Background: I am in my mid-40s. I have three children ages 9, 13, and 16. My wife and I have been married for 18 years. We are devoutly Mormon, but I have hated Mormonism for over a decade and want to get away from it all.

History: As a horny, young man who recently returned from my Mormon mission, I ended up marrying the first girlfriend I had after my mission within several months of meeting her. It became clear pretty early on that we weren't compatible in many ways. Like all marriages of that length, it has gone up and down in quality, but the good times have never been that good and the bad times are much more frequent.

I've debated divorce through most of our marriage. The arrival of children has steeled my will to stay in the marriage--especially because my wife is emotionally manipulative and constantly angry with my children. I feel that I need to be there to avoid more terrible things from happening. Years of being a submissive peacemaker have taken a toll on my own mental health.

I decided long ago that I would divorce my wife once my youngest is off to college, which is another 9 years or so. My animosity against the church has caused my wife to double-down on her commitment and shaming all of us who don't follow the Mormon rules with perfection. For now, I will be physically present at church and keep the peace, but living all these lies is awful. Maybe I am over-thinking what the fallout will be and should just rip off the bandaid.

For those that are in this same spot or have taken steps to leave their marriage, what do you look back and wish you'd done differently? Some days I feel like I should have ended this long ago and other times I am committed to doing what's best for my children, no matter how painful it is for me. If I leave I will be shunned by all my family and I really don't have any friends at this point in my life.