I posted a few days ago about finally seeing the flaws in my 11 year relationship.

We met up today to discuss “us”, and I already decided this relationship is not healthy anymore for either of us anymore. I admit I was slightly tempted when he asked if we wanted to keep trying, but honestly that’s insanity when we’ve been having the same problems for the past year.

I brought up still not being engaged/married after 11 years, and he reiterated that guys only get married because the woman want to. We had discussed marriage in the past, and he made it clear he would only get married because I wanted to. He said good luck finding a guy that genuinely wants to get married.

I’m obviously very upset and can’t even drive since I’m crying so hard. I can’t say I regret my decision though, because I realized I deserve someone that wants to marry me because he sees how fucking amazing I am.

I depended way too much on him, and stopped being strong or independent in the process. He was my first ever relationship, and I never took the time to reflect on myself and my self worth. I almost wish I could go back in time and warn my younger self to put myself first.

I know there’s a difficult road ahead of me as I work on my flaws and push myself to grow. I’m thankful this past year has forced me to acknowledge how problematic the relationship was. I have to admit that I was not a perfect partner either, but my goal is to be happy by myself and level up.

If anyone else is having doubts about their relationship, remember that if he wanted to he would. I always thought “finding myself” or “understanding myself” was silly, but it’s actually the most important thing I can do for myself.

I’m grateful that I found this group because it is exactly what I needed.