35yo dad completely lost on what to do or where to go from here

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-09-26T17:12:38+00:00

Hey bud, hang in there. Sounds like you’re at rock bottom, been there. The good thing about rock bottom is that that’s it, you’ve lost everything you can lose and that’s it. Don’t give up, things can and will improve if you try.

sicrm · 2023-09-26T18:45:52+00:00

start with taking the job.

once you have a job, you can focus more on what your next one will look like, possibly applying for it, and improving your skills.

when you don’t have a job, it’s hard to focus on much else outside of getting one unless you have a ton of support or savings.

Vivid_Consequence482 · 2023-09-26T20:28:33+00:00

I am currently divorcing my bipolar wife, who I had have arrested and had to get a restraining order and protective order against. Believe me when I say, it is really hard on your spouse as well.

Bipolar is nothing to mess around with. You don’t realize how much your mood swings affect everyone around you - ESPECIALLY your spouse and children.

Please get help and get stabilized, accept whatever supervised visitation your stbx will allow and work on rebuilding a healthy relationship with your kids.

If you are unmedicated, you have likely done and said some pretty shitty things and might not even remember them.

Think of your kids here, dude. They are what matter!

tadslippy · 2023-09-26T18:22:49+00:00

It sucks. An unbelievable, crushing at times amount. I know it does. Here’s the question. What are you going to do with those two weeks? You’ve got time before you see your kids again to show them the best version of yourself you can be right now. Whatever that means for you. Focus on what you can control, even if it’s just your approach right now. And get back on meds if they’re needed my friend. You got this.

Consape · 2023-09-26T22:53:28+00:00

I’m not an innocent guy.

You are an innocent guy.

Your son's autism is not your fault. Your wife being a lying sack of shit is not your fault. Alcoholism is not your fault. Bipolar is not your fault.

Not taking your meds? Well, maybe that is your fault. Work on making yourself better.

Life is hard and you were with a woman who isn't kind. It has soaked in and made you feel like you are bad. Maybe that pressure would crack anybody?

Wake up tomorrow, stand tall, and be the best you that you can be. Have the best day that you can have. You will have failures. Get over them. Put one foot in front of the other, man up, and day by day you will get yourself through this shitstorm.

Listen, maybe you can't handle the world, but you can handle one day. If for some reason you mess up that day, then God gives you another to work with tomorrow. You can do it.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2023-09-26T19:37:53+00:00

What are you doing to address the bipolar?

HedgehogHole · 2023-09-26T23:55:55+00:00

Hey I’m bipolar as well and my kiddo’s dad passed away from alcoholism. Alcoholism and bipolar go hand in hand more often than most people know. It’s good that you’re back on your meds—maybe see if your counselor can recommend a local AA group. If you’re not into 12 step programs, maybe a group therapy program would be good. Chances are you’ll find a lot of people there who are in the same boat as you.

The fact that your lawyer was successful means that there’s already a red flag in the judge’s mind when it comes to her integrity. You didn’t fail, you’re just going through a tough season. If your stbx can’t stand by your side through this, that’s on her, not you

Physical-Pie748 · 2023-09-27T00:13:20+00:00

i hate it how a divorce can ruin mens lives and noone gives you a warning before, everyone just says "oh how great that you marry its the best thing ever". its like a lie. a dream , a fantasy disney world. the reality , the brutal truth, that noone warns you about, is coming after your wife is not happy. you cant change the system, but you can protest with not marrying and watch how other men, despite all of the information out there to find on youtube and or on divorce forums, get divorced and how they ruin their lives.

im asking myself how many men get married despite knowing the risks ,and how many men dont know even one law paragraph of divorce and the consequences. im just thinking what must be done to reach more people, to warn more people about marriage and the dangers of divorce. why does noone on news or news paper tries to reach or warn people? do they benefit of failed marriages, does the divorce industry earn too much? i dont know, im reading all these stories of divorced men and im asking myself how some countries can allow a wife to destroy mens lives? why? and why is there no warning before? im just happy i found out about everything i had to know before its too late.

koolaidkid12345 · 2023-09-26T20:06:01+00:00

Keep this in mind. Your kids will very likely understand a bit later in life and you'll still have them. Right now, though I know you dont want to abandon them or feel like you did.. you can't do good for them if you yourself are not doing good. You have to focus on you right now. Try to see them.. even if supervised visits and for 10 minutes.. so they know you are in their life. That may be hard especially if ex is selling them on how daddy has problems, etc.. and they are young and easily manipulated. BUT.. don't give up on them.. they will one day be teens and adults and understand all this. What's important is they know you were in their lives and that eventually they will be able to understand that you had a lot of bad things going on and that you still loved them and tried.

Most important is you brother. You gotta work on you first. Low paying job.. so be it.. it's a job. It gets you out of the house and doing something, and maybe you get a second job to occupy more time, make more money and save a little. Not sure where you live.. but hopefully it's a place where you can eventually get your own place.. be it a trailer of your own or an apartment or what not. Save more, make sure you get your well being in check.. health, meds for bipolar, etc.. best you can. At some point.. you will wake up and realize you're healthier, better, have some savings, and maybe a better job, and you take the next step. Nicer place that can have kids in it, and then maybe get 80/20 custody where your kids can come every other weekend.

Again.. focus on you first.. right now. You are no good to your kids or you if you are in bad shape.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-09-27T02:39:16+00:00

This is the time to get your shit together. Truth be told, everyone loves a hero origination story, even judges. If you put one foot in front of the other and show consistent documented proof that you've got your life back together, you'll stand a better chance of a good co-parenting situation provided you can maintain it until judgment day. Weirdly, sometimes it will be better than a model dad would get - not fair but nothing is.

TakeBackWhat · 2023-09-27T02:53:11+00:00

U have not failed! U were fired, then predictably DISCARDED. Same happened to me, including the restraining order and 2 week thing. Will assist you in any way I can.

DadLyfeYall · 2023-09-27T01:48:44+00:00

Hey man you sound just like me 2 years ago. Great news! It gets better! For some, a lot better, for others just a bit better.

If you're not on meds, maybe consider trying some new ones. I had been on SSRIs off and on which really screwed with me. On Wellbutrin now, have been for a little over a year. It made a huge difference. Not sure if your religious but no better time to try it out. My point is you need fellowship with other men, likely chance that at least some of them have been through similar. But most of all it just takes time. Do yourself a favor and don't be like I was back then. Control your emotions the best you can, absolutely listen to your lawyers advice, try to take the high road but be willing to fight dirty if it comes down to it. Do everything you can to maintain positive cash flow. Try to minimize your legal expenses, some really good tips in this sub on how.

Just try to keep your head up, don't let her win!!!!!

TakeBackWhat · 2023-09-27T02:55:34+00:00

Research “BETRAYAL TRAUMA”.

Title	35yo dad completely lost on what to do or where to go from here
Author	bstn623
Upvotes	16
Comments	19
Date	September 26, 2023 4:47 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16st41r/35yo_dad_completely_lost_on_what_to_do_or_where/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/35yo-dad-completely-lost-on-what-to-do-or-where-to.1233059 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233059

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