What to do if you meet the requirements of “alpha widow”

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-02-07T21:20:26+00:00

I'm sure some women have been alpha widowed, but I would discourage you from thinking about such a brief relationship (that was never going to work) in those terms. It's been four months. Take some time to reflect and enjoy being alone. In a few months, it'll be warm out and the perfect time to go out with friends and meet new guys. Don't ruin that by putting this man on a pedestal.

Scared-Tea-8911 · 2023-02-07T21:57:32+00:00

Darling, you are 22 years old. You are not “alpha widowed” or ruined for average guys because you had an experience with one above-average guy. Your needs and desires, and even what makes someone “above average” will grow and change over time. The things you value now (facial structure, height, same major as you) will fade in importance in a few years when you are thinking about things more akin to job status, financial stability/success, parenting/fatherhood ability, etc. 💕

sunglasses90 · 2023-02-07T22:09:04+00:00

You don’t. You’re not alpha widowed because you had one 1 month relationship at 21.

My advice is try to get married by about age 30 if you want children. So you have about 8 years to settle down and find a husband. That’s 40% of the entire life you’ve live so far so…A LONG time.

This guy was an interesting fling. Enjoy it for what it was and keep moving. You’re going to meet a lot more interesting people before you marry. Sex creates feelings so just know what you’re getting into if you have sex with a guy. Be careful and be picky.

CauliflowerElegant76 · 2023-02-08T13:53:47+00:00

Honestly it doesn’t seem like you’re an alpha widow, it looks like you’re just a young girl who experienced her first infatuation. I felt the same way about my first bf, after we broke up, I thought I wasn’t going to find a guy who can compare. Since then, I’ve met guys who are almost at the same as the guy I thought was so unique and special. Obviously he still holds a special place in my heart bc he was the first guy I was seriously into and we hit many milestones together. But I don’t let that connection hold me back from looking for a guy I’m compatible with.

My advice would be to give yourself some time to feel this heartbreak. When you’re ready again, you can start going out with more guys. Use your experience with this guy to better understand what you want in a man. I also recommend going no contact with this guy if you’re still talking to him - it can be hard to get over a guy if you’re still talking to him.

Also there’s no such thing as a “perfect man”. I’m sure if you look back on things, you can find things about him that were unattractive to you. It’s easy to look at someone through rose coloured glasses. Maybe this guy seems perfect to you now but when you have a clearer picture of what you want in a man, you’ll realize he couldn’t have given you that anyways. For example, he wasn’t able to give you the commitment that you want - that already shows he’s not perfect for you.

brushshstrokes · 2023-02-07T21:46:12+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/live/EptUvgylx3g?feature=share

Hope this helps

Justwatchinitallgoby · 2023-02-08T02:55:50+00:00

I’m sorry this happened to you, but it doesn’t appear to meet the definition of an Alpha Widow.

AutoModerator · 2023-02-07T21:06:27+00:00

Title: What to do if you meet the requirements of “alpha widow”

Full text: I’m 21, almost 22. I had my first relationship a few months ago. It only lasted about a month but left a very strong impression of me. I met a man, let’s call him A. A was pretty much everything I was looking for, handsome (his eyes were like… really long and slanted, great facial structure, he took care of himself, went to the gym regularly, etc, was rly muscular), smart (we’re in the same major, and he’s really quick witted and funny), tall (6’4, for reference Im 5’7 and find it hard to find someone who makes me feel small), creative, passionate etc etc. Basically, he was my “perfect man”. I’m still not honestly sure why he was interested in me. He did approach me, but Idk if he approached me based on looks since I was drawing something in class and he liked my art.
We broke up for logistical reasons I won’t go into too much. Basically, I was leaving the country soon. I also was never sure if he was into me. But anyway, I pretty much lost all of my firsts to that relationship - first kiss, virginity etc.
It’s been 4 months since we broke up and I’m still not over him. Even worse, I can’t move on to anyone else because I don’t know anyone who lives up to him. anyone else would feel like “dating down” for me.
I know it sucks that I fell for a hookup. I knew in my gut he was too attractive to commit to me but I was just so into him that I didn’t care. Now Im suffering the consequences. Idk what to do. I feel like I was supposed to move on by now.
Sorry for the rambling

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TheBunk_TB · 2023-02-08T15:49:25+00:00

You helped detonate your own relationship. You weren't sure if he was into you because you were self sabotaging/sabotaging the relationship. You self deleted yourself out of the picture.

Not sure if you were in the running or not.

Maybe he liked you, maybe he liked being with you? There are plenty of attractive men who like all sorts of women

My question: Did he actually do something to drive you away? Not much detail here.

It sounds like you bailed because you were moving. Once again, not much detail here. Was the guy sad that you had to go? Did you create drama so you could dump him before you moved?

RedPillDad · 2023-02-08T16:27:30+00:00

The intensity of things diminishes over time. I remember that first cup of coffee I had in uni, couldn't sleep afterwards. I was so wired, thoughts racing, hyper-alert. Now caffeine barely has an affect. You'll find that with infatuations and attraction in general.

Some people have warm-up relationships with partners they aren't so enamored with. Less intensity, less heartache. Some people embrace the hookup culture and blunt any notions of love and devotion.

You started with a higher caliber guy and experienced the full intensity of attraction. Yes, others will have a harder time measuring up to him. Does that make you an alpha widow? Probably, at least for the short term. Understanding your situation is half the battle in overcoming any unrealistic expectations you might put upon a potential partner.

tomowudi · 2023-02-09T16:11:39+00:00

First of all, grief is a perfectly normal and healthy response to a loss, even if it's not something like a death or a traumatic event.

https://www.verywellhealth.com/grief-and-mourning-process-1132545

There is nothing wrong or even "sucky" about your feelings for him. There is nothing wrong about mourning the loss of a relationship that is associated with so many important milestones in your life. Those firsts - those will be the firsts you compare all future partners to. How you felt while in that relationship is the feeling you will be comparing all future relationships too.

Why?

Because that's the way life works.

Before we are old enough to have a romantic relationship, we already have a model for what it's like to be in one that we gained from observing the relationship of our parents. Indeed your relationship with YOURSELF is in large part shaped by the relationship you have with your parents and their relationship with each other. They are the first PEOPLE that you have a relationship with - so they set the standard for what "normal" looks like when it comes to all relationships, including the relationships you have to financial decisions, your emotions, your health, etc.

In Western culture, we tend to think of things as being "black and white" - binary. Things are either good, or bad. In Eastern culture, things can be good, they can be bad, they can be both good and bad, and they can also be NEITHER good nor bad. This cultural difference is one you should consider in relationship to your perfectly normal and healthy grief.

The loss of this relationship is both good and bad.

It sucks that you hurt because you no longer have this relationship.

But you are LUCKY to have found a relationship worth losing that can inspire this level of sorrow. Because until this relationship, you never actually had those same, powerfully positive experiences. Your grief is helping you to remember everything that is worthwhile from that relationship - and those memories will last a lifetime.

You are young, so for you a lifetime is just 22 years. For me, a lifetime is 40 years. You will need to live 2 full lifetimes for you to have the same relationship to grief that I have now, if you are lucky. Because the older you get, and the more of your life you are actually LIVING in the here and now rather than getting stuck in the past or lost in the future, the more you will have to lose.

For every single person on this planet, there is a last time.

There is the last time you will have your first kiss.

The last time you tell your parents you love them.

The last time you go bike riding.

The last time you fall in love.

Right up until the last time that you take your last breath.

And for every single person on this planet, you will never know when that last time has arrived.

The fact is that this is the last time you will mourn the loss of your first important relationship. It was a clean break, it wasn't traumatic, just sad. Which makes it all the more bittersweet because as far as memories go, it is a beautiful one to carry forward with you into the future.

You should feel grateful for this pain, because this pain will warm your heart one day, when you are old and wrinkled. It will help you recall a time when you were young, beautiful, and full of adventure. You will remember how heartbroken you were, and you will also be able to recall the many other joys and pains which put this loss into perspective as you recall the DECADES of life that followed it.

You are grieving a loss. Be glad, because it means you have lived, still live, and thus you still have more pain to harvest from the adventures that you take the opportunity to go on when they present themselves.

Oh how I wish I could be 21 again, broken heart and all.

Title	What to do if you meet the requirements of “alpha widow”
Author	MathNo4047
Upvotes	10
Comments	29
Date	February 7, 2023 9:06 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/10wd5kw/what_to_do_if_you_meet_the_requirements_of_alpha/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-to-do-if-you-meet-the-requirements-of-alpha.1151577 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151577

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