What do you think?

Jenneapolis · 2023-02-16T03:50:27+00:00

You really do have to do your own soul-searching on what you want out of life. I am your age and I also spent 10 years with someone who I eventually left because he wouldn’t marry me. I became resentful, and it caused more pain to my life than being alone (and it’s not really alone because I found something new).

You don’t mention what your dream scenario would be with this man but you know what you are getting. He has the relationship he wants with you and it’s unlikely to change after 10 years. Are you OK with it as it is and other women on the side? I don’t even hear you say he apologized or was nervous about getting caught cheating. It almost sounds like he expects you to just take it.

Only you can decide what you can live with. Just please don’t have a delusion that he’s going to change from exactly how things are now.

Astroviridae · 2023-02-16T05:00:18+00:00

Is this the 61 year old? At his age with his level of wealth, he probably won't marry you. If you've been together for 10 years and are living separately, at best you're a long term girlfriend. Realistically, you're likely a plate. He probably doesn't view your relationship as seriously as you do. And if you decide stay, you'll have to accept that.

daloo22 · 2023-02-16T04:39:28+00:00

Are you okay knowing he'll always have other women, if he supports you and takes care of you?

pieorstrudel5 · 2023-02-16T12:50:52+00:00

What is your boundary? Example, do you want monogamy in a relationship? If you do.... Tell him that. If he says that's not for him. Then only you can decide. Do you hold your boundary and walk away and find a man who suits your wants? Or will you accept his no and move your boundary? Is he worth moving a boundary for? Knowing he will never change and there always be other women in his life. If he isn't, walk away. Doesn't mean he is a bad man or that you did something wrong. You just aren't a match.

If you decide to stay on his terms, please protect yourself financially. Make sure you have a 401k or open an IRA and that you are maxing it out. Make sure you have a 6-9 month emergency fund. If he buying and paying things for you, you should have room in your budget to invest.

I am in a very similar relationship to yours. Been with my partner for a long time, we do not live together, and no plans to marry. Would I like to be? Sure. But he had a ugly divorce - so he is not interested. I moved my boundary on marriage for him. Even though He definitely takes care of me. But because of the nature of our relationship (ie no marriage to protect me), I make sure I would be okay on my own if something went south. I like to think it also shows him that I am not with him for his money.

sunglasses90 · 2023-02-16T15:50:56+00:00

From his point of view what he is giving you (aka money and attention and lifestyle) should be “enough” for you. It’s up to you whether it truly is enough. Do you want to be married or have a family? Because that’s off the table with him. Are you happy with your current arrangement? A lot of women would be and a lot wouldn’t. There’s no right or wrong answer. It’s your life and you get to decide. Do you want him to hide his other girlfriends better?

If it were me I’d be pissed, but at the same time reality says it shouldn’t be surprising either. Take some time to think things through and it’s always a good time to buy a coffee out alone and just contemplate your life and what you want the future to look like.

jenna_grows · 2023-02-16T14:20:34+00:00

I don’t mean this sarcastically, but do you realise you’re a sugar baby more than his partner?

My friend does this for a living, essentially. It’s quite transactional. That doesn’t mean her sugar daddy doesn’t care about her - he does - but only to the extent it’s convenient for him.

To her credit, she knows she’s not his wife. She’s happy just to get the money and sees it as a job. Her boundaries are clear and he respects them.

But she’s done this for 15+ years now with different guys so she’s experienced.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2023-02-17T14:45:36+00:00

So as a man who also lives a non monogamous lifestyle I will say that it was a total dick move on his part not to disclose this about himself from the start. No amount of ”Oh, but I only started doing this a couple of years ago” BS changes that. Doing what? Other women? Even if it is a recent development, he has an obligation to tell you. It may well be entirely non-sinister, in the sense that he was just afraid (unsurprisingly) that you would react badly to him trying to have his cake and eat it too, but still. Sometimes the music must be faced. Regardless of whether that is convenient or not.

You’ve been with him for 10 years. How long has he had GF2? And he never mentioned it? How do you know he doesn’t have a wife somewhere? I tell girls from the jump and let them make their own decisions. Some nope out, others are like “Challenge: ACCEPTED!” and others say smth like ”Other girls, you say…can we, like, ‘do stuff’…together?” You never got to make a choice about this. That’s not fair. Did she know about you? Or were you a secret too?

If monogamy is a dealbreaker for you, then you have to have that discussion with them, and you have to be prepared to walk. That may be difficult because it seems you are dependent on him for your livelihood and lifestyle, etc.

If you decide to stay with him, and it seems like he might, there should be some ground rules. Like how about no more lying? Because that’s what he was doing, even if he was simply not telling you bc that is lying by omission.

When I confronted him about it he told me, “You have nothing to worry about.” “I would never leave you.” “Please stop worrying so much. I need you” “You are an integral part of me. No one could ever replace you.”

Riiiight. Now, that may actually be true, but when a guy says that, they are just words. And words disappear into the air. If you were going to be OK with get him getting some extra curricular nookie, you need to have protection. What form that takes up to you. Does he have any life insurance that you are the beneficiary of? Because if he is an older man, and you are dependent on him for your livelihood, then yeah, that becomes important. Even if it at his age, if he really is a multimillionaire, some term life insurance is “pocket of my other pants” money for him - if I ever had a “permanent” Forever Girlfriend I would at least have the decency to load up on term and I would consider making her at least a partial beneficiary under my will.

A lot of women get told what you get old, but unless that is in writing, it doesn’t mean anything. Do you want to know who inherits under intestacy? Not girlfriends. If he has kids he’s hiding you from then he could set up an inter vivos trust. A girl have to think about the future you know.

AutoModerator · 2023-02-16T01:33:06+00:00

Title: What do you think?

Full text: I have been in a relationship with a man for the past 10 years (I am 39 years old now). We are not married. I love, adore and respect him completely.

We have always lived separately. For the past few years I have been working for him as his “personal assistant“ so he is now supporting me financially. I have tons of freedom and live a five star lifestyle. He is a multimillionaire.

Recently, I discovered that he has another girlfriend. I was devastated. It really caught me by surprise.

When I confronted him about it he told me, “You have nothing to worry about.” “I would never leave you.” “Please stop worrying so much. I need you” “You are an integral part of me. No one could ever replace you.”

This has all been an overwhelming emotional roller coaster. Mostly, I feel so alone and hesitant to tell anyone because all I will get in response is independent woman rhetoric.

I have decided that I do not need to make any decisions about my external circumstances right away but instead use my freedom and resources to do some serious soul searching.

At times, I believe that I am in a dangerous situation but I am also in an incredible situation. Ideally, I wish there was a man like Kevin Samuels I could talk to about this. It’s hard to find support that is not judgmental.

If anyone is in a similar situation I would love to chat.

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

titlejunk · 2023-02-16T01:52:25+00:00

Are you looking to get married and/or have children? If so, he is likely not the man for you. I would have said the same thing to you 5 years ago and without knowledge of the girlfriend.

This man will never ever make you his wife.

If that’s ok with you, go ahead and leach off his income for as long as he will allow.

He already bought cheap some of the best years of your life. Let him keep paying I guess.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-02-16T21:29:51+00:00

The blunt truth is that any woman who sticks around a wealthy man for ten years, never gets married, never lives with him, and never has his child, should tacitly understand they're not the only one.

If your financial support comes in the form of having your bills/shopping sprees paid and getting taken on trips, you're not even getting paid real cash for your work - and you should be looking to your retirement plan. Usually these sort of relationships come with an "allowance" in addition to the experiences.

The reason someone is making the sugar baby comparison is because you sound like you're fulfilling the role of a courtesan, to put it politely, for him at a cheaper price. You unwittingly entered into a relationship where many would implicitly understand there would be other women, and act accordingly, because this kind of thing is common in multimillionaire circles.

Listen to u/pieorstrudel5

If you want to get out of this arrangement, I'm not going to lie and say it'll be easy, but it may be far more rewarding for you to leave the "lifestyle" behind in favor of commitment and an actual life partner. This probably isn't going to last until his death when you're in your 60's or 70's.

Title	What do you think?
Author	Hot-Economy5639
Upvotes	5
Comments	27
Date	February 16, 2023 1:33 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/113ejex/what_do_you_think/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-do-you-think.1152499 https://theredarchive.com/post/1152499

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