Thoughts on having friends of the opposite sex while in a committed, monogamous relationship?

LettingHimLead · 2021-03-23T01:45:32+00:00

In group settings, fine. One on one time? No. Our take is to avoid the appearance of impropriety. And this is coming from two very not jealous people.

I was once on a business trip, and I needed to get some books from a co-worker. They were in his hotel room. I followed him to get them, and as he went to walk into his room, I began to follow. He stopped me and said he would bring them out. And it hit me then - how would it look for the two of us to walk out of his room together should another co-worker be in the hallway? So I began to shift my thinking on what was appropriate and what wasn’t. This was a happily married man who’d been married for many many years, so I thought he must know something about going the long haul.

Botoslinger · 2021-03-23T05:57:53+00:00

It's possible as a couple. My basic rule of thumb is if my wife doesn't want to entertain a close friendship with someone, male or female, I have no business pursuing that relationship. I trust my wife to make objective decisions about who we spend our time with, and have no problem cutting off a relationship with someone she doesn't think is necessary to our life. Obviously I don't just bend to her will at every moment. We have a frank discussion about exactly how she came to that decision. But at the end of the day my goal is to preserve my relationship with my wife, and nothing takes priority over that.

I'm careful about entertaining immature relationships because they can place undue stress on marriages. If it might become a problem, is it really worth it?

What have you lost turning down a female friend's offer to hang out with you alone? If your female friend invited you out to coffee or dinner alone what would you do? What do you have to gain from this interaction? Even if your intentions are not bad, is it worth the potential issues a situation like this could cause? Now ask yourself "what do I have to lose?"

I guarantee that you have a whole lot more to lose than you have to gain.

I see myself and my wife as a single unit. Anything you have to say to me can be said to my wife and vice versa. If you can't say it in front of my wife then you shouldn't say it at all.

SamathaStevens · 2021-03-23T08:38:56+00:00

My husband and I didn't have close friends of the opposite sex before marriage. After we were married we have always kept friendships on a couple level or we had individual friendships with the same sex. In our marriage having a personal relationship with a member of the opposite sex would not be ok with either of us.

throwawayisathing · 2021-03-23T11:11:03+00:00

I’ve always had mostly guy friends because I play video games. I’ve recently begun to get more girl friends, but my best friend is a guy. I talk to a lot of guys 1 on 1 all the time. My boyfriend knows this is just the way I am, and doesn’t ever complain. I think it depends on what friends you had when you began the relationship. I know redpill advocates for no opposite sex friendships, but that’s my social circle. It really depends on the context.

nessdawwwwg · 2021-03-23T12:51:31+00:00

Personally, I kept my few close male friendships that I had prior to entering a relationship with my now husband (we've been together ten years) but i do not seek out or cultivate new male friendships beyond aquaintances/group friends.

These friends are more like brothers, we went to school together and lived together. If we had been interested romantically, we had ample opportunity to date.

My husband is comfortable with that.

xosomeblonde · 2021-03-23T13:16:54+00:00

Generally... no. I don't think it's appropriate to have close opposite sex friendships while in a serious relationship.

It's not about not trusting yourself/your partner, it's about not putting yourself in the position for disrespect, disloyalty, or worse to happen. Even a false perception by others of an otherwise platonic friendship can be extremely damaging to a couple, and why would you ever put your partner in the position to feel embarrassed, worried, or disrespected? It's just not worth it.

Underground-anzac-99 · 2021-03-23T04:31:05+00:00

Depends on the friendship and culture of where you live. If you had a close lifelong male friend would you dump him for a boyfriend or only see him with your partner now there also?

golden_eyed_cat · 2021-03-24T05:29:04+00:00

I have a male acquaintance that I talk to about art through Instagram from time to time, but aside from that, most of my friends are female. In my opinion, it's possible to have friends of the opposite gender when you're in a relationship, however, it's best if you maintain some boundaries with them, such as:

limiting situations when you are alone with them
talking to them mostly in a group setting
if it's a "hobby" friend (someone you play video games with, or who you've met through a common interest), focusing more on the hobby than on talking about personal life
never badmouthing your partner in front of them (though I'd recommend avoiding this overall!)
not discussing NSFW topics with them
not doing anything you wouldn’t do with a sibbling with them (this is what I mostly stick to)

merabaid · 2021-03-23T02:39:52+00:00

I think this depends on what you mean by the word friend, how long you've known them and if they are a friend of just one of you or you together, as a couple.

Personally, I think acquaintances are fine, but friends really should be friends of both of you, unless there is a relationship you've had for a long time that precedes your relationship and that is a discussion to be had with your partner to make sure they're comfortable with it.

Title	Thoughts on having friends of the opposite sex while in a committed, monogamous relationship?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	10
Date	March 23, 2021 12:57 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/mb2pkr/thoughts_on_having_friends_of_the_opposite_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/thoughts-on-having-friends-of-the-opposite-sex.1189754 https://theredarchive.com/post/1189754

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