Another one

Reflog1791 · 2023-06-29T19:03:17+00:00

Hey buddy sorry you’re going through this. I remember the confusion and uncertainty right at the beginning was the most brutal stage.

I’ll tell you this too shall pass. Try to focus on the big picture 5 years from now. The nightmare of irresponsible cheating wife and mother actually made my life better in every single way, beyond my wildest dreams.

There is tons of hope and opportunity for you. Lots of good advice to be found here. My advice is play the long game by “grey rocking” your wife. Don’t talk about the cheating or anything else. Focus only on what you can control (yourself). Get your post divorce life setup on the DL to get yourself the softest landing possible.

It’s gonna suck for a few years then it’s going to be awesome.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-06-30T01:35:02+00:00

Not my words but they helped me find peace when I discovered my wife’s affair:

There is a huge correlation between infidelity and highly narcissistic personality traits. After all, infidelity represents a shocking level of selfishness and lack of empathy for the other partner.

Narcissistic people tend to follow very similar scripts, which is why you can also see tremendous amount of shared experiences when it comes to the cheaters in this sub.

At the end of the day, most of these people need extreme levels of external validation/energy supply/attention. Which no "normal" human being can provide. They make other people responsible for their happiness, so they will commonly jump onto the next source of supply whenever they can, regardless of the consequences on others.

Even if that means a supposed "down grade" in other parts of their life. We are not seeing through their lens, ergo we don't realize their scale of value is skewed towards obtaining attention/energy/validation... rather than what we may consider more "normal" in terms of values.

Having a good house, a stable life, a great family, etc. None of those things are of consideration to them if they are not providing the supply of energy/attention they crave.

broken_msst · 2023-06-29T19:17:37+00:00

I'm trying to think a few years ahead, but right now is really tough, and it's really hard to make her believe everything is fine at the moment... Thanks for the advice, I intend to follow it up...

Professional-Peak935 · 2023-06-29T18:33:27+00:00

I'm so sorry you're hurting. Have you considered marital counselling? I know it doesn't work for everyone, but a third party will help her understand your needs and these fears of the cheating.

WartimeDad · 2023-06-29T19:53:59+00:00

That’s really hard. You need to record every conversation. Hire an attorney. Many of us have seen how this goes from bad to worse.

Keep this in the forefront of your mind: once you get free of this awful person, you will thrive. Do not worry about trash men being around your kids. That’s truly not worth your time right now. It’s not real. Things are going to get better eventually. If there is one thing that you can count on in this life, it’s that things change over time.

Do some work now to keep things from going worse. File first. Record convos. But other than that, try to find moments of joy in the present moment. Exercise hard. Heavy weights. This is almost unbelievably helpful in times like these.

Good luck!

Due-Ad4708 · 2023-06-30T16:50:30+00:00

Don't worry about the stepfather. A charter is always a charter, and no man can stay long-term with them. She doesn't know that she has just wasted her dream of a good partner forever. From now on, only assh**ls are gonna be with her. And you're girls sooner or later are gonna know the truth, and your wife is gonna have to face the music.

Title	Another one
Author	broken_msst
Upvotes	3
Comments	19
Date	June 29, 2023 6:31 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/14mckoe/another_one/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/another-one.1223821 https://theredarchive.com/post/1223821

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