In a crisis while traveling internationally. Could use some opinions from mu support group

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2023-05-29T09:13:25+00:00

You got married again???

Appears to not be an American woman, but still seems to come with the same type of issues… well, anyways.

How old are your kids? If they are younger do you not have a set time for them to call their mom? If they are older you should teach them that just because they CAN call about every little thing maybe they should “think twice” before doing so.

Always being on the phone is rude. Also it may interrupt the person you are calling if you are doing it a lot. And it definitely is rude to your hosts if you are on the phone all the time in front of them. Or even leaving to go elsewhere to make phone calls. They are in MX to spend the time there getting to know your new wife’s family and being present for the experiences. By constantly calling mom (or even being on their phones in general) they are likely to be missing out and it is rude.

You mention following the decree. Does the decree state the kids can call their mom whenever they want, without consideration to what is going on? What exactly, word for word, does the decree say?

I assume they have their own phones? Do you have international calling plans on their phones? If that was not discussed with them previously, maybe it could be. Maybe you hadn’t realized how expensive it was to have an international calling plan on each of their phones. Or maybe this plan is limited in some way. A certain number of minutes before the cost per minute increases exponentially. Which all might be reason to ask the kids to limit their calls to once a day for some reasonable time. And then, this would just be a kind request from Dad. Since the more money we have to spend on international calling the less money we have for fun stuff.

Of course all of this should be true or very close to true. As I am sure this information could be checked easily enough by anyone.

If you are legally not allowed to say Boo to them about anything with their phones and them calling their mom, maybe suggest/tell them they need to go to their rooms to call their mom due to the reasons I shared above (it’s rude to your hosts). And they should do it quietly and please not take so long or please don’t do it so frequently as spending time with family is very important in MX culture. And you would like to be respectful of others’ culture and family.

Also if they are old enough and mature enough, I am not sure but possibly sharing some of what you shared here might help. Of course changing/softening a lot of the words. That it is stressing some people out because they think they may be “ratted on”. Or possibly, “Hey kids, imagine if you invited your best friend on an expensive trip to some exotic place and they just keep wanting to call one of their other good friends (a friend that your kid isn’t crazy about) to tell them everything, both good and bad, that went on with you and them for the last 30 minutes. After they did that many times over several days do you (kid’s) think that would start to bother you? Or might cause you to feel some kind of way?” Then relate that to them calling mom. Not exactly the same but very similar.

I see this issue just as much managing a kid issue then just your new wife issue. Because the Ex is always going to be there and the kids may always want to call their mom. Which is why I think it is important to have already set expectations with the kids.

Regarding your new wife. I would apologize (probably) for this causing her stress. But the kids may always want to call their mom. But since the decree says X, you can’t say anything to stop them. But maybe it just stresses her out while she is with her family in MX? If that was the case I would suggest if you do end up leaving you would be taking the kids to a nearby nice hotel w a pool and or beach. But doing that could definitely set a bad precedence w both your kids and the new wife.

It would have been nice if you had forgotten to enable international calling on their phones.

Either way, that is a tough spot. Best wishes as you sort it out. And then think in the future how to not get yourself in future similar predicaments.

AirSailer · 2023-05-29T12:29:55+00:00

Your wife is testing you. She wants to see if you will side with her and cut the vacation short. There's a good chance your ex is doing this to make your current wife uncomfortable. Men destroy with physical violence, women use social violence (i.e. manipulation); it sounds like you are stuck in the middle of their conflict.

You need to be the leader, don't let her emotions control the decision making process. If you don't lead, if you tuck rail and run, then she (your wife) will lose respect for you.

As for the children calling their mother, if they aren't in danger then they don't need to be calling her constantly and updating your ex. It's not unreasonable to explain to your children that they are welcome to tell their mother about their vacation AFTER the vacation. It's not unreasonable to me that the phones stay off unless they are taking pictures. Again, lead your family, now's your chance to shine as a father and husband, so ask for their input on problems then YOU come up with a solution and implement that solution.

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-05-29T11:35:17+00:00

It doesn't sound like your ex-wife is causing any problems here, right? I mean, you start out by saying she's highly manipulative and crazy, but then it appears that has nothing to do with the story. Have I got that right? I only ask because I've seen it before where the mom left behind will insist on phone calls and figure out a way to spoil all the fun people are having at a distance.

Of course, I don't know your family dynamics and situation. But, if it were me and it's only a few more days, I would 1) give your wife a break by herself; send her off to a spa or something. and 2) when she comes back, have the kids call their mom less and when she's not around. It's only a few days.

As a last resort, tell your wife she's free to leave early. There's no point in you and the kids going home early. That way, you're kinda setting a boundary.

Adventurous_Tie_4464 · 2023-05-29T14:47:45+00:00

Your on vacation and it sounds like some stress has built up. See if you can have a rational conversation with your current wife. Unless I missing something this sounds blown out of proportion or a symptom of a larger issue. Your kids should be able to have reasonable contact with your ex while out of the country and if it is excessive then u can set a boundary. You don’t really need to talk about or with your ex unless it is brief conversations on if their ok. Sending you and your kids back home from your vacation sounds over the top unless there is more to the story

playerknowmore · 2023-05-29T19:53:01+00:00

Some guy at the resort showed interest in her. Leaving early is basically giving her a girl's vacation; without the girlfriend's to someday tell on her.

juliaskig · 2023-05-30T00:25:09+00:00

You are trying to be alpha with the wrong person. Instead of alpha vs beta, be a parent to YOUR kids. You don't have to travel a day early, but you can take your two kids to another hotel for a day or two.

Unless you want another divorce, you need to get your parenting under control, and don't blame your "toxic" ex. While YOUR kids are in YOUR custody, they are YOUR responsibility. Stop being a victim, and start being a leader. How do you expect your kids to behave. Let them know, and let know strictly. Take away their phones, or shut them off. Cancel their phone service. They can call their mother on your phone. Get to a parenting class.

Classic_Dill · 2023-05-29T12:25:51+00:00

The woman you’re currently with, should probably not be in a relationship with a man who already has established children. Some people just can’t handle this or even figure out the detailed complexities of being an oven split family. As much as you love her, and as much as a saint that you say that she is? I would do as she asks, take the kids back home go home yourself to America and then either clean out your stuff if you live together? Or just prepare to tell her when she comes back that you’re not going to be with her anymore, or stay with her and you’re gonna have to deal with this every time your kids have any inconvenience that inconvenience her, she knew what she got into and now she’s dismissing you and your kids back to America, I’m sorry, my friend, I would be gone in the wind!

GirlGazing · 2023-05-29T13:00:00+00:00

Surly limiting these calls is the answer? To once a day? Because if, as you say, they KEEP calling, that’ll be the biggest stressor. Also, how old are they? Kids often use technology the minute they’re bored & they may just be calling mum for something to do. It all sounds pretty unnecessary. If you want to be “alpha” set boundaries.

Title	In a crisis while traveling internationally. Could use some opinions from mu support group
Author	N7DJN8939SWK3
Upvotes	11
Comments	24
Date	May 29, 2023 5:03 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/13ulfdw/in_a_crisis_while_traveling_internationally_could/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/in-a-crisis-while-traveling-internationally-could.1220632 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220632

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