My therapist responded to me, I'm not sure how to interpret his response about my opening up to him, so I'd like to share it here and get some input.

ruMenDugKenningthreW · 2023-05-03T05:36:44+00:00

At the risk of sounding condescending, you're really getting into your own head about this, hyperfocusing, and over-analyzing. Especially now that I've read the other thread, it's clear that all isn't helping you. Communicate this to your therapist and together better define what you want out of therapy. Even if he's trying to guide you toward something, that doesn't imply he's trying to slather his personal views onto you. It'd be very wise not to jump to conclusions and to roll with it. If you hit a speed bump, you can address it then, but try not to second guess your therapist, especially this early on. Seems like you're experiencing a lot targeted/specific and general social anxiety and a feeling of walking on eggshells around specific people too. It's pretty normal to feel a level of trepidation around new or otherwise unfamiliar people, but if this happens around people you already know and ramps up around new people, good chance you may also have a heightened sensitivity to rejection and other things that will take time to uncover. You also need to be open to the chances that your thoughts, feelings, and actions my contribute to the situations you're in. A part of my soul dies as I type this, but we can only control ourselves in any given situation, not those around us. I'd wager it'd be a good idea for you to work with your therapist to examine your automatic thoughts and attribution style. Discussing past experiences can help as well as role playing, and there's a chance the questions he handed you are aimed at giving him a better understanding of all that.

MelissaMiranti · 2023-05-03T17:06:29+00:00

The primary concern of a therapist is not the reactions of the people around you, but the mental state of you, their patient. He's trying to help you with your own thinking and stance to the problem you have before you. You can't manage the mental states of others very much, but you can help yourself, and he's trying to help you to help yourself.

If you really are that worried about where the conversation is going, tell him about the worries. Therapists also deal with metacognitive thinking all the time.

Metrodomes · 2023-05-03T12:15:20+00:00

You need to be honest and open and communicative about this stuff. If you have concerns about the angle in which he might approach things, raise that with him. If you're confident and happy in how you percieve things then you should be able to have that conversation and see where it goes and make a judgement. And if you don't, then hopefully the conversation is one that let's you explore that in a safe and confidential and respectful environment.

You want to address an issue, but attached that issue is so many other things. If every discussion around it is going to make you defensive and wary of why they're asking that, then either it's something that you need to discuss with them (and that's what they're there for, to talk) or you need to consider that you're not ready for this or you need a different therapist.

Sounds like to me that you have some beliefs that you don't want challenged or explored, so any help that might address other issues that end up vaguely comi g close to that belief, is suddenly going to be viewed suspiciously and end up not being that useful. Discuss your concerns with him. Worst that can happen is you don't like their response and you decide you don't want to see them anymore.

Oncefa2 · 2023-05-03T15:47:11+00:00

What he's focusing on is the fact that this bothers you.

And of course it bothers you. You're not defective or "wrong" for being bothered by it.

But you can't really change the fact that some people won't like you. You can try all you want, get in shape, wear nice clothes, and do everything right, and some people will still think you're creepy.

That's just how it is.

But if you want a girlfriend, hopefully that person wouldn't find you creepy.

Just like not everyone will like you, not everyone will hate you, either.

So maybe he's just trying to help you find someone. And figures you'll be less bothered by other people's potential attitudes towards you if you can develop relationships with people who like you.

If you have these other concerns, you should bring them up with him. Therapists are trained to build a relationship with you, and to be non judgemental. That doesn't always happen, but I don't see any red flags from what you've told us so far.

hotpotato138 · 2023-05-03T09:28:53+00:00

Maybe he means opening up to a woman would make you seem less creepy?

Sir_vendetta · 2023-05-05T05:16:36+00:00

You need to see a therapist more as a rope, that's the help, but you still have to climb the rope by yourself.

Title	My therapist responded to me, I'm not sure how to interpret his response about my opening up to him, so I'd like to share it here and get some input.
Author	MSHUser
Upvotes	29
Comments	20
Date	May 3, 2023 1:03 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/13662m8/my_therapist_responded_to_me_im_not_sure_how_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/my-therapist-responded-to-me-im-not-sure-how-to.1217616 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217616

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