How to remain my purity after losing my virginity to the wrong man?

CountTheBees · 2023-06-10T09:15:49+00:00

I don't mean to be glib - but - what about not dating men that despise you for not being a virgin?

What culture are you from - do men regularly hate unmarried non-virgins in your culture? Or are you from a culture where pre-marital sex is normalised, and are simply afraid after reading redpill content?

No-Statistician1782 · 2023-06-10T11:50:52+00:00

This question breaks my heart.

I've had many a partners, my fiance has had many a partners. We both don't care and have zero jealousy, insecurities or issues with this. He's even said he (and his group of friends) would never even consider dating a virgin because it's just too weird. I'm sharing this to show there are two opposites sides of this preference spectrum.

My main point, is that your value as a person doesn't depend on your body count. You are still a beautiful woman. You're not broken or damaged goods and anyone who says otherwise IS damaged. Everyone is allowed their preferences, but most men wouldn't care at all about you having sex before with a person and ANYONE who tries to belittle you about it is not meant to be in your circle.

People make mistakes and if you had sex with the wrong guy, just take that as a learning lesson. I don't want to assume any context as to why it was the wrong person, just self reflect and try to see what you can learn from that experience and what you can do to attract the right person. 🖤hang in there!

Mean_Pea1497 · 2023-06-10T10:32:10+00:00

I don’t understand this question in a red pill women community.

xcheshirecatxx · 2023-06-10T13:16:57+00:00

Virginity doesn't exist, it's just the state of not having sex yet

That's like not having pizza ever yet

brushshstrokes · 2023-06-10T17:00:13+00:00

The men who only want virgins won't even date non-virgins. At worst you'll be rejected on a date.

LargeResolution3928 · 2023-06-10T19:06:09+00:00

technically, you can’t. this is one thing i can’t stand about a lot of girls in this sub. either stick to your ideals, or don’t. i personally don’t subscribe to purity culture, but if you do, then that’s that. There aren’t “levels” of purity. Your “purity” in the context you speak of is gone.

LTStormchasen · 2023-06-10T10:10:05+00:00

You could feel awful because he wasn’t the best you feel you can get.

I’m assuming your definition of “wrong person” means there was no love felt or this person was not your ideal choice for a husband or forever mate. Look up evolutionary biology and Hypergamy — the action of marrying or forming a sexual relationship with a person of a superior sociological or educational background.

IMO, the answer you seek is different and subjective depending on personal beliefs and preferences, family values, and laws and culture.

A Western high value man could ask you about your body count (how many people you have had sex with) and not think poorly of you (or question your ability to pair bond) as long as the number of lovers is less than….[insert whatever his preconceived preference and personal tolerance number] that varies for each man. (For example 6)

But in that same scenario, a more pious man in a predominantly religious culture may only seek out a virgin. (Body count = zero)

Personally, I would still consider you pure. For me, if you told me that you only had one lover, the only thing I’d be concerned about is did you practice safe sex: —-did you get tested for an std? —-are you pregnant?

Yes, high value men want loyalty, peace, beauty, and faithfulness (a guarantee any offspring is theirs.)

Most have the mindset that your status and sexual market value will decrease over time as you age and your ability to pair bond and remain faithful or sustain the relationship decreases with each additional lover.

Just be honest with your next Mr. Right about your history. If he doesn’t accept you then find someone else who deserves what you offer.

Highonuppers · 2023-06-10T16:16:01+00:00

Oh god, shut up

boybetokin · 2023-06-10T13:41:29+00:00

To a real alpha/sigma you will never be pure to them cause the way they think

AutoModerator · 2023-06-10T09:07:02+00:00

Title: How to remain my purity after losing my virginity to the wrong man?

Full text: I feel awful about myself for losing my virginity with the wrong person. How can I remain pure and hope that my future partner doesn't despise me because I'm not a virgin?

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youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-06-10T23:33:28+00:00

I don't advise lying if asked directly, because it would tear away at you internally for the rest of your hopefully lifelong relationship that your life is now founded on false pretenses. However. If a man cares about that kind of thing, it's his responsibility to determine if he would prefer to know or not and then to ask if he does want to know. You don't have to go baring your mistakes unprompted. There's probably things you can imagine that if a guy had completely left behind, you too would prefer to simply not know about. For both men and women, there's a difference between "vetting criteria traits I must see actively displayed now" and "vetting criteria traits that I must see actively displayed now and must have always been present."

Steps to take:

Don't sabotage yourself with guilt. You're going to feel the compulsion that you have to "confess" to other men you date. But your dates are not your confessor - that's something to sort out yourself. You need your own forgiveness.
Identify what boundaries you want - and then identify how to protect those boundaries. A lot of people make the mistake of saying, "I won't do X, but I won't stop short until I'm right at that line." This increases the chances of you eventually becoming comfortable with behavior you know you will regret. For example, a younger woman I know recently told me she wanted to save ALL sexual activity until marriage. I advised her to stick to public dates, not stay in a house alone together, and not enter each other's rooms. Clearly such lines are well in excess of her actual boundaries. But if she stuck to those lines, there was no way she would end up with regret.
If alcohol, weed, or similar was involved, completely cut out substances known to impact decision-making ability. You don't want weed friends, and you can go with Shirley Temples when you're out social drinking.
If your friend circles are currently more promiscuous than you want to be, make a huge, concerted efforted to find other friends. You don't want to be "the conservative one" in your friend group. Firstly, you naturally turn into the people you hang around. Secondly, besides that natural inclination, there's immense social pressure in female circles to actively coalesce toward a middle-ground of behavior. Thirdly, others (including men) will assume you have the values of your friend group and proceed accordingly.
Don't date men you know want quick sex. There is no "he will be different for me" or "I can change him" or "I'm not like the other girls he pumped and dumped." You've used some language that would suggest you're religious, specifically Christian, and the following is with that assumption in mind: Find a church where the singles are chaste. Pull dates from there. In particular, widen the age range of men you're willing to date so that you catch new converts. Men who are virgins themselves are way more likely to insist on virginity in a date, but non-virgin convert men are less likely to care while still showing a willingness to engage in chaste dating by choosing a chaste church.

CranberrySoftServe · 2023-06-11T04:09:06+00:00

This is harsh but the actual truth is, you aren’t “pure” anymore according to the standards of those who want actual virginity, and you never will be again.

The only way to be comfortable with that is to acknowledge and work within it.

Acrobatic-Stuff · 2023-06-10T09:59:37+00:00

Don't worry 1 man as a body count is even perfect. Yes, some men prefer a virgin woman (me myself), it's more beautiful. Ideally a man loves a woman and the woman loves the man and it is as new as possible for both of them. But definetly I can see how having experience in sex takes off the negatives connotation that almost in a instinctual level men see in women who have 0 experience in sex (what's wrong with her? No man wants her?). Sorry if I'm being too raw, I'm just being honest. I am personally one of those men who think virginity is beautiful and even I wouldn't care for a body count of 1. But as one of those guys, the difference between 1 2 and 3 means a lot. 1 is fine. We all get another chance. I find 2 more off-putting. And 3 is something I don't get close to. But that's just me because I'm a very pure guy myself

DyingFlames · 2023-06-10T13:29:02+00:00

Just lie and say that you never had sex before the next time

Title	How to remain my purity after losing my virginity to the wrong man?
Author	Upstairs-Dragonfly5
Upvotes	0
Comments	31
Date	June 10, 2023 9:07 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/145vata/how_to_remain_my_purity_after_losing_my_virginity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-remain-my-purity-after-losing-my-virginity.1221775 https://theredarchive.com/post/1221775

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