My uncle and his friend are both divorced...

Standard-Broccoli107 · 2023-03-25T09:32:16+00:00

But I've felt that I've always been single and this has been the source of my misery.

No it isnt. I get that being single can make you feel like a failure, and feeling like a failure can make you miserable. But if you are in a relationship or not does not make you miserable.

You are probably sick of hearing this from people in relationships, but relationships arent that great. When things are going good its great to have a partner to come home to and do things with. However when things are going bad, you move to the guestroom, look forward to going to work and walk on eggshells the whole day then its not fun.

Relationships doesnt make you happier or sadder, they just amplify your emotions.

What do I do now?

Focus on building yourself a good life. If someone wants to join you in it then great, if they dont want to then its no problem.

BoomTheBear86 · 2023-03-25T11:47:33+00:00

There is no easy answer.

Relationships imply risk. There is no way to avoid that. So if you can’t accept the risk, you can’t accept the option, simple as.

Are you strong enough as an individual to weather that risk and come out the other side if it does happen? If so, by all means proceed.

If you’re not there yet, then don’t. Establish yourself first.

But finally; being in a relationship will not “fix” anything. If you base a large part of your perception of yourself on whether you’ve had a relationship or not, you are offloading your esteem into other people. This is one of the best ways to cultivate an unstable and low self perception, which ironically will work against you when seeking a partner.

Relationships are just one of those areas where there is no “magic formula” and there is nothing you can do as an individual to guarantee that you will find someone who absolutely has zero chance of leaving you down the line. You can make yourself the kind of person people probably won’t want to leave, but it never completely removes the risk. You need to assess that risk, but you cannot avoid it completely.

UnconventionalXY · 2023-03-25T13:15:28+00:00

I think most people have an encouraged, fixed expectation of what their life should be, based on tradition and habit and rarely question what it is that fundamentally constitutes a good life. Consequently when they can not achieve that template for whatever reason, there is frustration and despair as there is nothing else presented to take its place.

Society doesn't want to specifically offer alternative life narratives, so you have to pursue them yourself. Think of yourself as an explorer of the relatively undiscovered country.

Women aren't the be-all-end-all for a life for men: they were certainly convenient in being a single focused solution to most things men might want in life, however when nature has to drug men and women to stay together long enough for procreation to be successful, you have to wonder how compatible men and woman actually are in practice; and when women themselves become unreasonably selective and oppositional, you have the makings of a perfect storm.

I think misery comes from disappointment and frustration, so stop banging your head against a brick wall hoping for a different outcome and go find ways to achieve all the outcomes you want, separately if necessary.

Henry_Blair · 2023-03-25T16:09:01+00:00

Find love, get a girlfriend, this has nothing to do with marriage. Live your life.

Marriage is not an entirely lost cause because there are a lot of beautiful kind women in the world, the issue men have now is that the unkind type have now the power to really flip their life, and possibly there's some conversion of good women into nasty ones, shrinking the pool of good women. This only means that you require some experience before you consider marriage, to learn how to "train your gut feelings" to read women correctly and spot red flags. Without such gut feelings, it might be risky.

So do your thing, go in and out of beds, develop your system. Mine was the three fuck-ups. If a girl fucked up (for example not calling back, saying something too nasty), I'd give it a chance, but also start counting - on three fuck ups it was goodbye no matter what (and no explanation given. I had nothing to justify, three fuck ups meant a decision, the decision had been made). Also the rule "love should not hurt". If right on the first week or two I started feeling tormented, I left immediately, no matter what she said. This is why I never got friend-zoned. Also acquired quickly, after being cheated on at 19, the rule: avoid anyone with the slightest hint of emotional manipulation. This really kept me safe from the emotional roller-coaster type of woman, they are extremely tempting and getting you to commit suicide is considered a compliment for them, very important to train your gut to sound all the alarms on those before you think you know how to get married safely. After you get dumped a few times and dump a few times, and ride this bus, maybe after 30, you might have the instincts developed enough to consider marrying someone. No hurry - you're a guy. You are marriageable until 39 easily and then some. Edit: I've been married for 15 years, never divorced. I always asked myself about girls (if I found them beautiful and sexy) only one thing: Is she good?

mrkpxx · 2023-03-25T08:50:37+00:00

Before you want to get to know a stranger, you should first discover who you are. Do you know that?

chukostufr · 2023-03-25T12:42:09+00:00

If you’re 27 and never had a relationship then you’re probably gonna be single the rest of your life, sorry friend. Just know you’re at least not alone. Best course of action is to say “fuck it we ball” and move on

ReWildingOfMen · 2023-03-25T09:30:39+00:00

What you should do now?

Put women out of your mind COMPLETELY for now.

As a general rule, do NOT engage in meaningless and footloose sexual encounters. They dishonour and harm you and the other.

Focus on becoming a true man, which means becoming aware of the true state of the world, the evil they is here, dive into your own healing and remembering of who you truly are.

Come to remember the promsie given to the one who made you in His image, and devote your life to seeing that promise done.

To be a true man, you must be willing to kill, willing to die. In order to see this world be made right.

You must forge union between your heart AND you balls, between love and strength.

You must come to live and walk the unfolding path that means you live your fate and are carried towards your destiny.

You must become virtuous and honourable and true and uncompromising... A leader, a protector, a healer, a warrior.

You must become educated on the evil that infects this world. Studying up on parasitic-narcs, covert-narcissists, narcisisists... Is a perfect gateway to step more fully into your God given charge as SacredProtector.

The material game the modern words espouses... Is part of the trap. So sure do what you must to survive. But do not kid yourself that it is anything more than what it is.

And as you shine true, and you seek and speak truth no matter how terrible, and you do the right thing no matter the cost.

So you will draw HER to you, the woman made perfectly to fit you, who will be drawn to you like a moth to a flame.

She is your greatest reward for being true, no other woman or host of women could compare to the wonder that is the coming together of beloved souls in SacredUnion...

Look to rewild yourself and develop a grounded and holistic spirituality that moves through you, walk barefoot, climb trees and rocks, swim in natural bodies of water, meditate and fast in nature...

You will come to find the true gospel is written deep in your heart, bones and blood. Live from THAT place, in communion with above and below.

That's what I would do.

Session-Special · 2023-03-25T13:12:02+00:00

either a.) you are into relationships and that is your drive. or b.) they are not a part of you the person.

If you are a relationship person - take your time. be clear in your communication, if you have secured a ton of assets protect them. If you can not protect them? talk to a lawyer to insure the best course for you the person. Better a few dollars for professional advise vs losing it all. Would I stop dating - no. Would I jump into something quickly under (2 years) - No. At least enjoy some ones company. The more they feel comfortable - the more they let the guard down. Besides it would give you time to spot the red flags - just make sure you keep an open eye.

If you are not a relationship person - well this will be a phase and you will get out of it in about six months. Then your life will go on. you would still date - but you would not be serious about it.

Character_Pirate_618 · 2023-03-25T14:05:55+00:00

All relationships end in one of two ways; someone leaves or someone dies. You will always have your heart broken. That is the only possible final outcome in relationships. I'm sorry, but that's life.

You need to develop a healthy relationship with this harsh reality of life. Around 117 billion people have already come and gone and all had to deal with this same brutal truth.

You can do this. Put yourself first. Put your education first. Put your career first. Don't put women on a pedestal. Women are not your gods. Women have their own interests at heart.

Gynocentrism, courtly love, chivalry and male disposability are all intertwined. You must learn how and why this paradigm exists. You must see through your social conditioning and come out of it all independent and strong.

You can do this. You will do this.

Bojack35 · 2023-03-25T14:13:50+00:00

I went to a few fathers 4 justice meetings when I was a teenager, on account of my dad having gone to those groups while struggling with custody of myself (I later moved in with him and it was a bit of a 'win' to show to others there.)

I remember speaking with a guy there who had been through hell with his divorce, custody etc. I remember him fervently saying to me not to let the negative experiences of the men there put me off. How wonderful relationships could be and that feeling was worth the risk, a risk he would happily take again despite getting burned so badly.

Please keep that in mind, relationships can be wonderful. Yes they can go sour and that can hurt. But the potential for it to go wrong is not a reason not to pursue it with the right person.

You may well find someone, have a great year then it go wrong and end up hurt. But it might last, if not still 'tis better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.' Nothing worth having doesn't involve risk.

hendrixski · 2023-03-25T14:53:38+00:00

Sounds like you should look into surrogacy. That way you can have a family, you'll never be alone (until the kid moves out for college), and you never have to face the risk of divorce.

2023-03-25T16:09:22+00:00

A relationship isn’t going to cure unhappiness for you only finding meaning will. For that you need some kind of mission, work, faith, exercise, hobbies whatever. As for relationships they aren’t in a great spot right now but you should be looking for a girl that will contribute in every way (love,$$$, sex) and extremely minimal drama. Always remember your happiness and health comes first if a relationship ever makes you feel bad you must get out but the only way to guarantee that you will have the strength for that is to be comfortable going it alone.

Title	My uncle and his friend are both divorced...
Author	odysseythroughtime7
Upvotes	17
Comments	21
Date	March 25, 2023 8:19 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/121fbeg/my_uncle_and_his_friend_are_both_divorced/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/my-uncle-and-his-friend-are-both-divorced.1187958 https://theredarchive.com/post/1187958

Comments