Question: What would you do if you got a woman pregnant in a casual hookup situation, and she told you, but then she decided to move away, change her name and phone number, never tell anyone else that you are the father, not put you on the birth certificate, and never ask for child support?

callthebankshot · 2013-11-12T19:59:22+00:00

The answers you get are going to be highly dependant on whether or not the respondents want to be fathers.

assemblethenation · 2013-11-12T20:08:56+00:00

I'd feel quite bad about the fact that there's a child growing up without a father...and it's my own. What would I do? I'd probably try to still find her and provide support, make sure the child knows there's a father that cares about him/her. I don't think I could just naturally move on with my life.

2013-11-12T20:46:44+00:00

Regardless of my wishes or those of the mother, a child deserves to have both their parents involved in their life if possible. I would do my best to be there for my child.

raptorrage · 2013-11-12T20:59:06+00:00

Before I got married? Probably kill myself.
Seriously, that that my kid is out there, I want to love him, support him and raise him, and that I am being blocked from doing so, it would have been too much for me.

I had a female friend that said she was going to go to bars and get laid till she got pregnant. I decided she was scum. Worse then scum for not giving the guy the opportunity to be a Dad.

miroku000 · 2013-11-12T21:00:49+00:00

I think you may run into problems later. What if 10 years from now, she decides to be mad at you and names you as the father? Then they will come after you for a decade of child support...

PowerWisdomCourage · 2013-11-12T19:38:23+00:00

Get it in writing, but I also have no desire to be a parent at this point in my life.

JaydenPope · 2013-11-12T19:54:20+00:00

Get it in writing then tell her to have a nice life.

Captaincastle · 2013-11-12T20:05:46+00:00

I'd wear a matrix trench coat and say "woah" a lot because i just dodged a bullet.

Ma99ie · 2013-11-12T20:48:18+00:00

I would file it under, things that never happened.

notnotnotfred · 2013-11-12T20:14:14+00:00

for myself, that's not a possibility for personal reasons.

it's a man's right to decide for himself, but I can see it being very painful for each of the people involved, whether the decision is to pursue a relationship or abandon it entirely (and anywhere along the spectrum)

TheSacredParsnip · 2013-11-12T21:16:52+00:00

I would want to be in the kid's life. So this wouldn't be an acceptable option for me. I respect both the woman and man that are able to make something like this work.

Juan_Golt · 2013-11-13T00:26:03+00:00

I'd do everything I could to find my child, and file legal paperwork to gain custody. Then things would happen in this order:

I'd have to leave my job/friends/community to follow her and be nearer to my child. Because otherwise I'd have no chance of gaining meaningful custody/visitation as an out of state father.
Once my name is on the birth certificate the first legal order will be back child support for the time when I wasn't legally the father. This would happen prior to any custody or visitation is granted.
Child support would be assigned based on the most I've made in the past few years. If I make less currently then the court will use 'imputed income'. It won't matter that I had to move to follow my child.
I will spend between $15k-45k in a custody battle where I have little chance of even equal parenting time prior to my child being school age. I will likely miss first words, first steps, many holidays etc...
Once I have spent $40k and 5 years of my life fighting I will finally have equal parenting time. Only to be treated as a babysitter. Schools will call mom, doctors will talk to mom, etc... My career will be a wreck because professional environments give zero leeway to single dads. 'You have to take care of a sick kid? Why aren't you married? Did you run out on your family? Why didn't you man up and marry her?'

This is assuming ideal conditions. If the mother truly doesn't want me around then it will mean fighting endless unfounded restraining orders and potential entrapment/imprisonment.

EdgarFrogandSam · 2013-11-12T19:32:27+00:00

I wouldn't do anything.

2013-11-12T20:32:23+00:00

If she hasn't put you on the birth certificate, you're not legally the father and if she's moved away and changed her name it may be impossible to locate her. What could you even do? And how would you really know you are the father?

EDIT: Grammar

Roddy0608 · 2013-11-12T23:38:31+00:00

What could I do? I'd be powerless.

mannercat · 2013-11-12T23:55:11+00:00

It can happen to you. The guy can take the child and hide from you too.

SporkTornado · 2013-11-13T01:02:11+00:00

can she still sue me for child support even if my name is not on the birth certificate? Is she able to add my name to the birth certificate if she changes her mind later. let's say she leaves my name off the birth certificate. then when the child turns 15 she decides to add my name to the birth certificate because she wants child support. could she come after me for 15 years of back payment of child support for a child that she kept secret from me for 15,years?

rightsbot · 2013-11-12T19:28:17+00:00

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2013-11-13T01:20:46+00:00

Step 1. Condom, always, even if she says she's on birth control, Step 2. Step 1 should dramatically reduce chance of fatherhood, if a child is still born and this offer is presented to me? Take it, after getting it in writing and on video or audio tape. I'm not yet ready to be a father.

That said, this would never occur for me. I do not take sex lightly and would never have intercourse outside of a significant relationship.

Circumstances would change with my girlfriend. I have a really amazing girlfriend right now and have for over a year. If she became pregnant she'd likely want to keep it imo but her family is also fairly wealthy, meaning that I'd be ok with it. That may sound shallow but I'm just being realistic; one of the chief reasons I'd otherwise not be ok with it is because I do not have the funds to provide for a child in a standard I deem appropriate, I also need to finish school before considering a family. In my specific scenario, with her, the funds would exist to provide for said child and I believe, given how involved her family is with her life, that we'd have significant help with caretaking as well.

Hope this answers your question.

AnnArchist · 2013-11-13T01:30:49+00:00

Well, depends how much money you are ready to spend.

tallwheel · 2013-11-13T02:05:57+00:00

Even if I got it in writing, I would be less than accepting of this arrangement. I wouldn't be surprised at all if in most places the mother would still be able to change her mind and seek child support later, even if she had signed an affidavit saying she couldn't.

The man's wishes in this situation are pretty much irrelevant, though, since he'll basically have no choice but to go along with it if this is what the mother decides.

Also, I object to the phrase "got a woman pregnant". A man and a woman create a pregnancy together. It's not something a man unilaterally 'does to' a woman.

corpseflower · 2013-11-13T02:33:45+00:00

I would thank my lucky stars. But i would also worry that about that woman becoming unemployed: The gov. would find the father and make him pay child support long before she could claim unemployment.

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