jerk reactions to things that rub us even a little bit the wrong way.

Here's a podcast discussion about it:
https://omny.fm/shows/stuff-to-blow-your-mind/i-was-a-teenage-teen-the-science-of-teen-angst
Here are some articles that will explain it more:
https://www.livescience.com/21461-teen-brain-adolescence-facts.html
https://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/human-brain/teenage-brain.htm/printable

The good news is that all three of the possible situations can be improved for you by talking through your thoughts and feelings and figuring out possible solutions and/or coping mechanisms for you, with a counselor or therapist who will be both a) neutral and objective, and b) working for you to help you achieve some peace of mind.

You should think about finding one to talk to. I hope you do, and that you find some peace and happiness soon.

Best wishes.

Desserts_i_stresseD · 2023-01-27T16:50:27+00:00

It's that last part buddy. Change is hard, try not to take it out on the people you love and identify you're feeling annoyed and remind yourself why you're doing it.

Affectionate-Sock-62 · 2023-01-27T22:28:31+00:00

Relax man. For what it seems you're handling things super well. Despite those feelings it doesn't seem you're being rude or aggressive.

On the contrary, showing this level of concern shows great care for them.

That being said, there is nothing wrong to be annoyed and wanting not to spend time with people. Even being angry or irritated around them is OK. There is no wrong way of feeling. Just try not to let those feelings make you say or do rude or hurtful things you might regret later. Recognize them and act in response, get out of the room, go do something else, let them out listening to angry music or exercise.

Getting annoyed and irritated around our parents is normal, otherwise we wouldn't seek our own adult independent lives. Use those feelings to push you to that if you so desire.

Title	[18M] I'm suddenly annoyed at my parents all the time for no discernable reason. Just a normal puberty thing or what?
Author	PickleJewler
Upvotes	19
Comments	7
Date	January 27, 2023 4:23 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/10mbzc9/18m_im_suddenly_annoyed_at_my_parents_all_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/18m-im-suddenly-annoyed-at-my-parents-all-the-time.1150086 https://theredarchive.com/post/1150086

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