*nor is that WHY you don’t orgasm during sex.

If you bring up slut shaming, feminists often argue that there's an orgasm gap because society apparently stigmatizes women for enjoying sex or having orgasms and that men are sexually selfish and refuse to make women orgasm.

First, I got to say, we live in a sex-crazed society where sex is explicitly shoved down our throats everywhere we go. How the hell do feminists think that society is denouncing women for enjoying sex whatsoever? They unironically believe men don't make women orgasm because they believe only they men can enjoy sex, and they "evidence" this with the fact that men receive oral more than women.

Here's a problem: I wrote a thread here about how it's a myth that society restricted women's sexuality completely and allowed men to be hypersexual beings who have sex with tons of women. It's a myth that everyone has a double standard favoring promiscuous men. Women aren't stigmatized for having premarital sex anymore, and in fact, virgin women are now usually seen as a prude, not pure, and many men won't date virgin women, with some evidence showing they're maybe more likely than women to call it a dealbreaker. Men were not found to value virginity in a woman nor did they mind how many partners she had as long as it wasn't something extremely high (women in fact were just as likely to call promiscuity a dealbreaker, and women normally stigmatized promiscuous men, with some holding a reverse double standard). Historically, women were expected to wait until marriage, but this was to prevent the births of children who have no provider, and men back then would not provide for a child who wasn't theirs, and once she was married, she could have sex all she wanted, as long as it was with her husband. Men could only have sex with hookers, but not any unmarried non-hooker. Hookers' babies were disposables back then. In fact, historically, if a woman enjoyed sex with her husband, she was seen as normal, and women who didn't enjoy sex were called frigid, which was considered a pathology in women. Society expected men and women to have non-reproductive sex and viewed enjoying sex as normative, as long as it was within marriage. More information on that thread. Nor is there a taboo against masturbation anymore. Back when there was, it was against boys as often as it was against girls, and now the taboo declined. Women might not admit to masturbating as much because they're taught this myth that there's a stigma against women masturbating even though fingering and masturbation is seen as normal by most people now. Back in the old days, nobody admitted to it, not even men.

In fact, another thread of mine is about the myth that men are more sexually satisfied than women due to the orgasm gap. Men were actually less sexually satisfied than women, and some men even eventually said their girlfriends stopped giving blowjobs (we can't just assume all those women did that as "payback" for not giving oral to them). Feminists bring up that lesbians orgasm with their partners, but it probably has to do with lesbians emphasizing outercourse more because many people think women orgasm through intercourse (which isn't due to patriarchy but due to ignorance about sex) and lesbians being more familiar with women's bodies. Nonetheless, lesbians did not differ from straight men, straight women or gay men in their communication in sex, so it wasn't because lesbians were better communicators, just only when it comes to orgasms. Lesbians, however, were not more sexually satisfied than straight women, and this is because lesbians rely less on orgasm frequency than straight women when they measure their sexual satisfaction.

In fact, usually, men actually might be ignorant about sex. Some might think women orgasm through intercourse, and they won't give them oral for that reason, but they might demand blowjobs because not only are they themselves and thus sense their own desire for a blowjob, but they are unable to know that women would want oral when they think women prefer intercourse for orgasms. In fact, most men who were bad at sex were found to overestimate how often they make their partner orgasm, and even many men who give oral think they're making her orgasm when many don't. It's simply because men think sex is about technique, not communication. This is clitoral knowledge might not make a man better at sex, not the idea that women aren't allowed to enjoy sex.

It could be women are less sexually assertive, but that's because sex is a very intimate part of who you are, and so women might not feel comfy communicating, and men might still be sexually assertive because men are taught they're unmanly if they don't act sexually assertive because men are the initiators. This could be what leads to women thinking that the man is supposed to enjoy sex more than her. Nobody's telling her that, she just thinks it when men are socialized to initiate everything and thus he acts more sexually assertive to appear manly and she doesn't face that pressure. The fact that these traditional gender roles can't exist in same-sex situations might also explain why lesbians might value their own orgasms during sex more or masturbate more. It's not because men told women they don't get to enjoy sex. For example, the reason men sexually desire their partner more than women in a relationship was actually found to be due to testosterone level differences between men and women, not men being bad at sex.

In fact, some evidence shows women are more likely to be selfish at sex than men, and many women expect a man to make her orgasm and last long enough, often to the point where men who make women orgasm more orgasm less than men who don't make women orgasm as much. Not only that, but although a study found people think men deserve orgasms more than women, its methodology was flawed because their questions suggest that men deserve orgasms more because they think men are hypersexual beasts with a constantly dissatisfied sexual appetite. This is why we portray men as womanizers, aromantic and always using women for sex or deny that many rapists are women against men. It's not due to society thinking women cannot orgasm during sex. They probably think it's best for both people to orgasm, but if they think if only one person can orgasm, it's men, it's due to our sexist stereotypes of men's sexuality rather than forbidding women from orgasms.

But overall, if men were bad at making women orgasm because they didn't want women to enjoy sex, this implies men know they're bad at sex, when most don't know that, and most men want to make her orgasm.

TLDR: See the threads I linked for more information, but feminists sure exaggerate the orgasm gap problem. In reality, not only did communication levels during sex remain similar for both men and women regardless of sexual orientation, but even historically, women orgasmed, and most normally did.

Men appear to be bad at sex because they think sex is about technique, and because they're unfamiliar with women's sexual physiology, and women might be sexually unassertive because sex is an extremely private thing for them and they believe men are perpetually sexually hungry beasts who will be overly sexually assertive about their sexual needs, not patriarchy. This is proven by the fact that very young men might be less good with communication because they haven't figured out yet how sex works, but it takes time for women to get comfortable talking about such an intimate matter, and as time goes by, she gets older. This might be why older women might be more likely to be sexually assertive. This explains why cougars viewed young men as more teachable and thus would make them orgasm more (I know it sounds creepy to people, but it's true). It's not like older people are less sexually restricted, and they grew up in more sexually conservative era. It's not like men are now more accepting of women enjoying sex once he's older.

Either way, some young people can be good at sex and some older people good be bad at sex.