2 years separated - still a shell.

DeletedLastAccount · 2020-09-22T14:16:16+00:00

Four years here. You are not alone.

I can't even gather the will to even try to date. As far as I'm concerned that part of my life is over.

I spent half my life with someone who shat all over me like I was nothing in the end. And she was the only one who I had ever been with.

I'm not risking that again.

InWeGoNow · 2020-09-22T12:04:04+00:00

Man, I'm in the same boat with you. I feel like I gave so much, too much, of myself to one person that there's nothing left for anyone else. I dive into work and into time with my daughter, but then that's it. Hoping someone in here has suggestions

jazzy3113 · 2020-09-22T13:33:13+00:00

Sometimes you never get over heartbreak.

This sounds like something you’d never even consider, but I’d suggest taking a long weekend, go to Vegas, gamble, get a massage and order an escort.

See if that gets the excitement level going.

SpillingerSA · 2020-09-22T14:24:09+00:00

It’s not time, grieving takes as long as it takes. You’re not doing anything wrong.

Once I learned to stop damming everything up and let myself cry and sob and rage at the unfairness and stupidity of my partner did I start to get to relax enough to sleep. Sleeping is important, just as exercise. Brain chemistry gets effed up during grief

sc1617 · 2020-09-22T11:56:52+00:00

I can relate, buddy. People think you should just move on and meet someone else "because you deserve better". But I think it's hard when you met someone, planned a life with them, and esp had a child with them. It's just not the same with someone else, even if things got bad. I will tell you it does get better overall as more time passes, but I still fimd that other people just make me realize I'm not with that person anymore, rather than make me forget them. So I tend to find other things to make me happy. Stay strong for your daughter. Good luck.

DeletedLastAccount · 2020-09-22T14:38:13+00:00

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Mescalito_1 · 2020-09-22T21:46:00+00:00

Pour your time into yourself. Filling the emptiness with another relationship is no recipe for success. Put every spare moment into building yourself, be the best apprentice the world has know, rekindle an old hobby, get in the best shape of your life, lift heavy things. All for you, nobody else. Don't think just start.

georeddit2018 · 2020-09-22T11:53:12+00:00

I understand how you feel. But your life must go on.

Curiouslywastingtime · 2020-09-22T16:05:50+00:00

What about finding new opportunities to socialize with others? It’s healthy to form relationships that don’t involve a love of attraction

2020-09-22T21:18:03+00:00

I wouldn't be able to function after a 14hr day.... I have been married for quite a while so I have no advice there but in terms of personal growth and happiness...perhaps a career that allows for a life after work? I hated what I was doing and made a huge change... Sucked but after 5 years now I'm back where I was and have time to do shit before I die.

SpillingerSA · 2020-09-23T15:01:35+00:00

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JoBeam439 · 2020-10-07T02:21:52+00:00

I’m in literally the exact same situation. Married for 21 years, two kids, I thought this was it for the rest of my life. We’ve been separated two years when she decided she needed some space and got an apartment. Since she moved out, the kids have lived with me exclusively for these two years. She comes over once a day to check in with them. Yesterday, she grinned and told me to my face, ‘I’ve been dating somebody for four months and I’ve never been happier.’ That shattered me. I don’t know if I will ever recover. Just the thought of another man with her, laughing and enjoying her company, while I’m home with our kids has made me feel like an emotional zombie. Two years has not been enough time. And I don’t know if 20 years will be enough time to get over feeling so shattered and destroyed by the one person I thought would always be there to support me. I think it’s one thing if somebody hurts you, but a completely other thing if that person is the woman you always thought would be there with you till the end. So just know you’re not alone. I’m making no progress after two years. If it helps to know, I hope it helps.

Title	2 years separated - still a shell.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	23
Comments	23
Date	September 22, 2020 11:47 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ixlsy9/2_years_separated_still_a_shell/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/2-years-separated-still-a-shell.1195058 https://theredarchive.com/post/1195058

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