I have a friend, let’s call him Tommy, that is going through a bitter divorce from his ex-wife, let’s call her Lisa. At first, I was skeptical of her actually being a narcissist until seeing the texts she sends him and things their children have said over the last few months.

Some background that is important to note:

He was a very successful, a present/caring father who was a sponsored athlete. He was the main caregiver for the kids, ensuring they were fed, made it to all activities, etc. and brought in a large income with his own contracting company. Lisa was a part time hair dresser while also processing accounting for his small company and the family finances. A few years prior to 2020, Tommy was participating in his chosen sport and Lisa did not want him to do it anymore so she stated that he needed to quit or she would leave him so he complied. Early 2020, Lisa was upset that Tommy was working so many hours and told him that she wanted him to be home more so he obliged, but in order to do this he had to scale back his business causing a reduction in income for Tommy. Over time Lisa was more unhappy with the reduction of income than she was happy that Tommy was home more and started demeaning his ‘lack of financial contribution’ and saying he was a failure.

Following this was a year of marital turmoil and finally Tommy left after a large fight. This left Lisa in charge of the small family ranch and children, however Tommy would attempt to go daily to maintain both the animals and the children’s activities yet Lisa refused his help, which resulted in the animals becoming extremely malnourished, the kids missed all activities and caused more fighting. After a month Lisa decided Tommy could move home and she would take the kids so Tommy rented and furnished an apartment for her and their children. When Tommy was picking up the kids one day they begged to come live with him but Lisa refused until a few weeks later she called him up to come get the oldest but only if he would take the middle child, too, leaving her with their toddler. A couple of days later she called him to come get ‘his damned baby’ as well. A few weeks goes by and she calls a couple of days before Christmas wanting to come home threatening to kill herself if he doesn’t comply. Lisa moves back home and things seemed better until the abuse returned.

By the first of January 2021 the two had gotten into a fight where Lisa began physically attacking Tommy so he tried to leave but Lisa wouldn’t stop assaulting him so their oldest tried to get between them. Tommy pulled their oldest child from between them leaving a bruise on her arm from his grip. Tommy left and when he returned later that day she had him arrested for domestic violence, the proof being the bruise on his oldest’s arm. Tommy had two black eyes, a split lip, many scratches and multiple other bruises on his face, neck & upper torso (proof was in his mug shot when he was removed from the premises by law enforcement) while Lisa had no injuries at the time. Four days later she presents medical records from a NP of a head injury.

Some weeks later they go to marriage counseling and Tommy returns home again. Within a few weeks she refuses to continue marriage counseling saying the therapist was ‘taking his side.’ A couple of weeks after that they were going to eat as a family and Tommy is driving Lisa’s car when he changed the radio station and Lisa got mad demanding he change it back. When he didn’t, she punched him in the right side of his head, striking his ear. The children were witness to this. Needless to say, Tommy decided to file for divorce however Lisa filed first after reading Tommy’s emails, discovering an email confirmation of an appointment with an attorney. Lisa then took the children yet packed minimally. Within 2 weeks she and Tommy’s children are living in her boyfriends house.

Since mid 2021 Lisa has accused Tommy of: 1. Physical abuse 2. Mental abuse 3. Emotional abuse 4. Rape 5. Not paying child support 6. Child abuse 7. Refusing to allow her to get her & the children’s belongings

Since mid 2021 Lisa has: 1. Text Tommy that if he won’t have her that she will make certain that no other woman will ever want him 2. Refused to allow the children to see or speak to Tommy for 6months and telling them that Tommy did not want them 3. Claimed she was not receiving child support checks that were deposited to her account 4. Stated the children were in counseling when they were not 5. Blocked her own father and all of Tommy’s family including him from their oldest two children’s phones 6. Retaliated against the children for them telling Tommy & his attorney that they want to live with their dad 7. Coached the toddler to call her boyfriend ‘daddy’ 8. Made the two oldest wait outside a bar at night while she was inside 9. Refused to pay bills when funds were provided to her as spousal support to pay the bills with 10. Gathered her & the children’s belongings when ordered by a court to retrieve them yet putting them into a storage unit and telling the children that Tommy still would not allow her to get their things/that he sold them 11. Responded to Tommy on their oldest child’s phone pretending to be the oldest child then deleting the messages 12. Taking the children’s phones to prevent Tommy from contacting them 13. Funneled Tommy’s inheritance & his company’s income to her accounts before leaving

Now, Lisa has claimed that Tommy is sexually abusing their oldest child and taken said child to a state therapist who says that since the oldest is acting out and being disrespectful to Lisa that this is proof of sexual abuse when the child repeatedly denies the allegations.

Has anyone ever experienced a parent that went to these lengths to punish the other parent? Was the other parent (especially if a man) able to maintain any rights to his children? Was the other parent ever able to recover stolen funds?