I wouldn't know how to treat an HVM

ceramicunicorn · 2022-02-16T07:04:19+00:00

This is actually a really good question. I have always followed the model of asking if the person wants comfort or solutions, and have never excluded deserving romantic partners from this choice or deemed them unworthy of it. It goes without saying that the comfort does have to transform to solutions eventually, but it’s ok to have that time to process.

I also maintain that I do not think there is a man on the planet that has 0 potential of having a freak out ever (barring a cloistered monk devoted to enlightenment), and I can tolerate this, so long as we are not talking about abuse/crossing boundaries, and that I find it to be reasonable to freak out (which would be a reflection of our shared values and worldview), so long as he isn’t atrophying in that headspace.

KetoKittenAround · 2022-02-16T07:21:14+00:00

Once you have real confidence in yourself you won’t be bothered by this question. You will treat them as they treat you.

With love and respect. With dignity.

You get yourself to where you need to be this will be only a passing thought.

Relationships and love isn’t always easy, but it mostly is.

You were innately born with the right to be treated with love, dignity, and respect. You just have to within yourself learn to accept that right. You already know how to give it.

PS I don’t mean YOU personally just once someone gets to that HVW level…

Yea I’m still working in it myself Lol

Platipus6 · 2022-02-16T07:08:25+00:00

A HVM would go out and get it done. He'd feel the ick if you started mothering him. He'd appreciate your presence and would want you to act like it was business as usual. They'd probably not even tell you until the solution was in progress because they don't want to worry you. (as opposed to an LVM hiding the problem because they're shady liars covering up their failures)

You won't even feel the need to do something around a HVM. They're trustworthy and reliable. Only LVM make you start pre-planning for shitty scenarios and their childish reactions.

Constant-Wanderer · 2022-02-16T17:27:18+00:00

I have one, and my answer would be “both, I would expect both.”

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if he lost his job, he wouldn’t let a day go by without beginning to fix it in whatever manner he could.

And I would verbally and emotionally be his cheerleader, because he’s awesome and does a great job at life.

Right now he’s managing a tremendous work load, with the health issues of his aging parent. He doesn’t complain, he takes care of everything, stays on top of his hobbies, cleaning the house, and his two kids. I tell him often how much I admire his life skills and aplomb, he says thank you, and that my admiration means a lot to him.

That’s healthy as fuck. I don’t have to motivate him to do shit, he just does it. I’m vocal about my feelings about it.

Vaahla · 2022-02-16T18:24:05+00:00

Bad things happen to anybody. So many good people got unexpectedly laid off in the last few years (me included!)

I would offer the same thing I expected. 1 day of comfort, and then I hit the pavement looking for a new job.

I’ve been through this on both sides and it was like night and day. Anybody would deserve a bit of sad time to digest the bad information and process some grief. But there’s a big difference between taking a break and wallowing in self pity.

sewingmachinesavior · 2022-02-16T12:22:16+00:00

A HVM would likely reach out to his network before he even got home so he could say: I was laid off today but I’ve got a couple friends who think they can get me on there in a couple weeks.

OR

He has an emergency fund to make a job loss nothing more than a blip on the radar.

sexualfoodpantry · 2022-02-16T13:11:16+00:00

Most people say "lets take care of each other" and it usually ends up being one-sided.

High value people, on the other hand, say:

I will take care of ME for YOU, while you take care of YOU for ME.

When high value people lose their jobs, they will have generally prepared for that eventuality with enough savings and investements, and will hit the ground running, so they won't have to ask for your financial support at all.

Emotional support is nice, but you won't have to ask him to find a job or at least clean the house while he's at home. He will have spent the day doing that already and will expect the same from you.

The only exception is when you are actually sick and unable to fend for yourself. Of course they will still expect you to take care of yourself to the best of your current ability, with all the means you have at your disposal, (like taking your medicine, doing the exercises, listening to the doc), until you literally can't. And, lets be honest, wouldn't you want the same from him?

If you get sick for preventable reasons, they'll still take care of you, but they'll write you off as a bad investment. You did not hold your end of the deal, which also includes preventive medicine.

At the end of the day, it's not about how you treat him, it's about how you treat yourself.

bullshitextinguisher · 2022-02-16T07:21:50+00:00

A HVM does not make excuses or wallow in self pity. No matter the economic situation, or his job loss - he will ALWAYS find a legal (!!) way to provide a roof over your head, heating, food on the table and gifts for your anniversaries. Absolutely no excuse. You won’t even have to hint at him, he will know entirely by himself what he needs to do. Because of this, you can trust him and feel safe - because you know no matter what, he will do his absolute best to secure comfort for himself and his loved ones.

spinsterchachkies · 2022-02-16T17:59:04+00:00

No matter what the scenario is you treat HVM the way you would want to be treated. You treat him like a King.

But if he’s not HV then fuck that guy, yeet him out of your life.

gingerwabisabi · 2022-02-16T19:05:40+00:00

Well, my husband has had more than one life threatening medical crisis. The first one required a surgery to fix which he did all the paperwork and leg work for, finding an almost miraculous situation with a doctor that specialized in just that. We were still in the beginning of our relationship so sometimes he would call me up on his way to the ER in an ambulance, apologizing that he wouldn't be able to make it to our date because he couldn't stand up. The only thing he would let me do is like bring homemade soup afterward. He also told me several times that due to the very high risk of death or disability after the surgery that I should consider breaking up with him. I felt like that would be very very stupid for me to do, so I didn't, phew!

Now that we are married he still makes and goes to all his own doctor and dentist appointments, but we rely on each other for emotional support more about all kinds of life things. He had an unrelated health crisis a few years ago and I did sort out the logistics for him because I wanted him to rest until we got to the ER, but I think I was more freaked out than he was, though I tried not to stress him out with my fears.

Both of us are actually very anxious people due to our childhoods, but it doesn't feel like I'm Sisyphus with the rock when I emotionally support him. We both make each other feel better by just being there, but he doesn't ever need me to jump in and start helping him with his resume or anything.

keep_my_stuff · 2022-02-16T16:54:23+00:00

problems with creditors

hopefully not any tinder swindler

Title	I wouldn't know how to treat an HVM
Author	space_cataz__
Upvotes	176
Comments	17
Date	February 16, 2022 6:39 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/stp77g/i_wouldnt_know_how_to_treat_an_hvm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-wouldnt-know-how-to-treat-an-hvm.1102020 https://theredarchive.com/post/1102020

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