Some of this won’t matter to some of ya’ll. I’m big into documentaries and gaming, so sharing media consumption is big for me. But basically, I recently had a breakdown (I’m very embarrassed and ashamed currently) trying to figure out why I was into the “submissive” lifestyle of BDSM. A lot of it has to do with past trauma, lack of self-esteem, and the COMPLETE inability to vocalize boundaries, and keep to my own standards. I will seek therapy. But this is a long list of things I either require, or will no longer accept. I’m sorry it is so long, but I truly hope it helps someone out later down the road; Another woman who may go through what’s happening to me right now. This is a copy/paste from my personal journaling. I'll try to make it readable.

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Sex Things

  • I’m not property of any kind
  • I’m not a “good girl” for performing sexual acts
    • I’m a great woman for all the shit I bring to the table actually - and any dude should realize what he’s got
    • Dick is cheap
    • There is a reason men should have to work harder to get laid
      • I am always trading down when I choose to sleep with any man
      • I wish I’d realized this much earlier in life
  • I’m not a warm hole to be used
  • I will not be “of service” ever again
  • I will never accept being called a slut or a whore ever again
    • Or any derogatory term for that matter
  • I will never give out blowjobs like candy again
  • I will always receive foreplay
  • The man can take charge position-wise.. But see the above..
    • I'm not gonna be degraded ever again
    • And only after proper foreplay
    • NO LAZY SEX EVER AGAIN
      • If you’re feeling too lazy to properly warm me up.. Then you’re not up for sex tonight. The same goes for me..
  • I will never fake another orgasm
    • If I am not satisfied (consistently, I get that we don't always orgasm, men and women alike) I will let it be known
      • To hell with anyone’s fragile ego
      • What about me
  • I will not respond to questions that affect an entire relationship directly before of after sex
    • The male and female cognitive reactions before and after sex are COMPLETE opposites
    • This is not the time to have serious conversation (for me at least)

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Outside of the Bedroom, Just sitting around the house stuff

  • I will no longer play girlfriend so easily
    • Giving my emotional support, kindness, doing things around the house - without it being earned
    • Spending my money
      • How many men I’ve heard whine about fucking “gold diggers”... fuck that
      • But how quickly those who earn less will take my “gifts” or “charity”
  • I’m no mans maid
    • If I cook once, you cook the next time
    • If I get a drink, you get the next one
  • I will not tell a man how clean to keep his own home
    • But I will simply leave if it is a pigsty and below my standards
  • No man will tell me how to keep my home
    • He can leave if it doesn’t meet his standards
  • I will clean up after myself in someone else’s home
  • A man will clean up after himself in my home
    • I will no longer follow behind and pick up the “tornado” of dishes and mess he leaves behind
  • We will take turns consuming media
    • Man will no longer own the remote control and watch/listen to everything he wants to all of the time
      • If he’s not willing to take turns, I will simply leave. I won’t be hateful or shitty about it
  • “Separate but together”
    • If you wanna watch something I don’t, I might go upstairs and do my nails, watch another show, play a game.. I won’t hate on you for your choice
      • BUT…. I will not sit next to you and give you my time and attention pretending to care about something I do not because he wants me to
      • If you want this type of attention, plan a date that will keep us BOTH engaged