Sex question for the ladies: Do you consider oral (female-on-male) an "expected" normal sex act?

margerym · 2013-08-02T18:35:52+00:00

I don't think she has to have been abused to not view it as a part of sex. Our culture tells women it's not. It also tells women it's awful and should be reserved for "special occasions". Ever heard of Steak & BJ Day? It's a thing. March 14th. It's suppose to be the male answer to Valentine's Day.

Do I think it's an expected and normal part of sex? Yes. I think oral for both is really important.

bannana · 2013-08-02T22:07:05+00:00

She agrees with all of this except oral f-to-m (BJs),

There is a whole, big group of women that are raised that only 'whores' suck dick. This is usually tied in with an ultra religious background which she clearly has. Not sure what to say to help you fix it since you two obviously didn't talk about this before marriage. You can try to talk about it but she has a lifetime of conditioning that this is 'wrong'. The idea the another poster suggested that you use semi-force to get her to preform is asinine and borderline abuse. Talk to her outside of the bedroom (this is important) and find out why she is uncomfortable with it, let her know that it's something important for you sexually and see what she says. You said you are considering divorce, it can't be just because of oral sex is it? If it is it would seem you marriage isn't very strong in the first place which wouldn't be surprising since it sounds like you were married very young. It sounds as though you two have many more problems than just a poor sex life that need to be worked out.

sugarcrush · 2013-08-02T19:52:47+00:00

Can she explain her reasoning behind that? Doesn't like the taste, very sensitive gag reflex or gets lock jaw, never done it before so she's secretly afraid she will bad at it, anything? Almost any problems someone has with oral can be fixed. What happens if you straight up ask her for it?

hateCaptchas · 2013-08-03T01:18:28+00:00

Let me give you a little context in the form of a true conversation I witnessed between my father and my mother.

So, we're sitting in the family room one day. My dad gets up, goes to the closet, and brings back a blanket. He sits down and covers himself with the blanket. This disturbs my mother. She asks him why he has the blanket and he answers that he's cold. My mother then proceeds to tell him she's warm and, after checking the thermostat comes back and announces that n degrees is plenty warm enough for anyone. My dad states that he's cold. She gets all out of sorts and fusses and complains because he persists in feeling cold.

I'm sitting there thinking that it's the stupidest conversation between adults that I've seen in a long, long time.

Moral of the story. You're entitled to want what you want, feel what you feel, and desire what you desire.

The reverse is true for her. She gets to decide and continue to feel uncomfortable giving blow jobs. It is patently unfair for you to expect her to want to give them now that she's explicitly told you that she does not.

Now that we have that straight. The rest is negotiation. First you have to accept each other's terms. It sounds like she's at least somewhat willing to oblige. If you keep trying to argue with her and tell her how you feel or tell her you enjoy it less because she doesn't feel the way you want her to feel it is probably going to make the problem get worse.

If you want to encourage her, start by accepting that in spite of her not feeling comfortable, she's willing to give it a try. Lecturing her on how 99% of women have no problem with it is only going to demoralize her further. Praise her instead. The more positive outcomes she experiences from doing the behavior the more likely it is that, one day, she might come to enjoy them at least a little bit.

A word on encouragement. It helps if you get specific. "I liked when you <did whatever> that felt really good. " And, unless she hurts you (teeth) you want to focus on the good things. People when praised when doing good things tend to do those things more often and, as a convenient side effect, spend less time doing the less effective things.

HannahRoo · 2013-08-03T02:46:37+00:00

I remember my biggest fears being that I wouldn't be good at it, that it would be awkward, and that I would gag and it would taste bad... These are things I just had to get over...

My boyfriend helped by making the first time really light and playful. He gradually got me used to it by saying I had to kiss it to get anything from him, and he increased the act required each time. It became a fun game that I won by getting over my reservations and learning exactly how to please him.

Hope this helps!

HisWoman23 · 2013-08-02T19:07:02+00:00

Is she religious? I am Catholic and believe oral and mutual masturbation is only acceptable as foreplay. Without getting too detailed, we believe that sex must "end" in a way that is open to the possibility of conception.

I think I am in the minority in this group about that and the specifics of Catholic teaching on sexual morality within marriage can be a bit confusing to an outsider, but I'm just saying that her religious values (if she has them) could be a factor in her aversion to oral sex.

2013-08-02T22:15:53+00:00

the quote (or paraphrase) chris rock when discussing women how dont give head: "they still make those?"

FleetingWish · 2013-08-02T19:20:07+00:00

Well she should be willing to give you bjs. Since this is red pill women, I'll go ahead and be more blatant than I normally would. She should have your happiness as one of her primary concerns, even higher concern than her own happiness (since happiness for women is achieved through making men happy). She is not only being selfish, she must not have very much respect for you since she doesn't seem to care about your pleasure.

As for what to do about it, she doesn't need professional help, she needs you to be more heavy handed with her. Your kind of being a chump here. Not only did you marry her, before you knew if she would be willing to satisfy you sexually, now you're rewarding her for not learning to satisfy you sexually. The first thing I would do is stop giving her oral, she's not going to give, she's not going to get. Secondly, if she still won't, does she come hard when you play with her? She stops getting that privilege. Whatever magic you do to help her to come, stop doing it. You get off, but don't give her the same satisfaction. Be completely selfish. This will both turn her on, and frustrate her at the same time. Tell her she doesn't deserve to come because she doesn't care about your pleasure, so you stopped caring about hers. If she's not begging to blow you at this point, I would cross post this to redpill to get their opinions as well. (And she should be "begging", not just "willing to", after all you want enthusiasm, don't you? Don't let her cum until she serves you properly and willingly.)

Edit: it should be noted that not giving blow jobs is acceptable behavior iff your partner happens to not like them, which I've heard is true about a small subset of men.

un-coolmom · 2013-08-02T18:51:10+00:00

Not only is it normal, it's very important.

TempestTcup · 2013-08-03T17:26:34+00:00

It might be that she doesn't know how to go about giving blowjobs & therefore they are uncomfortable for her. Doing new things is sometimes scary.

TheReaver · 2013-08-21T22:59:53+00:00

every person has different things that they enjoy and expect. I know of both guys and girls who hate giving oral sex, there are also some i know who love giving it.

i would say that it is okay to ask for it, but you cannot expect it. i do get sex maybe 4 times a week and i count my self lucky that i get a blowjob at least once a week. even though i want it more i cant expect my wife to give me a blowjob more.

OnlyOneWayToImprove · 2013-08-03T00:45:21+00:00

You're not being unreasonable for thinking that oral is a normal part of sex, but if your sex partner isn't (yet) comfortable doing a certain sex act you've got to respect that.

My aunt has always told me that BJs are disgusting and she doesn't see why anyone would ever want to do them. Interestingly enough, she's totally cool with (and loves) anal. My mom has only in recent years told me that BJs can be awesome for both men and women. I'm in my 20s. These women are in their 50s. How old is your wife and how was she raised to think about sex (including oral)?

She was a virgin before you guys got married--could she still equate oral with being "dirty"? (Also: how does she explain why m-to-f oral is okay but f-to-m oral isn't?)

Talk with her about this, but be patient, calm, and in control--don't get riled up or raise your voice. The more calm you are, the more reasonable you'll seem. If you act angry, she'll just get pissy and dismiss the conversation.

If you feel comfortable with porn, look up a tutorial for BJs that focuses on intimacy. You may be able to show her through an example that BJs do not have to be "demeaning" or whatever negative associations she's got stuck in her head.

Food for thought: Is this a dealbreaker for you? Is she willing (and eager) to please you sexually in other ways?

2013-08-10T02:50:35+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Sex question for the ladies: Do you consider oral (female-on-male) an "expected" normal sex act?
Author	sniperhiding
Upvotes	11
Comments	69
Date	August 2, 2013 6:31 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1jkvbu/sex_question_for_the_ladies_do_you_consider_oral/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/sex-question-for-the-ladies-do-you-consider-oral.1167338 https://theredarchive.com/post/1167338

Comments