how to stop replaying hurtful moments in a relationship

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-03-01T18:51:09+00:00

One thing I've learned here is that by "HVM" a lot of women actually mean "the best I think I can get". Is there a ring in sight after about a year, or is it mainly you/his family that's keen on that and he hasn't mentioned plans? He doesn't sound too marriage-minded with you.

Then again, some people just have warped senses of humor. (Fortunately, my husband and I share a warped sense of humor. We've ended up cackling privately over some wild jokes others would be appalled by.)

brushshstrokes · 2023-03-01T18:58:33+00:00

Try to interpret the comments in a way that casts him in the best possible light, so that you assume positive intent and can forgive him. Maybe he said that because he's insecure and wants to game you? Maybe he's afraid of you leaving and says it because he has no other way of being vulnerable?

Also, don't beat yourself up for being angry. You can feel angry AND not want to feel anger. In this case it's served its purpose helping to protect you. You can thank the anger and see where that goes.

Just make sure that this doesn't become a pattern with him, because if it does then that's emotional abuse and you should leave.

But maybe he's just being a dick.

Armchair678 · 2023-03-01T19:51:53+00:00

Men who truly love you and respect you don’t make these kinds of comments usually. Especially not unprovoked just to see how you react. Especially not multiple times.

These things aren’t actually jokes. He’s testing to see if he can hurt you and you’ll take it. So far you’re passing the test. I’ll tell you that the more you pass the more you lose. Self respect is everything. If people figure out you don’t have it then they sometimes do very bad things to you and justify it because in their mind you don’t care about yourself so it’s free game to hurt you.

Sea-Cow4216 · 2023-03-01T19:13:43+00:00

Men who can actually fuck really hot girls don't feel the need to brag about it. Just saying. He's trying to make you feel insecure.

True_Composer1103 · 2023-03-02T14:54:42+00:00

The “you’ll never compare to my ex” comment is crossing a line, if you can’t get over these comments it’s for a reason. They bother you and trying to forget them even though you are still bothered by them just forms resentment which will cause you to blow up after awhile. It’s up to you if you already brought it up to him and they still upset you than you have to really think about it and be honest if you’ll ever get over those comments 🤷🏻‍♀️ words hurt it doesn’t always have to be a serious occurrence.

cluelessgirl111 · 2023-03-03T03:51:41+00:00

i know we as readers only know one story and not the whole story of your relationship, it’s all about the dynamic you guys have. personally, i would never cross this line with my boyfriend, im with him bcos he’s the love of my life. and if he told me something like that i would back off immediately, it would make me feel like a replacement. if he said his ex was better or whatever then he go and try get her back, im not putting myself in that situation. i don’t understand the necessity to let YOU know, the woman that he’s supposed to love, protect and care of dearly, that if he was on vacation (why on vacation alone btw?) he would definitely cheat if there were beautiful women, aren’t u… a beautiful women? i just personally wouldn’t feel comfortable with any of it. i do not have the time to deal with someone’s childish games. always remember that if you play silly games, you’ll gain silly prizes. how is he a hvm if he doesn’t treasure his woman? besides, if there’s something that you don’t like and you voice your concerns and he doesn’t stop, then there’s not only a problem of communication, but also understanding. whenever i tell my boyfriend that x thing he did made me feel x y z and if he could please stop it or whatever he does it. because he respects me and values me over a joke or a comment or whatever. i’m above all of it. he might be doing this to make you insecure, which is dumb, he’s a grown man, he should know better. and if he might be doing this because he’s insecure, again, he’s. a grown man, he should know better.

do_less_god_bless · 2023-03-01T19:35:24+00:00

Curious, how old are you and how old is he?

Agreeable-Comedian24 · 2023-03-01T17:50:49+00:00

So you want to be married, spend the rest of your life, with a man who tries to make you feel insecure and tells you you will never compare to his ex?? That sounds like a miserable life. If you can’t get rid of the negative thoughts now imagine how much worse it will be in ten or twenty years. A true HVM would not be so disrespectful. Who cares if your families are involved, they will understand and should want the best for you.

CarabellesNotebook · 2023-03-01T18:20:21+00:00

I don’t have any advice, it’s valid to feel this way. I’d leave him, I can’t imagine a man who loved a woman would say such things

AutoModerator · 2023-03-01T17:17:25+00:00

Title: how to stop replaying hurtful moments in a relationship

Full text: I am dating a HVM for almost a year and he is a great partner besides some hurtful comments he has made in the past(he has never cheated in his past relationship and does not believe in it, but he does make jokes about cheating if he ever went to a country with outrageously beautiful women) I told him it hurts me and he has made an effort to cut back.

How do I stop ruminating on past comments that hurt me? What did your therapist tell you to manage the angry internal thoughts? I feel like my anger just overpowers the good he does for me and puts a strain on my happiness in general because he does spoil me, is very kind, patient, and enjoys spending time together. Also our families are involved too so I can't just next him I'm trying to get married.

Thank you RPM and RPW for reading ❤️

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2023-03-09T15:52:08+00:00

Title: how to stop replaying hurtful moments in a relationship

Full text: to

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	how to stop replaying hurtful moments in a relationship
Author	someone0794
Upvotes	11
Comments	35
Date	March 1, 2023 5:17 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/11f9exs/how_to_stop_replaying_hurtful_moments_in_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-stop-replaying-hurtful-moments-in-a.1153931 https://theredarchive.com/post/1153931

Comments