I'm 26F, my mom is 59 and my dad is 62. They've been married for 35 years. They both came to the US as refugees from the Soviet Union, and we're a pretty typical "came with nothing, now have a pretty nice life and career" immigrant story.

As a dad, he's been alright. When I was a child, he worked long hours as a taxi and limo driver to support the family, but he was around and we had fun together (I have some great pictures of me as a grade schooler pulling up to school in a big white limo, I felt like hot shit every time we did that). However, my mom has always been the primary breadwinner because she has a technical school degree and works in healthcare.

My dad has not worked a job himself in 10-15 years because he's disabled (my parents both are, but him more than my mom) and over the years his disability and health have worsened. However, he's helped my mom a lot with her job to the point where she can make a LOT more money with his help than she can alone. He tried to start an online business about 5 years ago, asked me for a lot of help with it, but the business never took off despite a lot of time and money sunk into it. He was hoping this business would be his ticket to a smooth retirement for both of us and I think he's been absolutely crushed that it didn't work out.

Fast forward to now. I moved out of my parent's apartment a year ago.

When I saw my parents for dinner yesterday, my mom seemed upset (but tried to hide it) and my parents spoke more to me than to each other. When my dad went back to watching TV after eating, I asked my mom what's wrong. She tried to avoid telling me, but eventually said that a mutual friend of theirs (known for ~40 years) called her and said that my dad asked him for money. A few thousand dollars. And asked that he not tell my mom that my dad asked.

My parents aren't rich, but they're stable and live in a rent-controlled apartment with no debts. When she confronted my dad about why he asked for the money, he refused to tell her. At first brushed it off, then "don't worry about it," then "I can't tell you" and "I won't tell you."

Then she let slip that he withdrew $6,000 from their savings last month. Rather, the accounts are in her name and he asked for 6k and she gave it to him. But now he's asking their friends for more money.

My dad's also been going to a neighboring state (1 hr drive) apparently every day, even weekends, for a few months. He won't tell anyone why. Shuts down and refuses to say.

My instinctual guesses: gambling, drugs, or a mistress. If its not these things, he's still refusing to say.

I love my mom, and I love my dad, but he is NOT a good husband to my mom. Even before this shadiness, he's very much the type to let my mom do all the housework (and work work) and he takes her for granted. Since I moved out and I'm no longer around as a buffer, they've been getting into more and more arguments with each other.

Any advice would be appreciated. What can I do to help my mom?