"You have to love yourself first before you can love someone else" is gaslighting.

Diligent_Divide_4978 · 2023-07-17T22:24:05+00:00

How to love yourself:

Fully accept that the situation that you are in may not be your fault.

Your dating life is largely determined by a combination of neurotypicality, face, race, and height. And these factors are way more important for men than women.

This is backed by studies.

So sit back and relax.

Go to the gym because it is good for your body.

Don't surgerymaxx unless you really want to because there are risks of complications that vary in severity.

These points are also backed by studies.

You did nothing wrong.

SsRapier · 2023-07-17T22:45:56+00:00

Of course we know what it should mean but you guys use it as a means to shut up lonely men

Relative_Editor_2179 · 2023-07-18T04:10:40+00:00

You have to love yourself before anyone can love you…except for females and Chads, they don’t have to love themselves

mewbestpokeman · 2023-07-18T17:57:19+00:00

I love myself already. I'm OK with the height looks and race I have, but w*men hate me because of those.

MeaningWaste1513 · 2023-07-17T20:42:59+00:00

I always interpreted it as “you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of somebody else”

ItoshiSae10 · 2023-07-17T20:57:59+00:00

Teenagers are in relationships. Not to say you shouldnt love yourself, but clearly its not stopping them from getting into ones.

FortniteAbobus · 2023-07-18T09:26:55+00:00

You are worthy of love

Whose love? Equal to "You have price". Yeah, $0.(0)1.

senescent- · 2023-07-17T21:39:31+00:00

This is about confidence. People that don't like themselves don't have confidence that others will like them. If you don't have that, you come off as needy and desperate.

blebbyroo · 2023-07-17T21:06:34+00:00

It may not be needed to love someone else but it is most likely needed for someone else to love you and in the article it says it’s needed to be happy and have a more intimate relationship

And that makes sense because you won’t have a healthy relationship if you don’t love yourself. Those feelings of self hate or insecurity may eventually come out as lack of trust and even sabotage- I know people who endured childhood abuse who’ve done this unfortunately

ace52387 · 2023-07-17T22:42:55+00:00

im a man, but i still believe this is true. not in the way the psychologist is talking about, exactly.

just because it hasnt been studied doesnt mean its bad advice. girls who are desperate arent attractive. neither are guys. girls who seem like theyre jumping from relationship to relationship with no time between are a red flag. im guessing its the same with guys. its not that you CANT love someone if you dont love yourself, youre just not likely to find love. even if you find someone, not being able to stay single isnt a good headspace and may lead to failing to find the right person.

the psychologist even goes on to say you wont find happiness if you dont love yourself. happiness is extremely attractive.

i dont think feeling lonely isnt loving yourself though, and i really dont think that saying is meant to convey ‘never feel lonely.’

KayRay1994 · 2023-07-17T21:54:11+00:00

here is thing - you don’t “need” to, theoretically - that being said, it is the healthiest route possible. It is also true that you will never love yourself enough to make up for a lack of a partner, but some self love is still possible and necessary none the less.

You also clearly don’t know what gaslighting is and are purposely misinterpreting advice. Nobody said “love yourself then you’ll find a partner” - at least, it was never meant literally. The statement means love yourself, because

1) getting a partner isn’t always a guarantee for everyone - but there is a level of happiness to be had from one’s self, friends, etc + you’ll at least be happier alone

2) by loving yourself you’re ensuring that if/when you do get a relationship, it will actually be a healthy one and you won’t be fully dependent on your partner.

BufferG108 · 2023-07-18T21:50:24+00:00

The statement is true to an extent, however. I won't go out of my way to hate anyone who hates themselves, for example, but self-love is necessary, relationship or not. It's folly to think you'll overcome self-hate in one day, but at the end of the day, it's you who must put up the main efforts, even Narayana will have a hard time showing you otherwise.

SilentFroggy · 2023-07-22T02:43:37+00:00

People who are blessed with looks always say this lol. If people stop caring about them, they’d rope in a heart beat.

Title	"You have to love yourself first before you can love someone else" is gaslighting.
Author	WorldlinessFinal172
Upvotes	32
Comments	32
Date	July 17, 2023 8:34 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/AllPillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AllPillDebate/comments/152d6nj/you_have_to_love_yourself_first_before_you_can/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/AllPillDebate/you-have-to-love-yourself-first-before-you-can.1225609 https://theredarchive.com/post/1225609

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